Everything i write, i will put in the one thread.

[iaj]

This thread is mostly about me putting down the things i write to get me out of my own head, any criticism would be appreciated as i have only just started doing this and atm it seems it could become a hobby.

 

[iaj]

Apparently you can have too many beers

I'm not ok
i pretend i am
Jerry Springer shit
for my mate i got hit

I stepped up took control
for him i got bashed, look like a troll
he's in the wrong never backed me up
he fucked over my other mate, girls can be such sluts

What do i do for a mate in tears
for years, what do i do, we've drank so many beers.

He's lied like a dog
covered in fleas
for him i've given my house keys

What do i do with a mate so true
when he's been so shameful
through and through

i tried and tried to sort it out
but yet, i've been left with such doubt

bashed by the bouncers definetly deserved it
should of just watched
let him just cop it.

 

[iaj]

Menial labor

I wake up on the right side of the bed
by the end of the day these Terrible thoughts run through my head

In the morning it's sunshine and smiles
By nightfall I'm smashing my head against the tiles

This anger that builds inside of meIs best not described
For the fear it will cause may make my loved ones run and hide

I wish I could just voice it out
But how people would react just fills me with doubt

My chest feels so sore and tight
This anger fills my core with such might

But I take a deep breath and carry on
Pretending to be fine with the whistle of song.

 

[iaj]

My breakdown

It's all a mess
It's all a blur
This emptiness
Seems to have no cure
I have a moment of clarity, as wise as an old oak tree
I realize I need to get out, but I won't let me
Inside my head is where I stay
For inside my brain, is the bed I lay
Sometimes I see a flicker at the end of a tunnel
But in a matter of an instance
The candle smokes out like a burnt out stick of incense
Is it puerile to need some help dealing with these emotions
Or should I just keep it to myself and enjoy these prescribed potions
A quick fix is never the way
But it sure does help to get through the day
This morning I was on top of the world, that flicker seemed so near
It put a smile on my face and filled me with cheer
It felt good to have a sincere smile on my face
Instead of the one I fake to get people off my case
How naive of me to expect it to last
Especially from my experiances in the past
Although this all seems like doom and gloom
I do have hope that these feelings will one day subside
For at heart I am not one to run and hide
I will forever try and fight these feelings
Forever on the path of healing
For I don't want to waste my life in my head
Getting worked up with what may or may not of been done or said

For a life in your head can be a dangerous thing
Being seperated from "the real world" desensitized to the repercussions of your own death

It effects more then you if you choose to take your own life
But who are they to tell you what to do
When they don't even realize what's really going on inside of you

I'm only a young man, with plenty of years to come
I just hope I can work this out before my best years are done

I've been doing better each day lately and I hope I can keep progressing

I can only hope.

 

[iaj]

Keep your emotions close

What has been seen
cannot be undone

should i have showed you
put this pressure on one

it's not your responsibility
to look after a man

when you've got your own problems
to deal with the best you can

i don't expect you to help me out
although if it where you i'd do so without doubt

what has been seen
can not be undone
although at times it is best for some.

 

[iaj]

Inappropriate for a christening book?

Dear Blank
I bet you're glad you where born a catholic and got baptized
not a jew who got circumcised

sincerely iaj

 

[iaj]

Run and hide.


Thought process analytical
Always overly critical
It's hard not to be cynical
Crippling anxiety is the pinnacle
Of all my problems, so typical
Of me to run just as things feel right.

 

[iaj]

Tv is my friend

So lonely
Go out, socialize
It's all an act
I'm a phony

Just like a scene from some c grade movie
I pretend
You think you know me

It's not the way I want to be
I wish I could be myself
Stop being so fake
Why is it i even worry
I won't measure up to shape

So as it always ends
I'm alone
I sit here
Kick myself
As I am in charge of my own fate.

 

[iaj]

walking zombie

Hard to cope, nightmares
Middle of the night, sweaty, scared
During the day, walking dead
What's going on, in my head
Tired, restless, close to tears
I wish I had someone to discuss these fears
To forget, drugs, sex and alcohol
On my body, they take there toll
12 hour shifts fulfill my day
Will it be worth it when an early grave I will lay
I guess time will tell what the future will hold for me
It may sound cliche but in time, I will see.