Ethical sluttery and relationship anarchy!!!
The term is a buzzword these days, and all too often people are forgetting the "...amory" token altogether. Relationship anarchy is something I can get behind.
Polyamory is loving multiple people simultaneously. Seriously now, who the fuck cant do that?
Monogamy is offensive to me, and I see it in the same way many of you see homophobia or racism. It is a tool crafted by the patriarchy, religious institutions, and other oppressive frameworks, for the sole purpose of controlling, and ultimately quieting feminine sexual energy and expression. Unlike homophobia and racism, mass media hasnt yet normalized alternatives to this bizzare biological arrangement, so most people still believe the disney story as reality. My attitude is simply a reflection of the world's inquisition into those of us whom dont limit our capacity for love.
Given the mega millions of species of life on Earth, it is extremely rare for any species to exhibit monogamous behavior. Its completely unnatural, and can only exist in a culture of violence and repression. It is one of the social tools used by oppressive forces such as statists and corporatists to control the fundamentals of human behavior.
I could rant for days. Polyamory isnt the alternative, monogamy is. Loving multiple people isnt an "alternative" lifestyle. I dont think Im going out on a limb for saying youre completely delusional if you limit your capacity for love to one single human being.
Im not talking about swinging, and Im not talking about general non monogamy, and Im not talking about uncommitted hookups (all of which are fine and quite dandy, by the way). Im talking about Polyamory. Loving more than one.
My partner and I have been in an open relationship for 7 years. Its insanely beautiful, enough to make you cry the good kind of tears. We have extremely close bonds with many other couples, triads, other otherwise groups of lovers who also can experience this degree of ecstasy and love. I wouldnt pin any of our faults, arguments, or intensely painful problems on our polyamorous lifestyle. I would state that any human beings engaging in long term, committed relationships, will absolutely face problems, challenges, and intensely uncomfortable situations. The relationship itself is the product of navigating such choppy waters. Choosing to abandon relationships when things get tough prevents a person from growing (Im looking at you, serial monogamists!). What better assets to have when dealing with serious issues than those whom you love, and whom love you?
Our relationship is fucking awesome. I dont know how else to describe it. Its not based around sex or hedonism at all (though that shit is cool), and rarely do we have relationships with others that are purely based on sex. Occasionally we might hit up a big orgy and have some nice momentary connections with others, together, separate, whatever, but most of the time we tend to date other people long term. We both like to experience a true meeting of the minds. We love each others' lovers, and we absolutely love talking about our relationships with each other. I cherish the joy she feels when a man excites her, and Im so happy for her to experience these differing dimensions of chemistry with other men. It helps her achieve a more complete state of psychology, helps her grow into a more complete person, and makes her a happier person for me to be with. She unleashes her love to me in such a beautiful and intense way, no words could ever describe it. Its all because it has no hinges, no restraints, no borders, no rules, no walls, she is free to love however her heart decides to. This does not mean our relationship has no rules or bounds, such things we discuss on a daily basis. But I dont believe our relationship would be nearly as deep, powerful, or such fantasy without the freedom to do whatever our hearts want to do.
Think of how strong any society, any network of individuals, would be if everyone had a meaningful bond of intimacy. Sexually liberated peoples are difficult to control. Sexually networked groups of people are even harder to control. True rebellion in the Western capitalist world, comes through relationship anarchy. Choosing to be the person you are inside, and loving the world without any limits, is a surefire way to eliminate any advertising firm's ability to algorithmically determine your wants and desires. The dismantling of the global war machine, the global oppression of women, and the ecological destruction caused by our present society all will derive from a new society of people abandoning the unsuccessful relationship patterns of our ancestors.
While some label me a radical, I accuse monogamy of being the radical idea. I dont believe our species can survive another two centuries if this path is continued.
