Friends With Benefits but maybe more?? advice please!

[madrista]

So basically one of my friends and I just started doing this whole friends with benefits situation after I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago. When I told him I broke up with my boyfriend, he didn't hesitate to start hooking up with me, just that night when I told him we were upstairs making out in his bedroom. I told him that we couldn't get feelings because I just wanted to be single for a little bit and figure out what I'm trying to do in life.

But of course, me being a girl, I eventually got feelings for him. I would go to his fraternity events with him and be the only girl there, and when we would go out together, there was no leaving each other's side. What really made me catch feelings for him was one weekend we went to one of our friend's colleges to watch a concert, it being an all male school, any female gets attention. We went to the concert together, the first thing he did was take me and grab me into chest, and he was just being extremely territorial the whole entire time. Everyone kept asking me if we were dating but I just said we were friends. But when we went to his fraternity and one of his brother's asked him if we were together, I didn't hear what his answer was. I just knew he said something about me being a perfect girl and the fact I loved sports made me a keeper. When I would wander around the house by myself without him, and the other guys would hit on me, one of the brothers would be like dude she's off limits cause she's here with _________. He would hold my hand with such a tight grip, and would get so shitty when other people would try to talk to me. So that weekend it literally felt like we were dating and in a relationship. After that weekend, we started spending more and more time together, we would spend days with each other and what not. We aren't really big on texting each other unless it's so hang out cause we're so busy during the week days, being in college and working. But what really confused me was that he texted me one day asking if I was staying in town for Easter or not, and I said I was going to, so he asked me to stay the weekend at his house.It was a really romantic cute weekend, until we had an extremely long heart to heart. We opened up to each other about our families, friends, and all those kind of things. But it got weird when we started talking about our ex's. I know that his ex is an extremely sore topic for him, but the fact that he said that I was helping him get over her, kind of hurt me. I was going to tell him about how I felt, but after that jab, I just let it go and kept to myself.

I talked to his friends about it, and they all said that I should just get over myself and tell him how I really feel, because he doesn't know how to do the whole relationship thing very well. Plus all his roommates always makes jokes about us whenever he's not around, and always asks when I'm coming back to hang out with all of them. I just don't know how to feel about this. His mixed signals are a pain in the ass, and I can't figure out if I'm stuck in this friends with benefits zone, or if we can actually get to be in a relationship.

Any advice about this would be extremely helpful

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

It's not only girls that get feelings.

You should let him know how you feel, the situation isn't going to get any easier and it's better off facing rejection now than later on now line when your feelings are even stronger or getting hurt when he messes around with another girl.

If he says he doesn't feel the same you should stop having sex with him no matter how hard that might be.

I don't really have any more in depth analysis than that I'm afraid.

 

[T. Calderone]

It's pretty clear he's still hung up on his ex so it's probably best to move on and date other people.

 

[claire22]

honestly it may not be such a bad thing that he said you're helping him with the ex thing (depends on the break-up/circumstances tho), he might not mean it in the way that he is 'using' you, but in a way that conveys he is getting feelings for you that are so strong they are overriding any feelings that may have lingered. he clearly wants you to be involved in his daily life, a big clue he likes you. the fact that his friends are joking/talking about you? means he's told them about you, and means HE LIKES YOU! i promise! huge clue!

i think it really sounds like he likes you. don't let the ex thing scare you. everyone has exes, it's something you just need to deal with and put to the back of the mind. focus on the present, not the past.

those who don't make leaps of faith will never get anywhere (but hell, all evidence points to him being seriously interested)
in fact, you being so closed off to emotional involvement/commitment at the beginning probably made him fall even harder, lol.

you're a shoe in. tell him how you feel.

(btw, his buddies have probably already notified him...)

 

[megd23]

Sometimes you have to be aggressive with guys and make the first move and I would tell him how you feel. Otherwise your going to keep wondering and over-analyzing every detail. You'll constantly be wondering so tell him how you feel. Good luck

 

[madrista]

thank you for the advice! The reason why they broke up was because of her family and he didn't want to take her away from them… So I don't know if that affects him the situation at all, but hopefully not!

 

[llama112]

You said specifically that you didn't want to have a relationship with him, right? So it's very unlikely that he'll make a move since you clearly told him no. If you want something more than friends with benefits, you've gotta let him know!!