• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

feeling guilty

citizen cained

citizen cained

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
507
Location
Wherever I wake up in the morning, so my house mos
Hi all, bit of background, my girlfriend and I have been together for over 2 years and have lived together for most of that time, neither of us have ever cheated (at least I am pretty certain she hasn't).

Yesterday, my girlfriend got home after a night out with her friends and went on my laptop (this is normal, I let her use my laptop) I had left my facebook logged in so when she went to go on facebook, I was already logged in.

Now what she did next was, in my opinion, a breach of trust but I am willing to overlook this as what she discovered was worse; she read some messages I have been sending to a (male) friend a few months back, he was having women troubles so we were talking about our significant others, eventually we got on to the subject of GF's being "controlling" (his GF is quite controlling), anyway during this conversation I said something along the lines of "I left my GF a while back as she was being too controlling, I think she has learned her lesson since then" she saw this message and is understandably very upset and I feel terrible for writing it in the first place as it was a dickish move on my part.

Anyway, I do truly love her and feel guilty and terrible for what I wrote, she is a bit withdrawn and upset but said she still loves me and I believe her. I just feel terrible for bad mouthing her like that.

What do you recommend I do from now on in order to win back her trust and make her happy again?
 
I feel like what you say in confidence shouldn't be held against you. She chose to read your messages, therefor she shouldn't really have a say in what she saw. However since you have already accepted the fact that it was wrongful in your opinion to say that about her, I recommend the basic things that are the foundations of a relationship. Honestly. Kindness. Both of those go a long way.
 
She shouldn't have been reading your messages.

I have broken up with women just to get them to cut out an annoying thing they do like being to demanding for example or in this case going thru your private messages and then getting pissed about it. If anyone should be pissed it should be you. I guess really it would be easiest to just squash the whole thing.

Maybe delete your messages now that you know she will read your stuff. If people do something once, they tend to do it again. I really hate people going thru my stuff and had a friend go thru my text messages and find some pictures and messages that caused a tremendous amount of drama when he got jealous of me being with this woman he wanted. He ended up forwarding some of the pictures and messages to some people. Now I have a password on my phone and am no longer friends with the guy who went thru my phone.

As far as you emphasizing with your friend in a confidential conversation, its really none of her business. She went thru your personal correspondences and read them and she needs to get over it tbph. She shouldn't have snooped if she was gonna get her panties in a bunch over what she would find.

I don't really think you did anything wrong and its kind of controlling of her to say I don't like what you say to your friends privately. So right now she put a guilt trip on you which is kind of lame. I think you two should just try to drop the whole thing. If she has dropped it just don't bring it up and she should be OK.
 
Last edited:
dopemaster said:
She shouldn't have been reading your messages.

I have broken up with women just to get them to cut out an annoying thing they do like being to demanding for example or in this case going thru your private messages and then getting pissed about it. If anyone should be pissed it should be you. I guess really it would be easiest to just squash the whole thing.

Maybe delete your messages now that you know she will read your stuff. If people do something once, they tend to do it again. I really hate people going thru my stuff and had a friend go thru my text messages and find some pictures and messages that caused a tremendous amount of drama when he got jealous of me being with this woman he wanted. He ended up forwarding some of the pictures and messages to some people. Now I have a password on my phone and am no longer friends with the guy who went thru my phone.

As far as you emphasizing with your friend in a confidential conversation, its really none of her business. She went thru your personal correspondences and read them and she needs to get over it tbph. She shouldn't have snooped if she was gonna get her panties in a bunch over what she would find.

I don't really think you did anything wrong and its kind of controlling of her to say I don't like what you say to your friends privately. So right now she put a guilt trip on you which is kind of lame. I think you two should just try to drop the whole thing. If she has dropped it just don't bring it up and she should be OK.
Click to expand...

I would be pissed if she read a message slagging her off after an argument, for example me speaking to my friend about how she does my head in at times etc because you need that outlet at times otherwise if you feel you can't get it off your chest privately it will damage the relationship imo because I would just end up doing it to her face and that won't be good.

The reason I feel guilty is because it wasn't slagging her off as such, it was very degrading for her and talking about her like she is a pet who needs to have behaviour changed.

I will be deleting messages often from now on, if anything this has damaged her chances of "snooping" my messages as I am now going to be extra careful if I have bad mouthed her in a conversation (which I sometimes need to do as I explained above and I am sure she does the same thing).

Hopefully she won't feel the need to go through my private stuff again not that she will be able to from now on.

I think I am going to let it fade out and hope she doesn't mention it again..
 
citizen cained said:
Hi all, bit of background, my girlfriend and I have been together for over 2 years and have lived together for most of that time, neither of us have ever cheated (at least I am pretty certain she hasn't).

