feeling lil better♡¿¿

[pheeny888]

New to BL forum for just a few days. Sorry my posts are more like short stories but, this part of my life no one knows. I was in it all alone so getting alot off my chest.!!!
Posted about a former "friend" who owes me money for dope.Update is nothing about her. She still hasn't texted or called. One more quick vent about it.
My problem with the situation is how could she burn me like this? People all commented shes in"dope fiend mode" but she was ALWAYS in dope fiend mode. Im hurt by her taking my money n not giving one F*** about it. Thats all.
On another note i feel lil better. Last night was my first night in yrs i didn't come home from work n stick a needle in my arm.
Just for the record im on a M.Clinic so it was all psychological for me at this point.Honestly i do think thats just as hard as physical addiction. The puking ceases but the brains thinking doesn't.
So i wanted to share im actually excited. I was feeling so done with the bs it caused in my life.
It was feeling so not worth it and...
That has never happened to me.
There was ALWAYS a reason i HAD to stop. The law, rehabs, things like that. Even though now i dont have a connect so i dont really have a choice, although i could find it if i put a lil effort in...difference? I DONT WANT TO.
I cant even begin to describe how different im feeling.
All my yrs of addiction this feeling of not wanting it is well....AMAZING! !!!
Have i reached the end of it? Am i finally over the shit? Im feeling like yes I AM.
What a relief n a blessing to just do this on my own.
Guess u can say her ripping me off was the best thing could've happened!
Cant believe im saying this.but i am. Thank you god for keeping me strong. It will only get better from here.
THANK YOU all for listening. Like i said Im in this alone ( cept for the bitch took my $)
So its helping me out putting my words here.
please pray for me my strength n id love to hear how you felt when you felt you were over the drugs?
Feeling Finally FREE!!

 

[Keif' Richards]

Way to keep things positive man. Hopefully you're able to put down the Opioids for good now. The chick who burned you will get hers. One thing that Junkies do that pisses me off the most, is not taking any responsbility at all for their actions, because they are addicts. They hide behind it. They don't want to admit that maybe they're just bad people and that's why they stole.

Not all Heroin addicts steal. Not all of them rip people off without any care as to how it might hurt them. I've done things I'm not proud of myself, but I always had boundaries.

 

[Pill2Chill]

I'm actually almost over withdrawal. I went through it all by myself too (the once a week call to my mom not included, ) I can feel it's getting a lot better. Huzzah.

Today was my first day off sub and somehow I still found the energy to clean my room which was a FILTHY DISGUSTING mess. Now it's clean as a whistle. Feels good to be in a cleaned environment, so feeling content about that. Dunno if that might be an issue with you? When I go on opiate benders I tend to stop caring, when I start withdrawing I tend to care even less. So yeah. But it helps immensely with my state of mind right now. Feeling kinda good, and even somewhat hopeful towards the future. *fingers crossed, for you and for myself.*

 

[pheeny888]

Good for you. Im scared to get off the methadone. Ive been on it for roughly 15 yrs. Using all thru it on n off.
Cleaning wasn't too much of an issue for me although this week was the first time since i began this nightmare that i tossed ALL my gear i used in my daily abuse.
Ive never done that. Ive always hung onto at least one jammy so " just incase " something came around.
Well im finally thru w it.
All the money ,time ,n my freaking life i spent on the garbage . Feels liberating.
But i do remember long time ago when i wasn't on the clinic yet i kicked n yeah my place was a discusting mess. The worst was when i found a plate of chinese food behind my couch mustve been there 5 months ??
That was bad. And i came from a nice clean home.
It turned me into something i wasn't. It made me do things i cant even imagine now.
But yes its over for me n god bless us both. Living life on lifes terms was a saying always stuck with me..so true.

 

[pheeny888]

True. I can honestly say that i never ripped anyone off. Never left anyone hanging.
And i hope she does get hers. This really hurt me. And only cos she n i would constantly talk about the peeps who did this n ghost how could they n oh i wouldn't do that. Well she did it.
Oh well.
A friend of mine referred to the movie a bronx tale. I dont remember it but he says some guy was chasing someone saying they owed him $20. The other guy said think of it as a payment to never see him again. Mine was 5 x as much but seeing all the damage shes done to me its a small price to have that temptation gone from my life.
I knew id be done with it when she left my store( job). Getting clean without police involvement is a beautiful thing! Lol...seriously is though.