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Mental Health Extreme anxiety crippling life

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dilaudiffeine

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 10, 2014
Messages
15
Hello bluelight I am an opiate addict that self medicates for severe anxiety. my anxiety stems from things that have happened when my biological father left 7 years ago. I am extremely afraid of being alone. I have constant fears that trigger panic attacks, such as something bad happening to my mother, being abandoned again, etc...

I have seen many a counsellor and psychiatrists and have been on all different kinds of meds from effexor to clonazepam to seroquel to (odd) clonidine (not for opiate w/d.) every day i am miserably anxious and edgy unless i have my fix, and opiates are honestly the only thing besides cannabis and some benzos that quench my anxiety's thirst to ruin my life. I try cognitive breathing, positive self affirmations, everything.. and i am still struggling deeply to control this anxiety

BL, I have to face a situation tommorow that will trigger intense panic attacks and i only have a very little amount of chemical help for the morning, please help me, I just need some support :( Thank you to anyone that replies, I can use any advice at this moment.
 
What is it that you have to do that is causing you anxiety? Maybe we could try to talk and walk through that and get to the root cause. <3
 
Hi ad lib, thank you for the reply

what makes me anxious is being alone, or just being in a public environment without people I know and trust. There are some other situations that make me anxious as well. I just want to be able to cope with the situations well without having to use opiates. I am not trying to self incriminate either, I know I am, but I just want to be honest. I need help.
 
dilaudiffeine said:
I am not trying to self incriminate either, I know I am, but I just want to be honest. I need help.
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On BL we don't refer to ourselves as (SWIM, my pet, my friend, etc...) BS because we know who you're talking about. Either way there is nothing criminal about sharing your use/issues. So just be yourself.

On topic: I kind of know where your coming from. I used to get a dark and eerie feeling being "alone" at night specifically when everyone in my household went to sleep, which could lead to anxiety. The one way I solved that was by staying at friends houses every night for a while until I felt fine being alone every now and then. That's just me though. IMO Opiate use would make the anxiety worse, especially when alone.
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
Go see a psychologist. Work through your issues.
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as stated above I have seen psychiatrists and I have tried to work through my problems, otherwise I wouldn't be here asking.

And thank you for your 2 cents Dysphoric, I can relate. I guess the only way to get this monkey off my back is to face the fears head on, then eventually without the use of opiates.
 
I have anxiety as well and I self medicated with opiates in the past. It helped, for sure, but it would leave me with an empty feeling, which made me feel worse at times, similar to what Dysphoric was mentioning. It would leave me even more sad that I could only control it with heroin and that I had withdrawn from my social life because of my use as well.

Since I stopped using, my anxiety is just as bad, but I have better perspective and can work through it more easily. Obviously it's not easy to stop using, but if you're self medicating, you're kind of kicking the can down the road so to speak. I you don't actually find the root of the issue, it won't get better or become more manageable. In the mean time, your best bet would likely be therapy of some sort. If one on one therapy isn't working with a psychologist, maybe there's a support group that meets near you. I'm sure if you googled it, you could find something of the sort near you. Even if it's just AA/NA meetings. I'm not a fan of the AA/NA structure, but talking to people in similar situations can help and maybe that's something that would work for you.
 
dilaudiffeine said:
as stated above I have seen psychiatrists and I have tried to work through my problems, otherwise I wouldn't be here asking.

And thank you for your 2 cents Dysphoric, I can relate. I guess the only way to get this monkey off my back is to face the fears head on, then eventually without the use of opiates.
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Have you seen a psychologist (they're a wee bit different)? Done any research on psychologists in the area? It could be that you just haven't found the right one. There are so many treatment and therapy options out there. You just haven't found it yet. At least, that's what I'm thinking.
 
Hey dilaudiffeine. So sorry to hear that you're struggling with anxiety issues, they can be really terrible. I had (have?) severe generalized anxiety disorder from childhood into adulthood. If counselors and medication are no help to you, you're probably bang on about facing your fears head on. I use to have huge issues with social anxiety. I'd go out with friends and wouldn't be able to speak a word, and when I did respond to conversations that were happening it would always be way past the appropriate moment, which would give me more anxiety. I started going to parties with a book so that whenever I was in a situation where I had no one to talk to I would find a corner, sit down and involve myself in reading. It was really difficult at first, but it made me feel less awkward and also ended up being an easy conversation starter. This helped my social anxiety almost disappear for a few years.