A pretty radical idea to get behind is that jealousy doesnt exist! Its a cover word used to stop the mind from digging deeper into what may be a whole swath of insecurities, fears, and doubts. Its a symptom, not a disease. When one feels jealous, one is feeling insecurity of some degree. Potential loss of love, loss of social status, loss of access, loss of a continuation of a perfect moment. We tend to just focus on the fact that we feel "jealous" and assume its a righteous enough motive to control someone else's behavior. We often are led to believe we have the right to control another human's capacity for love, and self expression, if we feel it threatens our ego. If one arduously tries to sort through the feelings and thoughts surrounding jealousy, one can arrive at the right questions to bring to a lover to alleviate the negs. Its far easier to work through such complex social issues with a network of lovers, each with their own unique perspective, history, and anecdotal evidence to supplement the character building act of introspection. We can quickly realize that jealousy is the tip of the iceberg, the beast underneath the still waters is what needs to be addressed. If you fear loss of love from your partner, and your partner reassures you no love is lost for you, then what have you got to lose?
You say people cant be polyamorous due to jealousy. I say average-minded people exist everywhere, and few people on Earth are truly committed to personal development. Monogamy is for sheep. It is the lifestyle bastion for those whom need to be told how to live, and how to love.
Absolutely. Anyone defying the framework of monogamy will come under some heat at some point. Ive had very close friends, whom I once considered quite open minded, walk away from our friendship simply because they couldnt comprehend noncomformity in relationships. Many of my lovers complain of men whom first hit on them with a few sweet notes, and upon discovering their open marriage, degrade and attempt to humiliate them for not behaving like someone's property. Many people will attack non-monogamy because it threatens their whole comprehension of reality, their framework for social relation that was taught to them by various authoritative institutions. Its like telling pious Catholics that God doesnt exist, or maybe informing small children that santa claus is a corporate ploy.
All human bodies were born to mingle with other human bodies, specifically multiple others. Optimal health, aside from dutiful monastic life, can not be achieved without coupling with differing partners. It is a matter of evolutionary adaptation, as well as spiritual connection. To deny this need is like limiting one's self to only a single variety of fruit; the body can not possibly be nourished in the long term.
Like I said, poly is a buzzword. Theres nothing wrong with simply identifying with non monogamy. You would be truly poly if you can allow yourself to be in love with more than one person simultaneously.
This is offensive. You cant say that because you did not have success in something, that it "doesnt work." In practice they are great, in theory they are great. Did you belong to any support groups? Were you part of any non monogamy activist meetups? Do you have anything resembling a polyamory drinks cocktail hour in your area (if not, start one...)? What did you do to try and gain support from your network to maintain its structure?
Someone winding up getting hurt sounds like all human relationships in the course of the history of existence. Again, working through these issues are what relationships are made of. Getting jealous sounds like "getting insecure and not wanting to work through it."
People often break rules and promises they make with friends. This is why such concepts as forgiveness, compassion, mercy, empathy, and compromise exist. Monogamy and polyamory are mutually exclusive from the concept of breaking trust between persons. Monogamy is absolutely no possible way to secure one's self from jealousy, cheating, lying, or breaking any rules.
The closing statement in that quote says absolutely nothing at all. You could replace the world "Polyamory" with any other cultural identifier in the universe, and it would sound just as empty and bigoted. Also, Polyamory, again, is about loving multiple people simultaneously. No one said anything about "sheer hedonism" (which, again, is more than ok, actually its fucking cool), and to assume there is no point to relations beyond "social order and procreation" is not only wilfully ignorant, but completely denies the mystical majesty of being a conscious, electric being. It sounds like some clinical nazi "scientifically" deducing that the soul does not exist. How can anyone possibly state that to engage in relationships outside the bounds of monogamy (a practice that has only existed a few thousand years), that one is "bound to create nothing but misery" ?! Thats the dumbest fucking logic Ive ever heard! What the fuck is an "iron law of human nature" ?! Can you step back and for a moment realize you sound like some televangelist jackass on late night TV?
+1
You probably have a limited perspective on relationship arrangement possibilities because your idea of love and relationships itself is very limited by what mainstream society has offered you. You do have an idea why, and that idea was planted in your mind by the operating system of mass produced culture.
