Feelings of being a good target for manipulation?

[ParappaTheRapper]

So im not unconfident about anything, but im a real sensitive dude. I feel like i always end up getting manipulated by people just because im altruistic. I'm not a pushover but i'm very empathetic. Does anyone have any advice for me

 

[-=SS=-]

I struggle with this a bit. I'm leaning towards the conclusion that there must be a dominant partner in any relationship between people. Even between child and parent there is clearly the dominant party of the parent, but unlike most other relationships the parents extends their hand and heart without thought of "what can I get from this?", which is present in nearly all other relationships. In the dynamic between two people if one is open the other tends to push forward into that space naturally.. it's kind of automatic, like otherwise there would be a tension there in the other person who is not occupying that space. Now what they take depends on the person.. it might just be some of your time, or emotional energy, or it could be physical possessions. Now and then you'll meet people who can see the open space in you but not feel obliged to move on it, they can exist with that tension inside themselves. I don know.. this is just my rambling thoughts on the matter.

Advice wise I think it is prudent to not walk around open and outwardly altruistic, save your energy for the appropriate moment and time, and then "close" yourself again to protect yourself. Unfortunately not every human being is balanced enough to deal with altruism, a lot are just plain animals.

 

[llama112]

Ah I sometimes get the same way. I don't have confidence or self esteem issues but I am very empathetic and really just nice (just being honest). I don't really mind... there are a lot worse things to be! But, if you want to be less like this, think of other's motivations. Why are they asking you to do something?

Like SS said, I think in many relationships there are more dominant partners however it can also depend on the situation. Sometimes one person is more dominant and sometimes it's the other.

 

[Erikmen]

I understand. It seems that sometimes when you are too nice and sensitive, that´s when shit happens. This happens to me too. It is as if I would become vulnerable, when I´m just trying to be nice and empathetic.

 

[Ziiirp]

It is not your fault to be a good person. But in order to stay a good person you should be more careful in choosing, who you want to be really close with.

The best advice I can give you, take your time before any serious decisions (moving in together etc.) are made. Even if the partner is impatient. Waiting would have saved me a lot of hazzle a few times already.

 

[matrixmonkey]

For this I grew a sardonic wit.

 

[Joker11789]

Just remember ..shit happens ..shit always happens..if you avoid 1 thing another thing could happen ..

so don't change yourself just to avoid shit ..just remember you're better than that shit .

 

[ozzmotik]

use your empathic nature to divine the true nature of the actions of those who you feel are manipulating you.

on a more practical note, learn to identify certain behaviors that are indicative of manipulation, and once those red flags are raised, well, the clear solution is to cut yourself off from that sort of negative influence. there is no reason to punish yourself just because you are altruistic and sensitive to the emotions of the world around you. a lot of it also comes down to some amount of confidence, but then the problem also arises that confidence is bred by success. the point is that sometimes, you just have to fake it until you make it. hard advice to follow, and hard words to swallow too...

people will attempt to take advantage of you for as long as you allow them to. it is hard to impress this upon people, but choosing to associate with people and still be pleasant with them even when they have no respect for you or your desires, breeds the idea in their mind that it is okay to take advantage of you (or that you won't do shit which really adds up to the same thing)

no-one deserves to be used. this sorta hits home with me, but for different reasons that i altogether don't feel are necessarily a grand idea to expose to the world at large.

another piece of advice i would have would be to learn what your true value is; learn to disregard your idealized self, and learn to discard the self that these people who take advantage of you have created. identify who you really are, i find it provides extreme solace and comfort to be self-aware of your positive traits, not just your negative ones. don't feel bad about your situation though; it can happen to anyone.

you can't always just feel bad for someone and do what they are asking of you just because your empathic nature allows you to feel their (supposed) pain. it's not your job to solve the problems that everyone else has; i'd find it a more appropriate approach to find some value in putting yourself before others sometimes. i'm not necessarily advocating selfish motivations, but i am saying that there's a certain amount of selfishness required in living.

i feel like i've talked around the point. sorry if i did.

 

[Erikmen]

It is not your fault to be a good person. But in order to stay a good person you should be more careful in choosing, who you want to be really close with.

The best advice I can give you, take your time before any serious decisions (moving in together etc.) are made. Even if the partner is impatient. Waiting would have saved me a lot of hazzle a few times already.

That´s very true. We never know to whom you are really getting together with.. Waiting can be a good tactic but you need a lot of self control.

 

[socko]

I think I have the same problem when it comes to relationships -- every American gf I've had seems to be manipulative. I don't know if this is a cultural thing -- something that American Women do -- taking manipulation to its extreme end. I don't know what i'm doing wrong other than picking the losers. I don't think its something about myself that brings this bad behaviour out of them -- all I have asked for is a certain amount of personal space and a little time for my own thoughts -- to get out of their headspace for a little while. Even my current gf has shown her true colors. I'm ready to go back to being single and have the occasional "fuck buddy" or hire prostitutes if I have to. Maybe I'll buy a mail-order bride.

 

[Teabag Johnny]

I think I have the same problem when it comes to relationships -- every American gf I've had seems to be manipulative. I don't know if this is a cultural thing -- something that American Women do -- taking manipulation to its extreme end. I don't know what i'm doing wrong other than picking the losers. I don't think its something about myself that brings this bad behaviour out of them -- all I have asked for is a certain amount of personal space and a little time for my own thoughts -- to get out of their headspace for a little while. Even my current gf has shown her true colors. I'm ready to go back to being single and have the occasional "fuck buddy" or hire prostitutes if I have to. Maybe I'll buy a mail-order bride.

You're actual a cool looking guy. I see a lot potential in you becoming a Pick-Up Artist. You need to start with your self esteem first & stop being so hard on yourself. Understand that there are thousands or available women out there & you never have to get emotionally caught up in one. When the right one comes along, then that would be a different story.

You don't need to hire an escort buddy