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First gf. dont know what to talk about

M

Maniaz

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 10, 2011
Messages
47
Location
auckland , nz
Hey i know this thread is a bich thread but i just want to find out a few things. I've recently entered a relationship my first proper one since i was 13 ( and even that wasnt really proper ) and im 18. I've always found it hard to hold a convo with some girls. Not my gf entirely but i recently went over to hers and didnt really say much due to the fact that i dont know what to say. We've been going out for nearly 3 weeks now ( not that long ) and i intend to make this relationship last a very long time as does my gf . On our first night of dating things went pretty well the convos wernt full on but it was never awkward and we ended up having sex which wasnt awkward at all. I want to talk to her but i just dont know what to say and i would hate my self if the relationship ended because i didnt know what to say. I've told my gf im sorry for being quiet sometimes but she says dont worry cause she says she is to. Anyway am i over thinking things? will things get better? also i was planning on an acid trip with her it will be her first time. would this make things better?
 
Don't apologise for being quiet, she's already invested time in you, so she either doesn't mind you being somewhat of a goofball (she might find it endearing) or is attracted to your aloof nature (mystery and all that). However, if there are gaps of silence when you are together, then that needs work.
Paraphrase things she says to you to show that you are listening and throw in some softball follow-up questions for "clarification" so that this validates her opinion/feelings. Ask for her opinion on topics that relate to her studies, career, friendships (if she is at the stage where she is talking about her relationships). Use open ended questions, always convey understanding of the feelings associated with what she is talking about. Compliment her on being an independent woman, without using the word independent (it has become trite). Always go easy on complimenting her physical appearance, best not to do this really, clothing and hair are usually safe though.

Regarding your side of things, talk about positive experiences in your life, like sports, hobbies and activities that you are interested in and goals that you have with career/studies. Don't just prepare a script and pretend that she has just asked you: "what do you do?", it shouldn't be like an interview, never force a topic of conversation. Remember to include emotions and feelings and not just report talk like you do with guys. Give meaningful detail to any story. What is going on in your life that is meaningful to you?

Regarding the acid trip, 3 weeks into a relationship where you don't have a steady footing for yourself is not a good idea, so don't do it.

And she is totally into you, don't stress so much it will work out.
 
Maniaz said:
Hey i know this thread is a bich thread but i just want to find out a few things. I've recently entered a relationship my first proper one since i was 13 ( and even that wasnt really proper ) and im 18. I've always found it hard to hold a convo with some girls. Not my gf entirely but i recently went over to hers and didnt really say much due to the fact that i dont know what to say. We've been going out for nearly 3 weeks now ( not that long ) and i intend to make this relationship last a very long time as does my gf . On our first night of dating things went pretty well the convos wernt full on but it was never awkward and we ended up having sex which wasnt awkward at all. I want to talk to her but i just dont know what to say and i would hate my self if the relationship ended because i didnt know what to say. I've told my gf im sorry for being quiet sometimes but she says dont worry cause she says she is to. Anyway am i over thinking things? will things get better? also i was planning on an acid trip with her it will be her first time. would this make things better?
Click to expand...

It's only 3 weeks, so it's still really new and you don't know each other that well. It's easier once it grows older. :) Do you guys have anything in common to talk about? School, games, activities? Anything?
 
ask questions. they don't have to be deep, thought-provoking, philosophical queries. just ask her about her day, her friends, her family, what she likes to do, why she likes to do it, etc. as you learn more, you'll get a better feel for her interests as well as more confidence.
 
I don't know but for some reason "some guys" think that talking to a girl is akin to communicating with another species all together. Girls are just like guys, they just have a few different body parts (thank God!). Seriously, talk to her like you would any friend; whatever comes to mind at all! It's not rocket science and please don't overthink it. Talk about what you did that day, what you want to do with her, just basically whatever's going on the two of your lifes. Relax, you appear to "have' her already, so the quest to over. Now you have a good friend, so enjoy!
 
Talking to girls isnt hard dude all you gotta do is let them babble on about themselves than whatever they ask just agree with them. Occasionaly say something about yourself to keep up the charade that you are still listening.

