fall from great

[Blennz]

My life, 3-4 years ago was great, but let me give a little introduction.

I got heavily into metaphysics after studying up on psychology for a year and abit, i was 15. I Wanted to go through a kundalini awakening, so i tried hard with meditation 30min to 2 hours a day. <I began doing a stressful job>

When i first began olfactory hallucinations, i started suffering as everytime i walked out of a room i could hear people commenting, and i thought it was real, it started to break down my self esteem. I t then led to voices, i would hear voices in my head, because i was very spiritual i took this as a kundalini awakening, i could hear everyone in the neighbourhood hearing my thoughts, so i repented, with no option to but taking it aboard strongly as a spiritual endevour i started to repent to everyone individiually for all the wrong doings i had done. because when u are under pressure u think of someone and naturally the worst things come out because you are afraid to say it.

I then started hearing that i was going to heaven, and that heaven was on earth and psychologically doings caused states of increased energy flowing everywhere, i could see energy all over the place. when i started hearing voices, i started hearing freemasons and asio, asio being australia's version of nsa. Since then the psychological turmoil has started, i was very intelligent and what happened to me with ephinenies caused insane realisations, and i had a whole plan i went about in regards to what i heard and how to progress with it.

But the main reason im here is, since i started medication and my hospital admittance for 3 months when i started hearing voices has lost my self esteem, it had given me anhedonia where i barely feel like im alive and i commit to nothing, i cant even catch up with friends without being bored immediately, so i will catch up for a few hours then go home and lie in bed and feel in the same state, i cannot kick it. I am actually suffering Horrifically. This took me heaps to write this, i wanted to get it off my hcest for ages but havent had the will to do it, so i wrote this fast, finally. I dont know how to find joy in life again, and hoping who has suffered similiarly could help me out

 

[KillCops]

Sounds like you have what western culture would call Kundalini syndrome. so basically you got the Kundalini awakening you were aiming for but you don't know how to handle it. i don't really know what you're experiencing but i would try to get off the medication and learn how to use this new power in a positive manner. in my opinion it should not be looked at as a disorder and you should consider yourself gifted. and also if you don't function in society the way you have been taught your whole life that you're supposed to then fuck it. you have reached a higher state of consciousness than most people ever will and it sounds like the possibilities are endless once you learn how to handle what you have achieved. agian i cant fully understand what your going through but that's just the idea that i got from what i read.

 

[_DankOpiAmp_]

Those medications are sadistic poisons, the neuroleptics rape everything that makes life worth living. I've never heard of the awakening you speak of but I can understand how it would sound schizo to a doctor.

 

[bukweat]

From what I have learned about my native American culture you have received a gift and a power. Modern culture doesn't accept the fact that some are awakened to a higher level of thought(consciousness).
See this as a positive step. You have achieved a power and are overwhelmed. Acceptance is a step you must take. Realization and serenity will be achieved as you learn to master your consciousness.
The meds you are taking are dulling your senses. What you choose to do about it is something only you and maybe a doctor will decide.

 

[Vaya]

Hmm. I used to know a bit about Kundalini Awakeninings and Kundalini Meditation... not any more, though. I can't really offer you any advice on that point.

But to stay focused on what we, at large, call reality, it seems as though you truly are suffering some serious psychiatric side-effects of these medications that were likely prescribed to you during your hospital stay. Can you tell us which medications those were?

Would you prefer this thread remain in The Dark Side, or would you like it to be moved to Mental Health?

I hope today finds you relatively well... I will wait for your response...

~ Vaya

 

[Vaya]

OP, you still around?

 

[Blennz]

yes im still around, thanks for the responses guys, unfortunately i have no option in the meds, im on a CTO, which is what everyone gets when they go to hospital, it makes taking medication involuntary. I heard a great deal that medication was no good for those going through awakenings and it did nothing to help me, not that i wanted it, to begin with. I wanted to be fully admersed in what was going on around me and being conscious of my thoughts. In hospital i went through a shamantic dismemberment experience and i had notions of tell the truth, remain humble, speak when spoken to etc, which made them abit worried but i felt it was for the betterment long term to abide by these policies. I managed to quit drugs, cigarettes and go vegetarian for 7months before the system defeated me to some extent and i went backwards. Now a days i feel life less, dead like walking around with no emotion or anything.
Vaya i would like it to remain here thanks

 

[neversickanymore]

TDS ---> Philosophy and Spirituality

 

[-=SS=-]

I got heavily into metaphysics after studying up on psychology for a year and abit, i was 15. I Wanted to go through a kundalini awakening, so i tried hard with meditation 30min to 2 hours a day. <I began doing a stressful job>

Were you taking any psychedelic drugs or otherwise during this time? And what exactly were you doing during your meditation, focusing on your third eye etc?

I think there's a lot of bad and potentially dangerous information floating around about kundalini etc. If you want to go the spiritual path then drugs are out.. you need to be of a clear head to do the serious work. Psychedelics add another layer of confusion to your perceptions, and open you up to other intelligences. For meditation one doesn't need to focus on any chakra or anything like that, again that is potentially misleading and dangerous information. All you need to do is introspection and focus inwardly, examine the mind.