Mental Health Emotional ups and downs, changes in motivation and sleep patterns

[youknowwho222]

Hello,
Some background to aid in understanding my situation:
I am a 24 year old male on a few Rx meds (which I do not abuse) and a chronic ketamine user. I also frequently use phenibut and occasionally alcohol. I've dabbled in many drugs in the past but these are my typical "go to" compounds.
I have been perscribed 30mg adderall xr for ADD for many years. I take this once daily. For about the past 3.5 years I have used ketamine recreationally. For about the last year I use it pretty much weekly, sometimes days on end, ussually ranging from a quarter oz to a half oz a week (primarily snorted). For the past 6 months or so I have been perscribed 1mg klonopin for anxiety. I have always been anxious, but recent life changing events (promotion at work with more stress and responsibility/death of my father) has caused my anxiety to become much worse. I also take hydroxyzine 25-50mg (visteril) on a semi regular basis to help sleep, as I am a bit of an insomniac. Within the past few months I have discovered phenibut, which helps tremendously with my anxiety, level of happiness and social comfort. I find it a bit nootropic as well. I tend to take around 1 to 2 grams 2 to three days a week. Sometimes i take it two or more days in a row then stop for about a week or so. I occasional get a hangover from it, but not too often. I also don't find it sedating whatsoever but rather a bit stimulating.
I otherwise live a fairly healthy lifestyle. My diet is mostly well balanced and I am an amateur bodybuilder/fitness enthusiast and in very good shape. Bigggest health downfall (besides ketamine abuse) is my irregular sleep patterns.
So here's the main issue. I am depressed frequently and have some mild mania once in a while (most likely drug induced) and I have experienced a big drop in overall motivation outside of work. (less motivaed to be social, stay in touch with friends and loved ones, stay ontop of tasks, keeping my living space clean and keeping the drive alive at the gym) I also just feel generally less in touch with my goals and priorities. I am not in interest of typicall antidepressant medications like SSRI's. I also don't have much of an interest in dropping any of my recreational drugs. I would like to drop klonopin, but that is easier said than done. If anyone has any experience with a similar drug combo and feeling the same (or feeling different on a similar combo) or any ideas/tips to feel normal again; it would be much apprciated. Sorry for the rant I just wanted there to be as much clarity as possible.

 

[silverwheel]

I also don't have much of an interest in dropping any of my recreational drugs.

I feel for what you're going through, but with this mindset in place, you're never going to get better. First of all, you'll never know how much the ketamine is responsible for what you're going through. It could be that the heavy K usage is entirely responsible, it could be that the K is exacerbating/worsening underlying issues, probably a mixture of both. You'll never know how to properly treat it with all that K in the picture. And the amount you use is enough to basically negate everything else that's positive with your lifestyle. I know you don't want to, but you have to get off the ketamine for the sake of your health. The path you're on isn't sustainable, and you'll be stuck in this spot physically and psychologically as long as you're using it. My best advice is to get yourself clean from it and find a good psychiatrist to get a solid assessment/diagnosis. At least then you'll have an accurate picture of what you're dealing with and have some ideas on how to treat it.

 

[youknowwho222]

Silverwheel, I know this is, unfortunately for me, true. I have no legit excuses as for why I should continue besides the fact that i love the substance. I will certainly admit I have a psychological dependence. I know it is a possible feat, but I'm not ready for more change right now. I know it sounds lame as change is the only constant... However, the truth is I'm a bit scared...
Also I have a decent psychiatrist but I hear when you admit to drug abuse it can have an impact on your health insurece. If not right away then down the road.

 

[silverwheel]

I hear when you admit to drug abuse it can have an impact on your health insurece. If not right away then down the road.

That's not exactly true. Not every policy has coverage for substance abuse treatment (though most do) but that only applies if you go to rehab. You won't be penalized for simply disclosing that to your doctor. Good to hear that you have a decent doctor already - go ahead and tell them, you'll be less afraid after getting it out in the open.

 

[youknowwho222]

True. I fear though that if I expose the truth to my psychiatrist, she may remove my current Rx drugs since they are considered contolled substances and at risk for abuse. Like I stated, I dont abuse these. However If I lost them suddenly I will become sick. If I had to discontinue use, it would have to be a slow ween off method. I've tried doing myself, and even then its hard to do.