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Forever alone.

LSDMDMA&AMP

LSDMDMA&AMP

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 6, 2010
Messages
12,829
I really feel as if i will be forever alone. I struggle with this and dont know how to deal with it. I feel worthless as a result. Ive had a girlfriend before but i screwed things up with her and she left me a while ago for good reason. Since then i have done absolutely nothing relationship/dating/sex wise. I feel as if i am not good enough for anyone and that hurts. I still love my ex girlfriend so much but i dont see us ever getting back together if i am being realistic. The absense of sex and love in my life makes me very sad. I feel as if i am missing out on life, on the outside looking in. I worry that things will never get better for me. I dont love myself, noone loves me so why should i? It is killing me inside. I feel like things will never change. I feel like a failure. I dont know how to move forward. I am unlovable. Its been years since i had sex. I dont know how to escape these feelings. I feel like the world is a cruel joke at my expense. Life doesnt feel like its worth living. I cant take being lonely all the time.
 
Isn't it the other way around? You don't love yourself, so why should anyone else? First learn to love yourself :)
 
thought about getting out more - maybe joining a sports group or choir/band. these are good activities for mixing with a diverse crew and most are more about the companionship and giving your best rather than winning world championships.
 
Why? Are you hideously ugly or like 500 lbs? Never leave the house and just whack off all day? Why specifically are you struggling so hard with the ladies? There's always a reason. Be honest with yourself (and with us). Complaining about it is fine. But we need to know why you can't meet any women if you really want advise.
 
Ypu seem depressed to me. I think you need to work on yourself and other stuff will follow. Have you sought psychiatric help?

The best way to get a gf is to take up an activity and meet people also interested in it (a hiking/adventure meet up group, community service projects, softball league, community college class, etc.). Then you have something in common and a not creepy reason to spend time around them. Being non needy and unflappable also helps.
It all starts with you though.

I'd recommend getting on welbutrin to turn your outlook around; then, join a gym to work on looking good, and start taking care of yourself (hygiene, grooming, style).
Then find an activity or hobby you enjoy and practice meeting people there.

Eventually, you'll build a social circle and develop relationships. Just take it one thing at a time. Does that make sense?
 
You sound really stagnant. A change of perspective and lifestyle is needed, to show you that things can be different. In these situations it's easy to forget everything good that happened in the past, that you made happen with your choices in life. You can be there again, it's just a matter of remembering who you really are.

The world is cruel and the world is kind. The world is... the world. It contains everything. If you see the world as cruel then you're disempowering yourself from seeing or experiencing it any other way.
 
immad said:
Isn't it the other way around? You don't love yourself, so why should anyone else? First learn to love yourself :)
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this, basically. I don't usually buy the whole ">tfw go gf" thing
attributing all that's lacking to your inner (and/or outer) life to lack of a significant other
if anything, it's usually the latter
so this becomes cyclical

axl blaze said:
even ugly/fat/depressed people deserve and get in relationships :)
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if anything the 3rd is the biggest liability
because it leads to lack of confidence
and furthering the cycle

how do you break the cycle?

exercise. getting out more. sunshine. meds. therapy. lay off the drugs (if applicable.) etc.
there's no easy solution. all of the above require effort.
but most things that are worth a damn do.
 
What SKL said is so true but it's so fucking hard to get this mindset in reality. If it would be so easy, we wouldn't have to bother about mental problems and all that.

I know these thoughts and feelings just too well from myself. In these rare moments when I didn't care at all and was just positive minded, outgoing, disinhibited (okay, drugs can help a ton with that but it's still a hit or miss) then I was getting a glance about how life could be without all the dark sides. Yeah, it's turning me down again. Self-fulfilling downward spiral prophecy. Fuck.

--

Well.. paying for intimacy isn't exactly going to raise your self-esteem probably. Thought about that and didn't like the concept.. when I'd be in a state where I could actually enjoy such a situation then hell I wouldn't have to pay for it but just go outside... ;) :/
 
immad said:
Isn't it the other way around? You don't love yourself, so why should anyone else? First learn to love yourself :)
Click to expand...

quite true



how long ago did you split up?

cos the time of split to now suggests whether its normal or get over it and find fresh interests/ distractions
 
one should not feel their self worth is determined by whether they are in a relationship or not.

