Mental Health Extreme social anxiety that cycles, Xanax, weed, opiates, stimulants, suicide

[Ryanc78733]

In high school i couldn't sleep without weed 7rs. And wasn't afraid of anything or anyone in social situations. Lived on my own after school only smoking constantly then couldn't handle it anymore. Panic and fear. Joined the Navy and did everything i wanted, was the life of the detachment, raised morale, always had a joke, was at peace with whatever came my way. could connect and effectively lead junior personnel to me. Spent 7 months being aimed at by Iran Fast boats while working on the helicopter. We cant shoot till they do... I think I just shut down cause I've lost my personality being told that if they shoot it should be over quick... My problem now is debilitating social anxiety, i have free college but am terrified of the classmates, getting haircut, getting a job other than delivering pizzas, paranoia ?

The VA docs refuse benzos even tho they work. Weed wasn't an option because of panic attacks...beer not enough pick me up.
Told them i cant live this way and walked out.


Well i "saw" some meth, 1beer, weed, and 2mg of xanax at the same time about 1 hr ago and i feel happy again. Don't care if my roommates hear what music I'm listening to. Confidence, healthy concern for staying alive, calm, cant stress the fact that i don't felt guilty about not being in a constant state of worry. Who cares if they hear what I'm listening to? I know it doesn't make sense but thats the world I've been in.

Obviously cant see this everyday but I see that there might be a way to thrive again and live life.

Right now I'm barely hanging on to my old best friends, it takes everything in me to pretend I'm alright so as to not bring them down. 2 females I've wanted for awhile they basically them selves at me and awkwardly declined because of paranoia....ughhh

I had a plan to check out, it was the situation i said "saw" but in much larger quantities, and if your feeling the same way I was hit me up or know that I feel your suck maybe worse? Or maybe you could help me and that would make you feel better?
I have certainly been humbled-Lost job-friends-status-mental issues-living situation-wrecked car-friend stole from me-mother passing-all in 2 yrs.

BUT I now know it could have been a large part in brain chemistry, maybe an Anti Depressant? Im hopeful again

 

[belfort]

first off, if you have paranoia and social anxiety, never ever do meth again and lay off the weed...stacking these 2 things with boatloads of others drugs will not help but put you in a state of euphoria for a few hours...i highly suggest seeing a therapist or psychiatrist asap..the only thing i can recommend is staying away from all stimulants and this includes caffeine and start exercising every day...

 

[herbavore]

Have you ever contacted The Wounded Warrior Project? Lots of people coming out of the military with similar situations. VA doctors can be horrible or great or somewhere in between so it is pretty much a crap-shoot as far as what the VA care will be like in your area. That is why I am suggesting The Wounded Warrior Project--grassroots from people who were where you were--in other words your peers that are working together to get help for each other.

Anxiety is made much worse by drug use as it only offers temporary, short term masking of your fears and it robs you of the opportunity to get to the roots of it and develop strategies to fight it or counteract it when it arises. This thread has many people weighing in with different strategies they are using. Try everything others are doing and see if anything resonates with you.

For me mindfulness techniques have been the most helpful. Anxiety is after all nothing but our own thoughts projected onto our interactions with the world--in other words nothing but our own made up presumptions. If we can learn to insert that knowledge into our inner conversation with the self every single time we feel ourselves starting to climb aboard that train of anxious thought, it might allow for just standing back and watching the damn thing go by.

 

[Erikmen]

Good idea!