I just had my wisdom teeth taken out and I’m on some vicodin so I’m not necessarily writing this in perfect form but I’m just letting some of my ideas and thoughts float freely in order to try to convey some of the ideas and feelings that have greatly impacted me over the past couple months (CONCLUSION TYPE THING IS MY MAIN POINT BEHIND THIS WHOLE WRITING)
Life, sitting here not knowing what to think and everything around us is just what our brain is analyzing and telling us. Everything is like a computer except because we know nothing else we analyze it like anything else. Having experienced certain psychedelics that allowed me to understand slightly the conclusions our brain may jump to without us even attempting to process the information. We understand how this computer works and how our connections are similar relatively to all other humans which allows us to analyze more in depth to the feelings that are being portrayed to our bodies by our brains. Other animals or species however are completely wired differently and jump to conclusions and most all think in the same way. We are just seen as the predator just like our ancestors used to fear bears and sharks in the wild. They think in different languages that aren’t even languages and communicate at high frequencies to convey signals, emotions, and maybe even words in some sort of manner. Messing around in psychedelics has not only completely blown my mind and brought me to a better understanding of our world, but has also taught me how to aggressively fight battles that occur daily in my mind which makes me more sympathetic and has given me the desire to help others with mental battles that act like viruses rewiring our brain and taking us away from normality. I think psychedelics can help you understand and cope with some of these issues because it takes you so far away from reality but yet so close at the same time that you are able to experience and embrace some of things going on making you more acceptable to some of the surrounding cognitive differences from a normal perspective because you understand that this is just your brain analyzing some aspect of your body and sending meaningless alert and warning signals that make you feel bad. I am not saying this is the correct thing for everyone; however, I had a crazy experience with psychedelics myself. This crazy experience consisted of me tripping on 2ci, I 18-hour trip where I had full on delusions and hallucinations over the course of the trip; however, this is not what defined my trip. What defined my trip was what occurred almost 6 days later…a very intense unexpected flashback. Not understanding what was happening while standing in the middle of a concert was terrifying. The flashback/small trip lasted with me until I finally fell asleep at 3 in the morning. I woke up and felt noticeably different, a strong pressure inside my head and constant anxiety and the feeling of impending doom. This made it so for the first 4 days I couldn’t even look anyone in the eye without the feeling of being terrified. This severe anxiety and impending doom was constant, the only time I did not fear these thoughts and feelings in my head was when I was distracted by something such as a person, TV, maybe even the computer. Unfortunately the computer was a problem. This anxiety combined with a must know personality combined to create an 18 year old sitting on the computer in the middle of his senior year just researching flashbacks and 2ci for 6+ hours a day. This was a terribly scary habit that always got me worked up and afraid. I dreaded even going to bed because when I closed my eyes the only thing that I have as mine where my thoughts and those where the only things I didn’t want. Convincing myself I had unlocked some sort of schizophrenia or possibly even creating an overactive thyroid from my drug use scared me away from all drugs including nicotine, alcohol, and even weed. Even a drag off a cig was unbearable, as I would become extremely dizzy and lightheaded. I quit all substances and lived a clean life for months, which is impressive considering that's a huge portion of what I’m surrounded by when I am with my friends. Then eventually I lightened up and decided I felt a little better and smoked a bowl…and I was fine. This happened a few more times until I had a flashback. Then I stopped for a week and the same thing happened again, lots of normal smoking and then bam flashback. It felt like every time I inhaled the ganja I was playing a game of Russian roulette. I eventually was starting to experience a flashback and I just asked myself what I was afraid of, and all that was was dying. I knew I wasn’t going to die and told myself that consistently through my flashback. I eventually in a way trained myself to cope with this newest mind I was experiencing and to not reject it but embrace it. This was one of the best experiences of my entire life because I felt as if I had acquired what I was seeking from my psychedelic trip. I felt at peace at all times in my body but also in my mind. This trip allowed me to understand others and especially understand anxiety and the onset depression that came on when I felt as if I had fried my brain and ruined the rest of my life. Nothing was no more overwhelmingly great and scary at the same then when the doctor told me my blood tests where perfect and that nothing was physically wrong with me and it was all in my head. This scared me in that I knew I was going to fight this battle alone and with myself. I first developed a strategy that I used over the course of my battle that basically was a mental image in my head that represented and showed that stress was creating anxiety and anxiety was creating stress and that it was just a pointless circle that had no real affect on me.