BTW im sure others can see/feel the low self esteem you have and it will be off puttimg to girls. Girls want a guy who oozes confidence and isnt insecure
 
not every girl dates their dream guy with a chiseled chin, oozing confidence, that loves himself and the world around him. <3

sometimes people just get along and like each other in spite of their shortcomings.

I've managed to have SOs and I have struggled with depression my whole life. girls date guys that are depressed but you have to have more sides to your personality than just being a depressed debbie downer. you also have to give someone a chance to really get to know you.

best of luck llama. but you have to try and be willing to fail or else you're gonna stay stuck.

id recommend iboga rootbark. works better for depression than anything ive tried. also stabilizes your mood. can help repair your brain if your recovering from drugs. good stuff.
 
jammin83 said:
not every girl dates their dream guy with a chiseled chin, oozing confidence, that loves himself and the world around him. <3

sometimes people just get along and like each other in spite of their shortcomings.
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This is very true. A lot of life is settling and that includes our romantic relationships. Part of the problem for a lot of the >tfw no gfers is overly high standards at least in proportion to what they themselves are or have to offer. For this we can blame the media and particularly pornography. You are not a 10 and will probably not date one. Yet this is hard for some people to get through their heads.

I've managed to have SOs and I have struggled with depression my whole life. girls date guys that are depressed but you have to have more sides to your personality than just being a depressed debbie downer. you also have to give someone a chance to really get to know you.
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Although sometimes this is a route to an unhealthy codependent relationship. But of course people with depression (myself included) can wind up in relationships and so on, but there is a distinction between suffering from and wallowing in depression and to be frank OP's post has a distinct tinge of wallowing.

best of luck llama. but you have to try and be willing to fail or else you're gonna stay stuck.
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indeed

id recommend iboga rootbark. works better for depression than anything ive tried. also stabilizes your mood. can help repair your brain if your recovering from drugs. good stuff.
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I've no personal experience but this sounds a little extreme
although come to think of it with ibo that's actually sort of the point isn't it?
 
socko said:
You might be alone, but at least you have your freedom.
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right???

a lot of this phenomenon I think also comes from the perception that having a girlfriend will relieve depression/other issues in your life
it just doesn't work that way, as has been said above, it's the opposite much more likely
if you are that fucked up you shouldn't really subject some chick to it but rather work on fixing it before getting into the dating game
 
SKL said:
right???

a lot of this phenomenon I think also comes from the perception that having a girlfriend will relieve depression/other issues in your life
it just doesn't work that way, as has been said above, it's the opposite much more likely
if you are that fucked up you shouldn't really subject some chick to it but rather work on fixing it before getting into the dating game
Click to expand...

Yeah no kidding. If you struggle with depression, being in a relationship is just setting yourself up for suicide. I only struggle with depression when I have a girlfriend. Maybe that say's something about me, or maybe it says something about relationships. But when I'm single it's more like a steady ongoing type of despair and loneliness. But a relationship means you will be riding a rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows. When I was single I wasn't necessarily happy, but there is a level of misery that only a woman can create in your life. Two nights ago I was so depressed after fighting with my girlfriend that I accidentally almost overdosed on heroin, painkillers and alcohol. That kind of extreme despair can only be brought on by a fight with your girlfriend.

So overall, consider yourself lucky... I know it doesn't seem like it when you're lonely, but a woman can always push you to new personal low point of suffering and depression. Even a great woman can make you want to kill yourself at times.
 
The best solution I found to overcome depression was to strengthen my mind.

I chose to be abstinent from sex for 6 years of my life. i needed time to focus on myself without the distractions that come with relationships. The first few years were terribly lonely and I relied on my internet gaming friends for social aspects. I rarely went out with friends because I chose to not drink or do any drugs and during that time, all my friends were drinking and partying.

Eventually, I developed a new appreciation for life and a better attitude. I gained independence and a sense of freedom id never felt before. I wasn't a slave to depression anymore. I felt I was able to make better choices that were in my best interest.

I'm still far from perfect and I struggle with depression occasionally. But it does not control my life and I have learned to shut it down if it gets bad.
 
not trying to derail the thread but not all depression can be cured with strength of mind. I get where you are coming from but some things you can't will away.

skl: ibo

its relatively safe in small doses. most of the danger is in flood doses from heart complications. what fun would drug experimentation be if there wasn't some small chance of death?
 
I mean not really/always. Some people have chemical imbalances and really cant "cure" their depression without a chemical intervention.
There is no one-cure to depression.
 
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