Monogamy is a limited, inferior state to exist in. Anyone who can love many people is superior to someone whom forcibly limits their love to only one person.
Depends on what you mean by partner, I dont fall in love with everyone I have sex with, and I dont have sex with everyone I fall in love with. I do truly love many people, many that I am deeply physically intimate with, and yes I favor some over others and yes this is openly discussed.
This only "breeds" jealousy if some people involved are immature and unwilling to work through relationship struggles, and only if the network is so weak that no one wants to help out. Weak minded people tend to flock to each other so, Id again say that monogamy breeds as much jealousy as anything else.
This concept of an "apocryphal one" only exists in your mind through mass media delusions. I have met my life partner. If she wasnt polyamorous, she would be too limited of a person for me, and we wouldnt have fallen so deeply in love. If someone needs you to change your fundamental character in order to be with them, they arent the one for you.
Ill try not to puke at that use of the word "normal," but who the fuck wouldnt go to the movies, take a vacation, or fuck, spend the fucking night, with their lover(s)??? If you arent capable of committing on such a simple level, youre probably not in love. FFS yes, when we "date" people, we "date" people. We negotiate sleepovers to optimize sleeping arrangements, and vacations that turn into moresomes are the shit. Im seriously trying to ponder how you could have a relationship with someone and not do so called "normal" activities with them...
We are free to engage how we see fit. Again, this is all about not limiting your capacity to connect to the human race. Sometimes she leaves a party early and I might hook up with someone after finding myself solo. Sometimes someone hits on her in the line at the post office. Actually, usually anytime I go take a piss, she is getting hit on when I come back! If shes interested, she'll tell me, and ask me how I feel about it. If I find someone, I always call or text her to tell her I want to sleep with someone else that night, and ask her how she feels about it. We let each other know of our intentions, even if those intentions are spontaneous and sudden. COMMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING. We tell each other everything, and always ask if the other is in a decent headspace to accept that were gonna fuck somebody.
Keeping anything a secret from someone you love might count as "breaking a bond."
Ill repeat, COMMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING.
The term is a buzzword these days, and all too often people are forgetting the "...amory" token altogether. Relationship anarchy is something I can get behind.
Polyamory is loving multiple people simultaneously. Seriously now, who the fuck cant do that?
Monogamy is offensive to me, and I see it in the same way many of you see homophobia or racism. It is a tool crafted by the patriarchy, religious institutions, and other oppressive frameworks, for the sole purpose of controlling, and ultimately quieting feminine sexual energy and expression. Unlike homophobia and racism, mass media hasnt yet normalized alternatives to this bizzare biological arrangement, so most people still believe the disney story as reality. My attitude is simply a reflection of the world's inquisition into those of us whom dont limit our capacity for love.
Given the mega millions of species of life on Earth, it is extremely rare for any species to exhibit monogamous behavior. Its completely unnatural, and can only exist in a culture of violence and repression. It is one of the social tools used by oppressive forces such as statists and corporatists to control the fundamentals of human behavior.
I could rant for days. Polyamory isnt the alternative, monogamy is. Loving multiple people isnt an "alternative" lifestyle. I dont think Im going out on a limb for saying youre completely delusional if you limit your capacity for love to one single human being.
Im not talking about swinging, and Im not talking about general non monogamy, and Im not talking about uncommitted hookups (all of which are fine and quite dandy, by the way). Im talking about Polyamory. Loving more than one.
My partner and I have been in an open relationship for 7 years. Its insanely beautiful, enough to make you cry the good kind of tears. We have extremely close bonds with many other couples, triads, other otherwise groups of lovers who also can experience this degree of ecstasy and love. I wouldnt pin any of our faults, arguments, or intensely painful problems on our polyamorous lifestyle. I would state that any human beings engaging in long term, committed relationships, will absolutely face problems, challenges, and intensely uncomfortable situations. The relationship itself is the product of navigating such choppy waters. Choosing to abandon relationships when things get tough prevents a person from growing (Im looking at you, serial monogamists!). What better assets to have when dealing with serious issues than those whom you love, and whom love you?