Life, sitting here not knowing what to think and everything around us is just what our brain is analyzing and telling us. Everything is like a computer except because we know nothing else we analyze it like anything else. Having experienced certain psychedelics that allowed me to understand slightly the conclusions our brain may jump to without us even attempting to process the information. We understand how this computer works and how our connections are similar relatively to all other humans which allows us to analyze more in depth to the feelings that are being portrayed to our bodies by our brains. Other animals or species however are completely wired differently and jump to conclusions and most all think in the same way. We are just seen as the predator just like our ancestors used to fear bears and sharks in the wild. They think in different languages that aren’t even languages and communicate at high frequencies to convey signals, emotions, and maybe even words in some sort of manner. Messing around in psychedelics has not only completely blown my mind and brought me to a better understanding of our world, but has also taught me how to aggressively fight battles that occur daily in my mind which makes me more sympathetic and has given me the desire to help others with mental battles that act like viruses rewiring our brain and taking us away from normality. I think psychedelics can help you understand and cope with some of these issues because it takes you so far away from reality but yet so close at the same time that you are able to experience and embrace some of things going on making you more acceptable to some of the surrounding cognitive differences from a normal perspective because you understand that this is just your brain analyzing some aspect of your body and sending meaningless alert and warning signals that make you feel bad. I am not saying this is the correct thing for everyone; however, I had a crazy experience with psychedelics myself. This crazy experience consisted of me tripping on 2ci, I 18-hour trip where I had full on delusions and hallucinations over the course of the trip; however, this is not what defined my trip. What defined my trip was what occurred almost 6 days later…a very intense unexpected flashback. Not understanding what was happening while standing in the middle of a concert was terrifying. The flashback/small trip lasted with me until I finally fell asleep at 3 in the morning. I woke up and felt noticeably different, a strong pressure inside my head and constant anxiety and the feeling of impending doom. This made it so for the first 4 days I couldn’t even look anyone in the eye without the feeling of being terrified. This severe anxiety and impending doom was constant, the only time I did not fear these thoughts and feelings in my head was when I was distracted by something such as a person, TV, maybe even the computer. Unfortunately the computer was a problem. This anxiety combined with a must know personality combined to create an 18 year old sitting on the computer in the middle of his senior year just researching flashbacks and 2ci for 6+ hours a day. This was a terribly scary habit that always got me worked up and afraid. I dreaded even going to bed because when I closed my eyes the only thing that I have as mine where my thoughts and those where the only things I didn’t want. Convincing myself I had unlocked some sort of schizophrenia or possibly even creating an overactive thyroid from my drug use scared me away from all drugs including nicotine, alcohol, and even weed. Even a drag off a cig was unbearable, as I would become extremely dizzy and lightheaded. I quit all substances and lived a clean life for months, which is impressive considering that's a huge portion of what I’m surrounded by when I am with my friends. Then eventually I lightened up and decided I felt a little better and smoked a bowl…and I was fine. This happened a few more times until I had a flashback. Then I stopped for a week and the same thing happened again, lots of normal smoking and then bam flashback. It felt like every time I inhaled the ganja I was playing a game of Russian roulette. I eventually was starting to experience a flashback and I just asked myself what I was afraid of, and all that was was dying. I knew I wasn’t going to die and told myself that consistently through my flashback. I eventually in a way trained myself to cope with this newest mind I was experiencing and to not reject it but embrace it. This was one of the best experiences of my entire life because I felt as if I had acquired what I was seeking from my psychedelic trip. I felt at peace at all times in my body but also in my mind. This trip allowed me to understand others and especially understand anxiety and the onset depression that came on when I felt as if I had fried my brain and ruined the rest of my life. Nothing was no more overwhelmingly great and scary at the same then when the doctor told me my blood tests where perfect and that nothing was physically wrong with me and it was all in my head. This scared me in that I knew I was going to fight this battle alone and with myself. I first developed a strategy that I used over the course of my battle that basically was a mental image in my head that represented and showed that stress was creating anxiety and anxiety was creating stress and that it was just a pointless circle that had no real affect on me.
), though I feel it might be much better suited to the Trip Reports section, or perhaps your personal blog. Hell, even the PD social thread you can find stickied at the top of this section