shyzzs
Greenlighter
About 6 years ago, I started experiencing severe sleep problems.
Here in South East Asia, you can get prescription meds OTC if you have good rapport with the pharmacy.
Anyways, 6 years ago I started taking Zopiclone to help with the sleep, it worked wonders. 3 years later, no matter how many pills I took, it stopped working, and suddenly.
I went to my pharmacist and told them the situation, so they gave me Bromazepam. At this time, I was struggling with a variety of different things, like breaking up with my ex, relocation, loss of friends and then of course, the Zopiclone quit on me. Bromazepam made me realize I had an anxiety problem, which probably started in my late teens (my parents went through 2 harsh separations) and I started developing rhomboid spasms.
When I first took bromazepam, it felt like I was hit with a freight train of relief. My back spasms disappeared within a day, the feeling of having a hole in my stomach disappeared and I slept like a princess lol.
Cut to the chase, 3 years later, I've changed benzos from bromazepam, Xanax and Diazepam. Before September 20th, I was taking upwards of 100mg diazepam a day for a few months, drinking clean vodka at night as well.
Then some shit happened at work related to friends and colleagues, we had a fallout. I thought adding Xanax to the mix would help numb things out, which it did. This was around September 15th.
September 20th is an important date here, because when I was about to dose up on my Diazepam and Xanax, I looked at all the medication I have and thought "I could be a fuckin drug dealer, this is disgusting". My mindset changed and I decided to cut my Diazepam usage from 100mg+ per day down to 45mg per day and then use Xanax to help with withdrawals. It seemed like the perfect plan. Things were going well, I went through withdrawals, such as intense sweating, feeling disconnection, brain zaps, twitches, but I used the Xanax to control "waves of withdrawals".
Since I started the taper, I kept all the information in a spreadsheet, like the date, amount of Diazepam in mg, the amount of Xanax in mg and a comment of what I experienced through the day. Yesterday (17 October), I came to a realization that a 55mg cut was way too drastic and optimistic, and I saw I was leaning on Xanax pretty often. I made some calculations and worked out I was averaging 70mg of benzos per day (including the Xanax mg x10).
So I decided to up my dosage of Diazepam to 70mg and stabilize at this dose until I can see a doctor (I'm moving back to my home country in a month's time).
I don't know how how to feel about this taper, I was really proud because I was almost at a month with a 55mg reduction of Diazepam, now I'm backtracking to 70mg, but on the other hand, I feel it's safer to keep to one benzo and rather just taper slowly. I just want to get benzos out of my life.
Then there's the other 2 demons, sleep and alcohol. Sleep is non-existent without some sort of substance. I normally resort to 250mg Amitriptyline + 10mg Melatonin, sometimes I give that a break and just smash a bottle of Vodka, then wake up with an anxiety fueled hangover..
Can anyone here give me advice on what to do with the benzo taper? Today is my first day back at 70mg Diazepam and I'm going to try and keep the Xanax away completely. How do I go about this?
ps. I'm in a rural area without much medical support. I know my benzo usage will be heavily frowned upon here so I'm trying to navigate this shitstorm myself.
Here in South East Asia, you can get prescription meds OTC if you have good rapport with the pharmacy.
Anyways, 6 years ago I started taking Zopiclone to help with the sleep, it worked wonders. 3 years later, no matter how many pills I took, it stopped working, and suddenly.
I went to my pharmacist and told them the situation, so they gave me Bromazepam. At this time, I was struggling with a variety of different things, like breaking up with my ex, relocation, loss of friends and then of course, the Zopiclone quit on me. Bromazepam made me realize I had an anxiety problem, which probably started in my late teens (my parents went through 2 harsh separations) and I started developing rhomboid spasms.
When I first took bromazepam, it felt like I was hit with a freight train of relief. My back spasms disappeared within a day, the feeling of having a hole in my stomach disappeared and I slept like a princess lol.
Cut to the chase, 3 years later, I've changed benzos from bromazepam, Xanax and Diazepam. Before September 20th, I was taking upwards of 100mg diazepam a day for a few months, drinking clean vodka at night as well.
Then some shit happened at work related to friends and colleagues, we had a fallout. I thought adding Xanax to the mix would help numb things out, which it did. This was around September 15th.
September 20th is an important date here, because when I was about to dose up on my Diazepam and Xanax, I looked at all the medication I have and thought "I could be a fuckin drug dealer, this is disgusting". My mindset changed and I decided to cut my Diazepam usage from 100mg+ per day down to 45mg per day and then use Xanax to help with withdrawals. It seemed like the perfect plan. Things were going well, I went through withdrawals, such as intense sweating, feeling disconnection, brain zaps, twitches, but I used the Xanax to control "waves of withdrawals".
Since I started the taper, I kept all the information in a spreadsheet, like the date, amount of Diazepam in mg, the amount of Xanax in mg and a comment of what I experienced through the day. Yesterday (17 October), I came to a realization that a 55mg cut was way too drastic and optimistic, and I saw I was leaning on Xanax pretty often. I made some calculations and worked out I was averaging 70mg of benzos per day (including the Xanax mg x10).
So I decided to up my dosage of Diazepam to 70mg and stabilize at this dose until I can see a doctor (I'm moving back to my home country in a month's time).
I don't know how how to feel about this taper, I was really proud because I was almost at a month with a 55mg reduction of Diazepam, now I'm backtracking to 70mg, but on the other hand, I feel it's safer to keep to one benzo and rather just taper slowly. I just want to get benzos out of my life.
Then there's the other 2 demons, sleep and alcohol. Sleep is non-existent without some sort of substance. I normally resort to 250mg Amitriptyline + 10mg Melatonin, sometimes I give that a break and just smash a bottle of Vodka, then wake up with an anxiety fueled hangover..
Can anyone here give me advice on what to do with the benzo taper? Today is my first day back at 70mg Diazepam and I'm going to try and keep the Xanax away completely. How do I go about this?
ps. I'm in a rural area without much medical support. I know my benzo usage will be heavily frowned upon here so I'm trying to navigate this shitstorm myself.