Our relationship is fucking awesome. I dont know how else to describe it. Its not based around sex or hedonism at all (though that shit is cool), and rarely do we have relationships with others that are purely based on sex. Occasionally we might hit up a big orgy and have some nice momentary connections with others, together, separate, whatever, but most of the time we tend to date other people long term. We both like to experience a true meeting of the minds. We love each others' lovers, and we absolutely love talking about our relationships with each other. I cherish the joy she feels when a man excites her, and Im so happy for her to experience these differing dimensions of chemistry with other men. It helps her achieve a more complete state of psychology, helps her grow into a more complete person, and makes her a happier person for me to be with. She unleashes her love to me in such a beautiful and intense way, no words could ever describe it. Its all because it has no hinges, no restraints, no borders, no rules, no walls, she is free to love however her heart decides to. This does not mean our relationship has no rules or bounds, such things we discuss on a daily basis. But I dont believe our relationship would be nearly as deep, powerful, or such fantasy without the freedom to do whatever our hearts want to do.
Think of how strong any society, any network of individuals, would be if everyone had a meaningful bond of intimacy. Sexually liberated peoples are difficult to control. Sexually networked groups of people are even harder to control. True rebellion in the Western capitalist world, comes through relationship anarchy. Choosing to be the person you are inside, and loving the world without any limits, is a surefire way to eliminate any advertising firm's ability to algorithmically determine your wants and desires. The dismantling of the global war machine, the global oppression of women, and the ecological destruction caused by our present society all will derive from a new society of people abandoning the unsuccessful relationship patterns of our ancestors.
While some label me a radical, I accuse monogamy of being the radical idea. I dont believe our species can survive another two centuries if this path is continued.
A pretty radical idea to get behind is that jealousy doesnt exist! Its a cover word used to stop the mind from digging deeper into what may be a whole swath of insecurities, fears, and doubts. Its a symptom, not a disease. When one feels jealous, one is feeling insecurity of some degree. Potential loss of love, loss of social status, loss of access, loss of a continuation of a perfect moment. We tend to just focus on the fact that we feel "jealous" and assume its a righteous enough motive to control someone else's behavior. We often are led to believe we have the right to control another human's capacity for love, and self expression, if we feel it threatens our ego. If one arduously tries to sort through the feelings and thoughts surrounding jealousy, one can arrive at the right questions to bring to a lover to alleviate the negs. Its far easier to work through such complex social issues with a network of lovers, each with their own unique perspective, history, and anecdotal evidence to supplement the character building act of introspection. We can quickly realize that jealousy is the tip of the iceberg, the beast underneath the still waters is what needs to be addressed. If you fear loss of love from your partner, and your partner reassures you no love is lost for you, then what have you got to lose?
You say people cant be polyamorous due to jealousy. I say average-minded people exist everywhere, and few people on Earth are truly committed to personal development. Monogamy is for sheep. It is the lifestyle bastion for those whom need to be told how to live, and how to love.
Absolutely. Anyone defying the framework of monogamy will come under some heat at some point. Ive had very close friends, whom I once considered quite open minded, walk away from our friendship simply because they couldnt comprehend noncomformity in relationships. Many of my lovers complain of men whom first hit on them with a few sweet notes, and upon discovering their open marriage, degrade and attempt to humiliate them for not behaving like someone's property. Many people will attack non-monogamy because it threatens their whole comprehension of reality, their framework for social relation that was taught to them by various authoritative institutions. Its like telling pious Catholics that God doesnt exist, or maybe informing small children that santa claus is a corporate ploy.
All human bodies were born to mingle with other human bodies, specifically multiple others. Optimal health, aside from dutiful monastic life, can not be achieved without coupling with differing partners. It is a matter of evolutionary adaptation, as well as spiritual connection. To deny this need is like limiting one's self to only a single variety of fruit; the body can not possibly be nourished in the long term.
Like I said, poly is a buzzword. Theres nothing wrong with simply identifying with non monogamy. You would be truly poly if you can allow yourself to be in love with more than one person simultaneously.
