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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Everytime I go out, my dad thinks it's for drugs.

Georgie25

Georgie25

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 20, 2008
Messages
1,574
Location
Philly
Even though i've been clean for around 4 months. It's realllly starting to piss me off. Making me feel like going back on drugs to deal with all the bullshit he gives me all the time.

What happened tonight was I had waited all day for an ipod i won online to arrive, it finally shows up at 8p.m.. i'm sick of being broke and didn't even want the thing in the first place so i sold it to a friend of mine right after i got it. I get home and he starts grilling me about where i've been, asking if he himself could buy the ipod from me obviously he's just trying to fuck with me. So i told him it's not for sale, etc basically a bunch of lies because im sick of pussy footing around with his accusations about me "using behind his back everytime i go out the house". So he asks to see it and of course i sold it already so he starts flipping out, yelling, slamming my door threatening to kick me out etc etc. I only lied because i didn't see what the big fucking deal was in the first place it's my ipod i can sell it if i want to. I'd love to move out but am broke and just started a new job and getting back on my feet from a 2 year daily iv dope habit.

Does anyone else have similar problems with their parents or another person in your life not trusting you and keep bringing up the past, hence keeping you in the past by repeatedly bringing it up?
 
I should also mention that he is a major alcoholic who sits in the living room all day pounding back beers. Yet he's always trying to talk shit about my drug usage always down playing his own problem since it's at least "not shooting up with a fuckin needle"! So I have to sit home alone, broke, on my computer, listening to him crack open beer all day. Great role model, huh?
 
I've had similar, but less extreme, things happen...

There's more emotionally aggressive things that you can do to prove that you aren't using, but those are last resorts.

I would sit down with him and basically explain what you just explained to us. Specifically, the part about bringing up the past. Never mention his alcoholism, tho. That is a disaster waiting to happen.

If he needs concrete proof (the more aggressive things I mentioned), you can show him your bank statements, tell him to hold onto the cash for you, take a drug test right in front of him, or any combination of the above.

Of course, you should avoid those because facts aren't worth as much as trust, however ironic that is.
 
Drug test would be no problem. I wake up every day and take my 4mg of suboxone. But the cash part..not too sure if he would just spend it himself on beer and lottery tickets if i gave it to him. I feel like I've earned the chance to prove myself with having money again..I just like being independent as much as possible and having access to the money i work hard for in a fast food joint all day without being scrutinized all the time for just wanting to hang with friends. I get my first check this friday so hopefully i'll be able to prove to him i'm way more responsible sober than i was addicted to heroin. =/
 
Well, a good way to prove that the cash isn't being spent is to put whatever you don't need to have on hand in the bank and showing him the statement. Just keep showing him that statement every month until you move out if you need to.

If you were a desperate addict, how would hundreds of dollars not be flying out?

Just whatever you do don't mention his own problems (especially his alcoholism), because it will just end up with a very pissed off person who controls whether or not your have a place to live.
 
True, I probally will try the bank statement thing. Although not sure if it would be such a good idea either cause i racked up so much loans on my account when i was using im still paying em off and they just take the money straight from your accounts..idk ill think of some way to do it thanks.

And yeah once im able to put away some cash i'm gettin the fuck out of here. Family problems were one of the main reasons i even fuckin started doin drugs and criminal acts in the first place. Both my parents have been alcoholics since before i was born. Sht my dad use to be addicted to coke and meth as well so he has no room to talk IMO.
 
lol, welcome to the club.

thank god I am going to GTFO in the next 2 weeks....
tired of being a prisoner 'in my own home'

Enough's enough, really. He probably won't ever stop being suspicious, so for peace of mind, you'd be better off moving elsewhere.... when you can.... :|
 
4 Whole months eh!

That aint much time. Trust is one of the hardest things to gain back once its lost.

Give it about a year.. then things should start getting better.. Thats what it took for me.

Sean
 
Idk it just feels like it's always going to be in the back of his mind and hes never gonna move on.
 
Maybe he won't. It sucks but that is the way some people are...I think you need to try hard to get out and do things, even if it is just a walk around the block once or twice. Read a book. Anything to distract you until you get to work.

Then get the fuck out of this house as soon as possible! I know you have thought this already but start saving hard, and really being disciplined about it.

Just stick it out, turning back to the needle won't help in any way. Good luck :)
 
Thanks man, you're right. If I do end up homeless though I would probally end up on the needle again. So i'm def gonna start saving and trying to find a better option then being a prisoner here.
 
If he is so upset about your alleged drug use, why not have him go out and buy a home ua kit and piss for him to prove your not doing drugs, just like flacky said? Then he would have no right to throw these accusations around. I can (sort of...) see where he's coming from because you were an addict for 2 years and you probably did some things to cause him to lose trust in you. But , now you're taking steps to change that , including staying clean, which is great! So next time he starts accusing you of going out and getting high, tell him to go buy a fuckin UA kit and you'll piss for him, or else stfu
 
I think you should have just told your father from the get go that you had sold the ipod to a friend because you had won it for free, did not really want it, and figured that the extra money could help you out. Perhaps it was the fact that you had lied to him that set him off, not that his behavior can be excused at all, but maybe that is what was going on in his mind at the time.

I can relate to being clean for a while and having people think that you are sneaking out to use. Unfortunately, because of the damage that some of us have done when we were in our active addiction, it can take a very long time for people to realize that we have truly worked hard to make a change for the better in our lives and that we are clean. It took over a year before people started to see that I was no longer fucking up. Every package that came in the mail was confiscated from me and opened to make sure that I was not receiving things that I was not supposed to be receiving. As much as I did not appreciate the way others reacted to me and treated me I can understand where they were coming from.

As Thelung mentioned, you could go out to the store and buy a home testing kit and then give it to your father. You could then tell him that he can drug test you whenever he wants to and that you thought it might help him to feel better. As far as him drinking too much yet going off on you I can also understand where he is coming from. I take it that, when you were still using, you were "the problem" around the house. You were the one always in trouble, always fucking up and doing something wrong. Now that you have been clean, your father is still focusing on you as "the problem" and he isn't yet at a point where he can see that he might be the problem or have his own problem. This is a pretty common thing to have happen in families when the family is normally used to you having or being "the problem". It is going to take a while before that changes. It's going to take a lot more clean time and you'll probably have to endure more abuse until other people realize that you are no longer the one with the problem.

I know it sucks, but do not go out and use just because of the bullshit. That isn't going to make anything better; it'll only make things worse for you. Hang in there. You can do it! Also, you aren't alone in this. My own father goes through a bottle of wine on the nights that he does drink. He may not drink every night, but when he does it's either one glass of wine or the whole bottle. Whatever way you look at it he's still got a problem. Unfortunately I am stuck living with him, but he doesn't bother me. The only thing that bothers me is seeing him obviously drunk and fumbling around, forgetting that things that come out of the oven are hot, that kind of thing. If he was in my face like he used to be (and like your father is) things would be much more difficult for me.

Like I said, you could tell your father to get a home drug testing kit, but he'll probably just say something else to piss you off. In my experience it works much better if you go out and buy a testing kit yourself to give to your family. I bet nobody would expect that and for me it was a pretty strong gesture on my part that did help me to deal with less bullshit.
 
Thanks^^ I really wasnt a problem at all. I didnt mess with anyone and kept my use secret for 2 years until my dad found my needles, he had no clue i was even doing it! The next day I was scheduled for a sub dr visit and been clean since..
 
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