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Fifth of vodka and bottle of Valium

Speed King

Speed King

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 7, 2014
Messages
6,074
Location
Orando, Florida
Considering it all. Life is getting old and I'm 37. Why isn't it okay to check out when you want to? Do I have to move to California or invest in some helium?
 
sad thing is.. when youre in the dumps enough, at least in my experience, to feel like ending it all.. no amount of rational discussion has any effect, all the pros and cons go in one ear and out the other. it all seems so hopeless, and pointless.
 
infantannihilator said:
sad thing is.. when youre in the dumps enough, at least in my experience, to feel like ending it all.. no amount of rational discussion has any effect, all the pros and cons go in one ear and out the other. it all seems so hopeless, and pointless.
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Could be. Depression is a strong hole. Its also progressive. The more depressed we are the more depressing lives we tend to live.. Fkn feeds off itself. Have to cut its food source by changing our lives. Miricals don't come overnight.. but we can work them.
 
neversickanymore said:
Could be. Depression is a strong hole. Its also progressive. The more depressed we are the more depressing lives we tend to live.. Fkn feeds off itself. Have to cut its food source by changing our lives. Miricals don't come overnight.. but we can work them.
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Cycle of doom is a very real thing. my problem is Im a results now kind of person, and that itself feeds addictions and makes the prospect of a long drawn out sobriety seem almost impossible. I want to be better now. I know I'll slip. I know from the past I'll slip. I can try to pull myself back from the words Im typing and know they sound silly and entirely self defeating, but it's what I feel in the present.

Most of all I fear not feeling good and not being able to feel good at a moments notice.. even if thqts just binge eating icecream or wasting money on books. Im uncomfortable in my own skin, always. and thats driven me to this drug addled suicidally depressed person.
 
Ha, Im pretty sure I aslo skipped the waiting line for obtaining patience before getting on this ride, Just didn't have the patients you know :)

But no matter its baby steps that get us there. Broken down they are effortless, but the optimism and patients can be really rough. Starting is the hardest part I think.
 
:) Hey SK...I feel ya on the depression. For me, it's the constant companion of horrific chronic pain (almost 4 decades). I cannot find relief through pain management due to GI rebellion!

I was in the hospital with partial bowel obstruction for 6 days. I thought "Oh, fuck I can't do this any more!" I considered ending it right there in my hospital bed.

Sick as this sounds, I've always kept a plan of exit. Somehow it comforts me to know that I can end this on my own terms when it becomes unbearable...with no reprieve from 24/7 pain.

Glad you're okay, fella!
 
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