This is offensive. You cant say that because you did not have success in something, that it "doesnt work." In practice they are great, in theory they are great. Did you belong to any support groups? Were you part of any non monogamy activist meetups? Do you have anything resembling a polyamory drinks cocktail hour in your area (if not, start one...)? What did you do to try and gain support from your network to maintain its structure?
Someone winding up getting hurt sounds like all human relationships in the course of the history of existence. Again, working through these issues are what relationships are made of. Getting jealous sounds like "getting insecure and not wanting to work through it."
People often break rules and promises they make with friends. This is why such concepts as forgiveness, compassion, mercy, empathy, and compromise exist. Monogamy and polyamory are mutually exclusive from the concept of breaking trust between persons. Monogamy is absolutely no possible way to secure one's self from jealousy, cheating, lying, or breaking any rules.
The closing statement in that quote says absolutely nothing at all. You could replace the world "Polyamory" with any other cultural identifier in the universe, and it would sound just as empty and bigoted. Also, Polyamory, again, is about loving multiple people simultaneously. No one said anything about "sheer hedonism" (which, again, is more than ok, actually its fucking cool), and to assume there is no point to relations beyond "social order and procreation" is not only wilfully ignorant, but completely denies the mystical majesty of being a conscious, electric being. It sounds like some clinical nazi "scientifically" deducing that the soul does not exist. How can anyone possibly state that to engage in relationships outside the bounds of monogamy (a practice that has only existed a few thousand years), that one is "bound to create nothing but misery" ?! Thats the dumbest fucking logic Ive ever heard! What the fuck is an "iron law of human nature" ?! Can you step back and for a moment realize you sound like some televangelist jackass on late night TV?
+1
You probably have a limited perspective on relationship arrangement possibilities because your idea of love and relationships itself is very limited by what mainstream society has offered you. You do have an idea why, and that idea was planted in your mind by the operating system of mass produced culture.
Monogamy is a limited, inferior state to exist in. Anyone who can love many people is superior to someone whom forcibly limits their love to only one person.
Depends on what you mean by partner, I dont fall in love with everyone I have sex with, and I dont have sex with everyone I fall in love with. I do truly love many people, many that I am deeply physically intimate with, and yes I favor some over others and yes this is openly discussed.
This only "breeds" jealousy if some people involved are immature and unwilling to work through relationship struggles, and only if the network is so weak that no one wants to help out. Weak minded people tend to flock to each other so, Id again say that monogamy breeds as much jealousy as anything else.
This concept of an "apocryphal one" only exists in your mind through mass media delusions. I have met my life partner. If she wasnt polyamorous, she would be too limited of a person for me, and we wouldnt have fallen so deeply in love. If someone needs you to change your fundamental character in order to be with them, they arent the one for you.
Ill try not to puke at that use of the word "normal," but who the fuck wouldnt go to the movies, take a vacation, or fuck, spend the fucking night, with their lover(s)??? If you arent capable of committing on such a simple level, youre probably not in love. FFS yes, when we "date" people, we "date" people. We negotiate sleepovers to optimize sleeping arrangements, and vacations that turn into moresomes are the shit. Im seriously trying to ponder how you could have a relationship with someone and not do so called "normal" activities with them...
We are free to engage how we see fit. Again, this is all about not limiting your capacity to connect to the human race. Sometimes she leaves a party early and I might hook up with someone after finding myself solo. Sometimes someone hits on her in the line at the post office. Actually, usually anytime I go take a piss, she is getting hit on when I come back! If shes interested, she'll tell me, and ask me how I feel about it. If I find someone, I always call or text her to tell her I want to sleep with someone else that night, and ask her how she feels about it. We let each other know of our intentions, even if those intentions are spontaneous and sudden. COMMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING. We tell each other everything, and always ask if the other is in a decent headspace to accept that were gonna fuck somebody.
Keeping anything a secret from someone you love might count as "breaking a bond."
Ill repeat, COMMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING.
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