Of course this only applies to most girls, some of em are cool enough to talk to like a regular friend but from my experience they are one of three categories:

1. Not attractive
2. Already have a boyfriend
3. Crazy
 
shimazu said:
Talking to girls isnt hard dude all you gotta do is let them babble on about themselves than whatever they ask just agree with them. Occasionaly say something about yourself to keep up the charade that you are still listening.
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That is mighty disingenuous wouldn't you say? I mean, people are people. You don't have to fake it or anything, talk about what interests you and let her talk about what interests her. It really isn't that difficult but that advice isn't going to get anyone anywhere in any real relationship. Really dude; babble - charade? Where's the respect?
 
Nothing like an awkward trip to ruin a relationship, wait till everythings going perfect and you don't even have to think to speak to her then trip, it will do wonders for your relationship.
 
Yeah thats terrible advice shimazu, if you truly like the person you should be interested in listening to what they have to say, not just listening because it'll get you into their pants. If you have no other motivation than clearly its not a relationship thats going to last long.
 
Asking questions is great. Having some fun stories to tell is good too.
I find it really difficult to talk to a lot of people in general. I just let them talk about themselves. Ask questions. Laugh. Listen. Try that ... eventually you'll become more comfortable.

Also try, at least for now, to do some sort of activity first. Ex. go to a movie then to dinner. Why? You have the movie to talk about during the dinner. Things like that.
 
Firstly, I say go for that acid trip. LSD, and many psychadelics can be very therapeutic in relieving problems such as yours. You might also want to see a therapist if you feel this inability to talk warrants it, but that is your call to make. Being unable to find things to talk about or being afraid of saying certain things is quite normal, so you're certainly not alone. I would just dive right in, though, and talk. You don't always have to say the perfect thing at the perfect time, no, not at all. Just talk. When you don't think about it so much, it would likely be easier. So just relax, and talk, talk, talk. I am confident you can if you want to, though it may be a true challenge. Just start with whatever and go from there. Also, silence is not always a bad thing. Communication is important, but you don't always have to do so with words. Just my thoughts.
 
ask questions, do activities and talk about it. Like watch a movie, and discuss. Go places and discuss. hang out with each other friends, and afterward start talking about them. Talk about past experinces. Are you usually a quiet person? Or just with this girl?

i notice with some girls I have nothing to talk about and others I can talk for hours. So for you it can also be the same, meaning you don't have much in common. Or your topics doesn't interest her and vice versa. thats usually when people go quite, cause either person cares enough about the topic to contuene.
For example when two people are into a topic, and they can go on, if two people are interested in drugs, they can talk about drugs for hours. But if one person is not interested in drugs, you talk about it for a few mins and u move on. If you have a lot of those topics thats when its bad.
 
im quiet around a lot a people . especially girls. its been 3 weeks now in the relationship and for the pass week we havent talked much and im really starting to get worried. i know its only 3 weeks but am i getting paranoid? If she likes me as much as i like her than she wouldnt dump me
 
Understanding relationships is never a good thing.
Good relationships will never come from understanding.
Only when you over-stand relationships based on your own experiences
will you be able to make swift progress.
 
hiphophippy said:
Understanding relationships is never a good thing.
Good relationships will never come from understanding.
Only when you over-stand relationships based on your own experiences
will you be able to make swift progress.
Click to expand...

so i need more experiance? well that fucking sucks
 
Maniaz said:
im quiet around a lot a people . especially girls. its been 3 weeks now in the relationship and for the pass week we havent talked much and im really starting to get worried. i know its only 3 weeks but am i getting paranoid? If she likes me as much as i like her than she wouldnt dump me
Click to expand...

Plan a vacation with her. That will get you both talking.
 
Maniaz said:
so i need more experiance? well that fucking sucks
Click to expand...
Well this is your chance you'll never overstand the dynamics between you and this girl if you aren't acting like your own self.
Be yourself. Know yourself. Don't be a doucher.
those are the fundemental aspects of all good relationships. When both partners abide by all three and the equation balances, harmony is achieved.
but three weeks.... you should contact her.
 
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