we sound like we a few things in common. im bipolar as well. been self medicating for more than a decade. was on APs for five years or so and have what seems to be permanent problems from them now. ive been off for about two years. at one point i was on over a half dozen medications. down to just gabapentin now and working on being sober more consistently.
quitting APs was the hardest thing ive ever had to do. harder than jail, harder than quitting benzos and opiates, really fucking hard and still is. did a lot of damage to my brain from all the drugs. i even developed tourettes like verbal tics from them after quitting from extreme anxiety i think and had a lot of other problems. i felt similar to you and the drugs were messing me up. worked at first...yada yada.
generally when quitting drugs, you do 'breaks' last or things that slow you down. so benzos, gabapentin, things like that would usually go last. APs are kind of an exception, because the longer you are on them, the more damage they cause. stimulants i usually do first and other easier things to quit. it would help if we knew what you were taking.
anyway, i have a lot of experience with tapering and quitting drugs, so id be happy to help. when you have been on APs long term, you should be really cautious. I wasn't able to work for months at a time and did a lot of damage from going too fast i think. i tapered for over a year and still messed up, but i was on zyprexa which is pretty strong. either way be careful. you have to take it easy. it was absolute torture for a long time and i have some nerve damage now from it all. so it can be dangerous.
all in all, i am doing much better now off of most the meds and drugs. it was rough for a while, but i feel like myself much more than i was when i was so drugged. it takes time, it took me about 18 months to really start feeling better. its been almost two years now but i still have lingering issues. it takes time and patience and staying away from the shrinks and doctors. I prob would have been institutionalized had i told anyone what was going on. I would gladly have accepted help, but nobody understands protracted withdrawal. it would have made me worse to have received any pharmacological intervention. you have to be stubborn and determined to get off bc it is challenging.
Getting off of all the drugs and untangling the web is the first step. it takes time. then you can reassess and go from there. you also have to work on the addiction. lately i just pot anymore. im trying to quit alcohol and limiting my use of other substances to a rare occasion. it makes a difference for all of my issues. theres a lot of ways to get help with that. SMART recovery is a good option. either way you will need support. letting a family member or close friend know isn't a bad idea. The sober living crew is a pretty lively and supportive bunch and they have helped me when ive needed it.
tell us some more of what is going on and what you are taking, etc.
cheers, welcome to BL