I understand mother issues. My mother has had a terribly traumatic life. I desperately want to save her, to ease her pain. I can't. It's hard to face that sometimes but letting your mothers afflictions/possible afflictions affect your life isn't going to do either one of you any good. I know letting it go is way easier said than done, but keeping that in mind can help.

I've used opiates for anxiety before as well, and they definitely do help. But when your tolerance builds and they stop working, or when/if you do decide it's time to stop it can be hell IMO. I've found that binging then taking time for clarity and sobriety helps more than steady use, not that I'm recommending binging, just my personal experience.

It can take time to find the right counselor for you as well. I've personally found counseling to be ineffective for anxiety, but someone might be able to help you with your abandonment issues and fears for your mother. This in turn will help with your anxiety. Counseling also takes time, sometimes years and it's worth the investment if it improves your quality of life.
 
Psychologist will help you work thru them....A psychatrist only is about med management. Either way the only way I can think is working thru it since psych meds don't seem to work on you and I don't think your a legit PM patient are you? I know what you mean tho.....I used to pop hydro's to calm my anxiety until I saw a doc that would give me klonopin and I just never really struggled with opiates again but I did have a stretch of kratom issues after but I don't even do that anymore. Honestly your going to have to challenge yourself Like I know it just sounds hard but I have OCD and I had to face my fear before I started to defuse it......So Either you try to find a benzo that a doctor will prescribe and don't allow the addiction to opiates deceive you saying it's for the pain because in the manner you use them, there more harm then good.
 
Thank you everybody for the replies, I truly appreciate it.

jordanalice I especially want to thank you for sharing your story and giving some advice on the matter, that was an interesting point you made about binging and then remaining sober. But anyhow I am also sorry to hear you (are)? struggling with anxiety issues as well. I do try to easy my mother's pain, but she has made it for 47 years, maybe I do need to let go. I just want you to know you all are great people for taking the time out of your days to help a stranger get through life. You all are amazing people.
B
And yes, I knew there was a difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist, I always mix them up however 8) But I will continue the search for one or the other that can truly help me, I think today will be a good day, and I hope all you wonderful people have an amazing day.
 
Have you tried CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)? If done right, it can be very beneficial for people with anxiety issues. I attended a 2-month CBT group for my anxiety related problems, and during this short period of time, I learned many skills to deal with my anxiety. I'm by no means free from anxiety, but now I can handle it easier than before...

Exercise and a healthy diet is crucial for progress as well. you need to get your anxiety level as low as possible, and a healthy lifestyle is very important for this.

Of course there is now way to fix your problem until tomorrow, but you have to work hard, to make improvements in the long run. Hang in there. :)
 
Thank you bagseed. and yes I am currently doing a sort of CBT myself. And for sure, living healthy naturally decreases anxiety. thank you for the reply and I hope you are doing well with your anxiety too
 
yeah the anxiety isn't too big a problem now, but that's the point, where the depression kicks in... ;(

good luck, and maybe keep us updated. :)
 
Ya depression and anxiety go hand in hand.. I've always believed that.

And things are going okay, having trouble finding motivation to do things and obviously still having panic attacks, but I am handling them somewhat better now. Also I am prescribed 60mg fluoxetine and 7.5mg aripiprazole. I don't think these medications do much for me, but hey, Doc's orders for now. Still using opiates.
 
Hey, does your anxiety keep you at home/in one place a lot? I used to believe in the past that sticking to familiar places helped me with my anxiety, made me more comfortable with my surroundings. Last summer I started doing walking-missions and it helped me soooo much! I'd pack a bag with food/water/music/something to read and just wander around for hours. Just getting myself outside and spending time around strangers in public not having to talk to them really reduced my symptoms. Made my home situation more manageable for me.

I also took up photography and smoked way to many cigarettes while doing this. Both those things helped a lot :)
 
^How great that you came up with that strategy, jordanalice, and that it worked! Photography is a good way to engage with the world.
 
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