Feelin almost too good, onset mania or.. ?

[theartofwar]

This past week, I got rear ended - im pretty fuckin fond of my ride so i wasn't happy. I continued to get hit by a car lol , and then other night i found out my grandmother has a type of rather rapid alzheimers.

I feel all those emotions, but with PTSD I sometimes wonder if I'm a little too happy - I have had some badddd hypo nights spending 10-15k fucking shit up to pieces.

It has been 5 years since anything like that. I'm wondering if it's just being clean and having a very strict schedule ? I honestly just want to know any REAL subtle signs of mania, personal experience please because I've read the books back to front.

note - could quite well be AAS also, but I would MUCH rather be safe than sorry.

 

[blahman8000]

I wouldn't obsess over it and ruin what could just be happiness by overthinking it. If things get out of control, then yeah, there might be a problem. But there's nothing wrong with just feeling happy. That's my opinion, at least.

 

[theartofwar]

for sure, I'm more curious - I have a lot of things going on atm but I've never been more dialed in my life. Tbh I will advocate TRT for anyone with depression or PTSD any day of the week. But thats my 2cc's. And since I don't go off, well yeah lol.

 

[Lolie]

You've been through a range of extreme emotions over the last few weeks so that is reason for caution. The big problem is that the early signs of hypo/mania are almost indistinguishable from "normal" enthusiasm, confidence, drive, ambition, optimism etc.

It would be wise to be mindful of your thoughts and emotions at the moment - incongruent emotions can be a huge red flag.

For me personally, mania is always accompanied by a decreased need for sleep, a huge upswing in physical energy, rapid and complex speech, hyperfocus, hypersexuality, increased sociability, and a feeling that "everything's coming together". It's really the combination of those things which are cause for alarm with me rather than any one thing on its own.

 

[theartofwar]

You've been through a range of extreme emotions over the last few weeks so that is reason for caution. The big problem is that the early signs of hypo/mania are almost indistinguishable from "normal" enthusiasm, confidence, drive, ambition, optimism etc.

It would be wise to be mindful of your thoughts and emotions at the moment - incongruent emotions can be a huge red flag.

For me personally, mania is always accompanied by a decreased need for sleep, a huge upswing in physical energy, rapid and complex speech, hyperfocus, hypersexuality, increased sociability, and a feeling that "everything's coming together". It's really the combination of those things which are cause for alarm with me rather than any one thing on its own.

boom.

but then again Seabiscuit doesn't have as much juice in him than I do... so I'm trying to figure it out. Will say that this does happen everytime I cycle but I don't plan on coming off ever this time and the cycle is more than I ever have done. Who knows. I will play this by ear, keep w/bloodworks and be safe as I can.

 

[paranoid android]

Since you do roids that could be making things worse since we all know roids arent the best things for anyones sanity much less someone who already has a mental illness. So if your not going to stop atleast becareful.

I get pretty much most of the same symptoms that lolie described except instead of hyperfocus i feel scattered. I'll jump from one idea to another or one activity to another because it's hard to focus on just one thing.

 

[theartofwar]

I'd advocate TRT for anyone with depression before any SSRI if they are male brother.

I know it sounds absurd - and granted steroids are in a sense my anti drug to opiates. I party and enjoy life, I did K last night was up till 3 - up at 6:30 cooking my meals , lifting and sparring. I have to say this time at 25 , this is honestly the last chance I have (so it feels) so the motivation is VERY high. I have more to lose now than I ever knew I could. I love a wonderful woman, my family sees me as while different (buncha phds) no slacker - i put more time in daily with training than I honestly would bore you all the details. Personal training is picking up, and I mean yes life is hard but when you have weekly goals you keep one going through ... is it wrong to feel this good ? I dunno brother, it's tough to say because it's been years w/out opiates - shit food tastes different, shit smells different - my whole life is so changed. I honestly do think I am just happy, accepting the difficult but also while I'm stubborn I will acknowledge when I am wrong. This latter part makes me think this is not any form of mania.

I don't think I was ever wrong when mania began ... and then when full blown - fuck it I was absolutely 100% right lol.

 

[Lolie]

Since you do roids that could be making things worse since we all know roids arent the best things for anyones sanity much less someone who already has a mental illness. So if your not going to stop atleast becareful.

I get pretty much most of the same symptoms that lolie described except instead of hyperfocus i feel scattered. I'll jump from one idea to another or one activity to another because it's hard to focus on just one thing.

I'll usually start out being hyperfocused on one thing but as I decompensate more and more things will grab my attention and I'll become this ball of nebulous energy in search of a target - instead of my attention being on the thing in front of me it will be on all the other things I've put on my plate.

Lots of times that low level hypomania doesn't cross the line into something destructive - it's there for a while and then subsides of it's own accord. Learning to recognise when it's becoming dangerous and I really need to stop it in its tracks (because it's so fucking seductive) remains a challenge to me at 50.

 

[CBRworm]

It's quite a ride. Something most people can never understand. My wife doesn't even understand. I love it.

For me the biggest sign is incredible energy to do or solve anything, people at work typically notice my productivity increase, the next sign is buying everything I think i might ever need. That is when I have to take action. Each time I can look back and see the progression.

It is amazing how every piece of your being can change from scared depressed and docile to on top of the world.

 

[Lolie]

^^^

I think it's very hard for people to relate to the idea of being confident, productive, energetic, engaged, etc as being a bad thing - those are qualities and attributes which are seen as highly desirable and which society values and rewards.

I think that the story of Mark Whitacre - the guy played by Matt Damon in The Informant - gives a pretty good insight into how fantasy and reality get interwoven in the mind of someone experiencing a manic episode.