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Feel so trapped

A

anon4personal

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 23, 2010
Messages
3
I feel like I've made so many friends over the years strictly as a survival mechanism. By that I mean that I care so little about myself in down times that it's really only the fact that my death would devastate others so much that it's whats keeping me from a peaceful death.

I'm hitting what is the worst time i can remember right now and I just feel alone and panicky. It's seeping into every aspect of my life. I'm coming off a lot of drug use and the demise of what I thought was going to be the relationship with the love of my life. I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist next friday and I'm just really having trouble holding on until then. It's affecting everything in my life.

Please, even if you don't have insight, I really need some good wishes right now. Anything. If you know who I am or don't anything would help because I'm feeling so low and it really is you guys that are keeping me from doing something that would affect everyone around me. This site has given me so much over the years, I just need some kindness right now.

Please.

:(
 
Hey, hang on there...if you read through some other threads you can see that a lot of people are going through difficulties with ended relationships, so you're not alone.

Hopefully your new psychiatrist will be helpful, but just make sure to take care of yourself in the meantime. Relax, do some meditation, exercise, get some good rest, etc. I'm not sure what drugs you have been using or in what amount but after coming off a massive bender it's normal for you to feel particularly unstable. It will pass and you will be able to get through whatever you are experiencing now.
 
Every man woman and child is a compilation of a unique set of thoughts beliefs and skills arising from an even more unique set of experiences. Some choose to offer them to society in a preconcieved "useful" way, some choose to use them to find the right people in the right place to be happy. The ones who don't realize this, because of the shitty things that life confronts us with sometimes, get lost and end up believing the egotistic or mean people of the world that you for some reason aren't unique. Some get caught up with the wrong people, and because this doesn't work, believe the world isn't made for them.

I don't have to know you to know you're one of a kind! There is a right balance in life for you (that works JUST for you). You may not have found it, as in the right people or the right place. But theyre out there. And if you end your life, you'll never get to find them, your true self, or all the fantastic answers about life and the universe that can be answered only while living a life.

I will admit I'm in a rough place right now too. I've even only very recently turned to these boards. Even in the distant way that I did, there have been people who have embraced me with open arms, and given me hope with only a few words.

I can see you don't want to die. You want to find a balance that's a fit for you, and receive some encouraging words when you couldn't get them immediately after a traumatic ordeal, for which I feel greatly for you. I hope you realize dieing by your own hand isn't worth it, because it doesn't bring happiness. What can? Living! It takes a little time, and a lot of strength but it can be done. I have lost track of that belief, but regardless of that little voice that says "just end it peacefully", I know deep down there is an even grander, more enticing and logical voice that says "seek necessary help, put in some emotional effort because if you do, once you become happy, you'll be even more happy than all those who have never experienced what its like to want to die".

My psychiatrist today spoke to me about relativity in emotion. Basically he explained that since we have both felt the utter lows in life, we are given the ability to one day when presented with the right circumstances, feel simple happiness as an utter high. That is something now driving me personally to find a treatment and life that works.

PM me if you'd like to talk some more. I give you my word that I will be there for you in need.
 
Hang in there.. we all have ups and Downs. Think of good times you have had...

I watched the sunrise come up last week on the beach and it made feel like one with the earth... and alltho there is so much sadness, crime, war, dirty filth, that we put on this earth She still holds us and hangs I'n there .. and she has been through hell.

I want to post a pic of the sunrise but I'm on my phone I will post it so you can see.
 
Thank you all.

I think I might go check into the hospital.

That pic of the sunrise made me start crying uncontrollably in my car for so many reasons. I still can't stop.

I'm so touched by the kindness of you guys.

I will never forget this
 
hang on man. idk what is up lately but so many people including myself are having a terrible time right now. through my work as a nurse i've felt the horrible pain of my patients as well as the devastation of their friends and families when a loved one has died.
i know right now it's beyond comprehension that life can get better but it can and it will.
hang on one second at a time if you have to but just hang on. i know things will change because i've been exactly where you are.
best of luck to you.
-izzy
 
bobert the man said:
Every man woman and child is a compilation of a unique set of thoughts beliefs and skills arising from an even more unique set of experiences. Some choose to offer them to society in a preconcieved "useful" way, some choose to use them to find the right people in the right place to be happy. The ones who don't realize this, because of the shitty things that life confronts us with sometimes, get lost and end up believing the egotistic or mean people of the world that you for some reason aren't unique. Some get caught up with the wrong people, and because this doesn't work, believe the world isn't made for them.

I don't have to know you to know you're one of a kind! There is a right balance in life for you (that works JUST for you). You may not have found it, as in the right people or the right place. But theyre out there. And if you end your life, you'll never get to find them, your true self, or all the fantastic answers about life and the universe that can be answered only while living a life.

I will admit I'm in a rough place right now too. I've even only very recently turned to these boards. Even in the distant way that I did, there have been people who have embraced me with open arms, and given me hope with only a few words.

I can see you don't want to die. You want to find a balance that's a fit for you, and receive some encouraging words when you couldn't get them immediately after a traumatic ordeal, for which I feel greatly for you. I hope you realize dieing by your own hand isn't worth it, because it doesn't bring happiness. What can? Living! It takes a little time, and a lot of strength but it can be done. I have lost track of that belief, but regardless of that little voice that says "just end it peacefully", I know deep down there is an even grander, more enticing and logical voice that says "seek necessary help, put in some emotional effort because if you do, once you become happy, you'll be even more happy than all those who have never experienced what its like to want to die".

My psychiatrist today spoke to me about relativity in emotion. Basically he explained that since we have both felt the utter lows in life, we are given the ability to one day when presented with the right circumstances, feel simple happiness as an utter high. That is something now driving me personally to find a treatment and life that works.

PM me if you'd like to talk some more. I give you my word that I will be there for you in need.
Click to expand...

This is what I would have tryed to say..but would have never explained it so well. I know I haven't been in the tds section long but all of us fellow tds browsers have our hopes for the best for you!

Everyone is a unique person..everyone is made to live for something. The pieces will fall into place before you know it. Stay strong my friend
 
Bobert...those are insightful words, man. Thank you

I decided to stay with some family tonight instead of checking in. Going to the hospital is scary. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Here's to sleep and a better day tomorrow.
 
this too shall pass
i always get told that and its hard to believe but its true. I know when your in a situation where every thing is bad, you are depressed that you think this depression will never end. But it will, and you will be a stronger person after when you overcome your problems. You said you're coming off drugs, thats a really good thing! keep up the good work, and remember THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
 
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