Yesterday, my girlfriend got home after a night out with her friends and went on my laptop (this is normal, I let her use my laptop) I had left my facebook logged in so when she went to go on facebook, I was already logged in.

Now what she did next was, in my opinion, a breach of trust but I am willing to overlook this as what she discovered was worse; she read some messages I have been sending to a (male) friend a few months back, he was having women troubles so we were talking about our significant others, eventually we got on to the subject of GF's being "controlling" (his GF is quite controlling), anyway during this conversation I said something along the lines of "I left my GF a while back as she was being too controlling, I think she has learned her lesson since then" she saw this message and is understandably very upset and I feel terrible for writing it in the first place as it was a dickish move on my part.

Anyway, I do truly love her and feel guilty and terrible for what I wrote, she is a bit withdrawn and upset but said she still loves me and I believe her. I just feel terrible for bad mouthing her like that.

What do you recommend I do from now on in order to win back her trust and make her happy again?
Click to expand...

Say you're sorry and do not bad mouth your girlfriend again for instant gratification. Also, make sure she doesn't have access to your saying in the future.
 
I believe this situation will solve itself if you both love each other. We all have ups and downs in relationships, this just sounds to me like an average run-of-the-mill issue, that really doesn't require too much thinking or problem solving.

Maybe let it play out, say you were thinking differently back then (months ago ?), and that you have changed your view on her. If it is the case that she is still seeming like controlling to you, then perhaps you could talk that through and ask for some more space?

Good luck, regardless.
 
It bothers me when people abuse technology in this way.

I personally would have been disturbed by her decision to read through a conversation you had with someone that should have remained private.

Her feelings are valid, as are yours. But, I think she should accept that she chose to snoop through your correspondence.

How do you make it up to her? You continue loving her as you always have.

In future, I would provide her with a separate account on your computer with her own password and priviledges.
 
Exactly.

I wouldn't pander to her boo hoo, you said things about me that are true.

They still are apparently? I mean really, when you think about it more objectively.

Of course I am single, for that reason. Many girls can be incredibly hypocritical and annoying.
 
Her snooping through your shit is a deal breaker. She doesn't trust you. Now, you can't trust her. She's also choosing to overlook the way you treat her in lieu of some WORDS you said. Actions speak louder than words...
 
citizen cained said:
I would be pissed if she read a message slagging her off after an argument, for example me speaking to my friend about how she does my head in at times etc because you need that outlet at times otherwise if you feel you can't get it off your chest privately it will damage the relationship imo because I would just end up doing it to her face and that won't be good.

The reason I feel guilty is because it wasn't slagging her off as such, it was very degrading for her and talking about her like she is a pet who needs to have behaviour changed.

I will be deleting messages often from now on, if anything this has damaged her chances of "snooping" my messages as I am now going to be extra careful if I have bad mouthed her in a conversation (which I sometimes need to do as I explained above and I am sure she does the same thing).

Hopefully she won't feel the need to go through my private stuff again not that she will be able to from now on.

I think I am going to let it fade out and hope she doesn't mention it again..
Click to expand...


Oh, you can bet your ass she bad-mouths you, lol. Everyone in relationships, healthy ones at least, gets angry or aggravated with their partner at some point in the relationship. Just because you say something negative about the one you care for or love doesn't mean it's meant to disrespect, them, though. She probably does the same thing to you, but can dish it out and can't take it.
 
i read my exs meessages once, big mistake, she was bithing about me and personal shit to her ex, who cheated on her and hurt her, yet she was telling him she wasnt hapy with me,
what i seen still haunts me lol
 
The whole issue has calmed down now, seems she was making a big fuss one day then it was all forgotten about the next. From now on, I will keep an eye on what she can and cannot see.

P.s. she has never checked convos before, I personally think as she was drunk (after getting home from a night out) her curiosity got the better of her.

Either way, it's all sorted now :)

Thanks.
 
I'm glad it's all sorted out now :)

Hopefully it's a one time thing. Although "snooping" isn't usually a "one time thing", it can be. If you trust her, then it could be a one time thing.

That being said... my bf and I know each other's passwords for phones, computers, etc. He's logged into facebook and stuff on my computer. the most I do is accidentally go to his homepage or whatever before I realize it's his :P (We have a lot of mutual friends so it doesn't click in right away haha). I dunno if you really should be hiding stuff. I mean, it makes it seem like you're doing something wrong. Maybe you did word that sentence incorrectly BUT still... really... I don't think it's really that bad?

Glad she got over it quickly though :D
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top