EX is threatening Suicide, advice please!

[Blueeyes01]

Hey everyone,

I'm relatively new here and I'm not sure this is the right place to put this but I recently just broke up with my ex of 6 months because he was just very clingy, needy and incredibly sensitive and it was just SO exhausting. I was always walking on eggshells and since I have a toddler, I wanted to nip it in the bud sooner than later. Well, he's not handling it well.
He's texting me things like "this is going to kill me, I hope you know that" "I'm nothing without you" "I suck" "I'm not complete anymore" and even sent a selfie of himself crying...

Well his mother called me today saying he's wanting to kill himself. She cussed me out blaming me for "toying with her son" then each one of his sisters called me as well giving me earfulls of just hate and completely blaming me for this. I was the one who called 911, not them - they were too busy ganging up on me. They found him and he's fine & evidently with his family right now. But I have been shaking ALL night, partly scared for my life that his family were going to come to my home. The last text sent to me from one sister was "please do us a favor and don't grace us with your existence"

What do I do?! He definitely has a drinking problem. I don't hate him, I want him to get help, but after being basically threatened by his family, quite frankly - I don't want anything to do with this anymore. I am a single mom, I don't have room for another child to comfort. I want to keep him from killing himself, but I'm starting to think I should just leave it be at this point. Any advice welcome!! Thanks for listening ?

 

[danequeed]

Been there, in your ex's shoes that is. But that was back when I was 16. I was so fucking pissed at life because I couldn't attract girls, I flailed desperation even harder at the girls that liked me, which pushed the good ones away. My best advice to him would be to take a step back and relax, you literally have your entire life ahead of you, learn to enjoy it without someone else by your side. Once you have that down you'll literally have to beat women off with a stick.

As for you, well. I can assure you that if he was going to kill himself it wouldn't be because of you. He's probably beyond anger at this point so nothing you say or do will effect the outcome. Give him and his instigating family some distance for a month and come back to it.

 

[Buspersons Holiday]

You have it in a nutshell in your last paragraph Blueeyes and you're absolutely right to leave it be and not remain in contact
Block his phone number & delete & block him from any social media connections you have
You don't owe him an explanation, but if you really feel the need to, I'd explain in one short sentence why you are ceasing contact and that you wish him well and hope he gets the help he needs, then block block block! (Obviously don't explain if you don't want to or feel it could be inflammatory)

There is nothing you can do 'to keep him from killing himself' if that is his true intention, though having been in similar situations in the past, this scenario presents as emotional blackmail designed to get your attention. He has the support of his family, who incidentally I'd block too and report if you receive further threats or feel scared for your safety now or in the future

I've offered to call an ambulance or mental health crisis team for an ex threatening suicide, but not engaged further in the conversation (& the offer was always refused)
I've called an ambulance on 2 occasions for people who said they'd actually done something that would result in their death
I don't think the first one actually had, as I kept in instant message contact with him until the ambulance arrived, but didn't tell him I'd called them until they arrived - he said he'd turned all the gas on on his cooker, unlit & was standing with a box of matches in his hand -
Got an arsey message the next day, saying he got arrested & had spent the night in the cells - not in hospital for that MASSIVE overdose you also said you'd taken then? And that was the end of me having any contact with him!

Good luck with your future without him, and please try not to feel guilty or responsible, because however genuinely shit & without hope he feels, only he is responsible for his life

 

[Blueeyes01]

Thank you for your help!

 

[aihfl]

I don't know what country you are in but the appropriate response to anyone threatening suicide is to call the police. If you are in the US, most states have laws on the books now allowing police to have people who may be a threat to themselves or others to be admitted to a psychiatric facility for observation.

As for what you should do, wash your hands of the situation. The family still wants enable him. If you continue your association with him, you could try not to enable him but then his family will still just make keeping you the bad one as they already have.

 

[zephyr]

I would say to block him from all contact as hes with family now and you have every right to break up with him if you want to.



Dont get sucked iin to the drama. Its not your fault. He has to be a big boy on his own. Who knows what hes been telling his family?


I had some guy kill himself with a crossbow in front of me because I wouldnt go out with him. Not my fault. I carry no blame at all.

 

[Blueeyes01]

Wow zephyr, that's crazy! Thank you all for the advice. It's good to know I'm making the right decision by ending all contact. He came knocking on my door today (I ignored) and left me a letter apologizing and saying how much he misses me. I already blocked his family. I've never been on such an emotional rollercoaster, this has been nuts! I'm afraid if I mention him needing to get help, he will just throw in my face ME needing help (I'm currently off Oxycodone and tapering off Suboxone) this is Day 6 with only 1mg Sub for the day ?

 

[herbavore]

Hang in there and concentrate on your taper. Congratulations on that.

Your decision was right and anyone threatening you with his own death is very manipulative. That his family is jumping on that bandwagon is even more pathetic but probably goes a long way into explaining how he got the way he is.(Sounds like mom never told him he was responsible for himself.) I feel for him but I absolutely support your decisions and handling of everything.