TDS Friend that introduced me to dissosiatives died homeless and alone today of OD/heart

[LucidSDreamr]

He was a good friend. We shared a love of psychedlics and dissociatives and was the only person I knew in real life that i shared that with. He was very racist, conservative - basically the complete opposite of me. But we had a bond with psychedlics and both talked eachother through many a bad trip.

He had been homeless for 4 months, his cat got lost/died, his heart was failing and he continued to do cocaine and drink 6-10 drinks a day anyways. He went to detox and was back on drugs a few days after very recently.

I ignored his last call because i didn't want to hear his racist drug fueled tirades. I feel kind of bad for that now.


I called his brother about a month ago and told him he was going to die very soon from the drugs. Not really sure how I feel about all of it. I made the conscious decision to let him die with no friends or anyone to talk to recently because i felt he was a bad person for being so racist.

 

[d1nach]

Atless you where a doctor saw he was in critical condition and you knew he was gunna die if you didnt act now but since he was racist you purposely say didnt give iv valium or whatever you didnt decide to let him die.

Im sorry if this offends you but i think you sometimes need to hear something from someone outside the situation without any emotional attachment talking about how it seems objectively even if it is uncomfortable. You did not in anyway make the conscious decision to let him die hes not your child, patient, and it is not your job or responsibility to save an adult.

 

[BeachBum4u]

Agree with previous poster. We're all basically big boys and girls here and therefore responsible for what we say and do in life. No one held a gun to his head making him slowly kill himself everyday, right? I know it's easy to feel blame for a situation like this but that's OK and totally normal. It's called being a good and decent human being. Feel it for what it "really" is and what it isn't and try to let it run it's course and let it be done. I only know you from being on this site but you're going to be just fine with a little time. Definitely not "on you", best of luck!

 

[freesolo123]

Sorry to hear about your loss

I can't believe how judgemental people are about someones drug use on top of that the person is dead so maybe leave it? You never know what mental struggles people are going through and life can get the better of some people.

I know you said he was racist and I don't agree with that at all but is that all he was? I'm sure he had other personality traits that led you to call him a friend.

 

[Xorkoth]

Sorry for your loss. It's really hard when a friend goes off the rails. It's hard to support them. My close friend who I saw most days of the week died of a heroin (unexpected fentanyl) overdose last year. The emotions I felt were many and complex. Anger at her, anger at myself, shame, grief... I knew it wasn't my fault but, like you, I had started to distance myself from her because she was, honestly, terrible to be around, for the last year or two or her life. It was horrible watching her downfall. It's taken me a lot of time to come to peace with it, and it still makes me sad. Just know that, like others have said, it's NOT your fault. Your friend made his own decisions, which led to his death. Dwelling on what-ifs can only bring you pain.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

Thanks for the encouraging words. My wife is like "see, all of your drug friends keep dying, you better stop" but of course i keep going. granted I'm not using at their level anymore. but still.

 

[herbavore]

I'm really sorry for your loss and for his sad life. It says a lot about you that you could see what decency he did have, though I completely get the racism becoming to much to tolerate. I'm always aghast when I hear of people who do psychedelics and somehow miss entheogens one greatest contribution: showing us that we are all one.