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Fake!

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
1,297
Location
Looking-Glass Land
Hi,

I often hear people call others fake.

I've said it to people before too.

But I'm not really sure what it means.

I went to a family get together yesterday. At first it was extremely awkward, because I felt insecure for forgetting my relatives names when they remembered mine. My insecurity was contagious and everyone was on edge, out of their element. Once I felt this and couldn't take it any longer, I bursted out saying "ALRIGHT I don't know anyone's names. Please explain to me the family tree."

After that, I was pretty much the life of the party and felt at great ease because I killed the awkwardness. It then became a true party.

Another example, when I'm with my SO I often feel like she's being fake. She's way more social and smiley and laughy with strangers than behind closed doors. I used to think that was fake, and accused her of "acting" or trying too hard. But it comes so easy to her, and she genuinely enjoys social interactions.

Is she is "fake" for that? I used to think so. But as I spend more time with her I realize that it's not so much a consious effort to be "fake", she genuinely enjoys including others and bringing the best out of them. Also, she had something tragic happen in her life when she was in middle school, and it could be that she learned to cope by staying positive and not letting negative people bring down her spirits, so she tries very hard to bring out the best in all social situations.

Despite her way of interacting, she doesn't talk shit, back stab or cheat, and she is brutal about who she will and won't engage with. She doesn't let anyone dictate how she is supposed to think or feel.

I wanted to illustrate this, because often people who are jealous of those who are more successful in aspects of life say they are fake when in reality they are just doing their best to navigate life given the hand they were dealt.

I think the word is annoying to hear unless it's talking about like a two faced backstabber
 
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mtu mwendawazimu said:
I think the word is annoying to hear unless it's talking about like a two faced backstabber
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This is how I hear it used. If someone has two close friends, but those friends don't like each other, and that someone "plays sides" and caters towards one friend and becomes an asshole to the other, and then when the other says something about it they switch over to their side and be an asshole to the first friend. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. This is what being "fake" is to me, but also it could be called just being a toxic douchebag.
 
yd420 said:
This is how I hear it used. If someone has two close friends, but those friends don't like each other, and that someone "plays sides" and caters towards one friend and becomes an asshole to the other, and then when the other says something about it they switch over to their side and be an asshole to the first friend. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. This is what being "fake" is to me, but also it could be called just being a toxic douchebag.
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Right, makes sense.

I am curious how others see it too, because the word it's thrown around a lot.

I'm sure there are other valid definitions.
 
yd420 said:
This is how I hear it used. If someone has two close friends, but those friends don't like each other, and that someone "plays sides" and caters towards one friend and becomes an asshole to the other, and then when the other says something about it they switch over to their side and be an asshole to the first friend. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. This is what being "fake" is to me, but also it could be called just being a toxic douchebag.
Click to expand...
Interesting way to look at it. That is exacltly how " fake" friends act.

I'm a boomer so my take may be different. I look at the word in it's literal meaning. Not being real. A substitute. Not the genuine article.

Fake people in my eyes are ones that behave in a certain way to go along with the majority rule but in private say otherwise. In other words if I wanted pizza because everyone else did and then complained that I wanted meat loaf instead. Also people that won't stand up to their convictions just because they are the underdog. Like a 12th juror being the hold out for innocent and going along with the other 11 for guilty just because you are outnumbered. To thine own self be true.
 
Nurse Ratched said:
Interesting way to look at it. That is exacltly how " fake" friends act.

I'm a boomer so my take may be different. I look at the word in it's literal meaning. Not being real. A substitute. Not the genuine article.

Fake people in my eyes are ones that behave in a certain way to go along with the majority rule but in private say otherwise. In other words if I wanted pizza because everyone else did and then complained that I wanted meat loaf instead. Also people that won't stand up to their convictions just because they are the underdog. Like a 12th juror being the hold out for innocent and going along with the other 11 for guilty just because you are outnumbered. To thine own self be true.
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Yeah true you alluded to being swayed or peer pressured right?

I think that's a good additional point. Less malicious and less methodical, but equally valid
 
mtu mwendawazimu said:
Yeah true you alluded to being swayed or peer pressured right?

I think that's a good additional point. Less malicious and less methodical, but equally valid
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Yeah exactly. Fake people aren't malicious and most aren't methodical. They almost don't even realize they are behaving differently. I mean we all have more than one personality. How I am with my Mom and how I was with my dealers was totally different. How I was at my job. How I was at a party after 12 beers and a line. All different behaviors but I never thought at the time I was being fake. I guess we all behave differently depending on who we are engaging with.

I guess our thought pattern pretty much determines how we are gonna act and our thought pattern gets it's vibes from who we are with. Very interesting concept this fake question.
 
Nurse Ratched said:
Yeah exactly. Fake people aren't malicious and most aren't methodical. They almost don't even realize they are behaving differently. I mean we all have more than one personality. How I am with my Mom and how I was with my dealers was totally different. How I was at my job. How I was at a party after 12 beers and a line. All different behaviors but I never thought at the time I was being fake. I guess we all behave differently depending on who we are engaging with.

I guess our thought pattern pretty much determines how we are gonna act and our thought pattern gets it's vibes from who we are with. Very interesting concept this fake question.
Click to expand...

Another great point: some people frankly don't know better.

But in my mind, those people are more misguided, confused or not aware than "fake".
 
It's a tricky accusation to make and i have avoided it in my life - partly out of cowardice and partly out of wisdom. However, the phenomenon is real. The perception of fakeness is the observation that someone's contextual adaptation (like Nurse Ratched described) isn't smooth and psychologically sustainable.

The example of backstabbing and "juggling" two friends is a very strong example of this.
 
Mjäll said:
It's a tricky accusation to make and i have avoided it in my life - partly out of cowardice and partly out of wisdom. However, the phenomenon is real. The perception of fakeness is the observation that someone's contextual adaptation (like Nurse Ratched described) isn't smooth and psychologically sustainable.

The example of backstabbing and "juggling" two friends is a very strong example of this.
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Yeah it's a pretty bold accusation, to say ones way of being is not true.

I'll even play devil's advocate for a conversation and say someone could backstab out of a genuine change of heart. Maybe "stab" is an intense word, but people do change. We can't ignore that.
 
Nurse Ratched said:
Also people that won't stand up to their convictions just because they are the underdog. Like a 12th juror being the hold out for innocent and going along with the other 11 for guilty just because you are outnumbered. To thine own self be true.
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Are you referencing the movie 12 Angry Men? One of my all time favorite films. I think it was remade in the past few years but I'll never deviate from the black and white original.
 
My perspective from the flipside of the coin. Back 20 some odd years ago, I got sucked into a multi-level marketing pyramid scheme where, big surprise, I thought I was gonna get rich.

One of the books we were told to read and study was Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. Shit, in hindsight, even the title of that book reeks of fake. The essential premise is that sales people in particular should put on a persona around potential clients where they seem genuinely interested in that person. But in reality it was all to make a buck, hence they were potential clients of whatever bullshit was being sold. Unfortunately I took the book to heart and even after I quit the pyramid scheme, the personality traits kind of stuck with me for a year or so. Believe me, I was popular at my retail job for a while until I felt people began seeing through the charade I was presenting. And it was a charade.

Whatever y'all do, don't read that book. It's an instruction manual on how to be fake. The biggest problem is that the fakeness in unsustainable for any medium to long period of time. Maybe it works in short term sales transactional situations, but in making actual friends I feel one must be themselves. Genuine. If someone doesn't like you for who you are, then they prolly aren't worth the effort of maintaining a friendship. Don't be a social climber, mmkay!
 
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