Emotional Changes from binging on Crystal Meth?

[ThatSpaceyKid]

Emotional Changes from Meth Binging?
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I have experienced emotional changes when I was really addicted to using Heroin so the same is expected from Crystal Meth. I have been using Crystal Meth off and on for a while now. The last 9 Months I fell in love with the quality of the Meth here. It started off as just every now and then and minimal.. In a couple weeks I NEEDED it and still need it... I will have to say I am addicted, but that is not the topic... Here are the changes observed. I have Bipolar Disorder though with Severe Depression so I am wondering if it is due to Meth use or mental illness.

• I have started to feel less motivated.
• I have started to have extreme depressive breakdowns.
• I am extremely irritable.
• I am much more angry then usual.
• I feel on top of the world and above others.
• I don't feel remorse, guilt, or regrets.
• I have cried most days for no known reason.
• I have felt extremely hopeless and depressed.
• I have felt suicidal.
• I have stopped caring about my daily tasks.
• I have an extremely negative outlook on life.
• I have no self respect and don't hold back anything.
• I have constant urges to do drugs.
• I feel incomplete unless I am not sober.
• I feel emotionally numb at times or emotionally overwhelmed others.
• I don't feel a sense of attachment to anything.
• I don't care about others or myself.
• I don't feel pleasure from anything anymore.
• I have a low self esteem.
• I am extremely anxious.

The physical signs are nothing compared to the emotional changes that I am going through through... Any input?

 

[tricomb]

Methamphetamine certainly would be DEVASTATING to someone with bipolar disorder with severe depression. Quit immediately, it's absolutely insane to use crystal w/ bipolar, and it's absolutely devastating to your depression, making it worse and recovery takes longer.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

What you are describing is because of the meth. Can you stop using it?

I have a friend that is extremely depressed, and anxious at times, and he is addicted to meth, realizes it does not help, and uses it only once or a few times a month, and a lot of this person's mental and physical issues are because of the meth. Stay safe.

 

[snazzy_sn]

Methamphetamine certainly would be DEVASTATING to someone with bipolar disorder with severe depression. Quit immediately, it's absolutely insane to use crystal w/ bipolar, and it's absolutely devastating to your depression, making it worse and recovery takes longer.

I got diagnosed with having bi polar last year but whatever whatever, I'm special.

Seriously though, Meth is a super high powered drug that changes the way your intellect and and perception work.
Hardcore right?

When I started I experienced serious depression and a sense of hollowness.
If you absolutely can't ride it out, go out find a female, a xanax, or a bunch of weed.

They all work.

 

[Mad Dash]

And you are prolly so young too... Dude, please stop while you have your life. If you can't go to rehab. And don't be embarrassed about it. I self enrolled when I hit the bottom you hit when all you have left is your life and even that feels like a burden. Get help man. It was the best decision I ever made.

 

[llamer]

drug abuse will put you in a bad way no matter what, and meth is no exception. it exploits all of your natural behaviors, both good and bad, for your own personal ongoing psychological self-fucking up and it doesn't leave you in any better shape than when it found you.

i know quitting is hard, but so is life, and doing any drug won't make life any easier than it should be. Good luck.

When I started I experienced serious depression and a sense of hollowness.
If you absolutely can't ride it out, go out find a female, a xanax, or a bunch of weed.

They all work.

 

[sekio]

Od --> tds

 

[silverwheel]

Most of the symptoms you mention are common to Bipolar and severe depression, though the meth usage is certainly intensifying it quite a bit. When were you diagnosed? I don't believe that a drug ever causes someone to develop a mental illness, but the wrong drug can intensify the symptoms and cause the dam to burst, so to speak. I'm going to echo what tricomb already said - meth is definitely the wrong drug given your symptoms, and can make your recovery quite a bit more difficult. I would try to find a doctor that's good with dual diagnoses - they will have a good understanding of how mental illness and addiction interact with each other, and I think you would have better success by having one doctor who knows a lot about both, rather than having a couple doctors treat each issue separately.

 

[Vaya]

It is going to take several weeks of unblemished abstinence from amphetamines and, ideally, all drugs for you to reassume your place at your natural baseline.

While your emotional baseline is going to be inherently different from anyone else's given your unique individuality and the bipolar diagnosis, it's so crucial that you attempt to re achieve it. Once you have, making the distinction between the effects of the meth and those of your natural predispositions will be possible. I think that it's quite important to realize for yourself the fact that until you are meth-free, doing so will be impossible! Drugs complicate everything about our would-be normal experiences; our thoughts, our feelings, our reactions - everything. It is why forums like The Dark Side need to exist within Bluelight's larger framework... and I think I can speak for most anyone reading this thread when I say that I'm proud of you for taking this step in which you zoom out of the everyday in order to examine the bigger picture. It takes a great deal of willingness to be self-aware in order to be able to see the taproot of our troubles. Furthermore, it requires openness to be capable of receiving and acting upon positive suggestions from others.

And so, in my mind, you may well be on your way to discovering a solution.

~ vaya

 

[ThatSpaceyKid]

Tears and Dismay

I know of which you all speak. First off I have been horribly depressed my whole life :'(, but... The meth does in fact make it last longer. Also when I am Manic and on Meth... I'm a danger to myself and others. I'm so lost though. I have zero support. My support will only deal with me on their time... I no longer sleep and barely eat :'(. It is months later.... And it DID get worse. Now my friends are all gone because of Meth. Doctors and counselors don't even try because they think it's just drugs. I guess... Meth use mimics a Mixed Episode so well... That you can't distinguish otherwise. It just hurts though guys </3. I got help around 1-2 years ago, started counselors, started psychiatric help, and even went through Detox... It has made everything worse though because everyone is so hard in me and tells me I can't use Bipolar Disorder to cover up the sad fact that I'm a drug addict. I need help :'(. I need... A friend... Someone who I can cry with when I do each day. Someone who will make me smile or drive themselves to sadness trying. Someone who will spend any night with me. Someone who will hit me up at ANY time. Someone to cry with me because of Relapse. Or to comfort me to prevent it. :'(. Someone who doesn't mind psychosis. I have Bipolar 1 with Psychosis... Winter- Depression from September until January. In this time I end up on drugs because of complete misery. Spring/Summer- Mania drives me. From February until August... I end up in a world of pain, legal issues, and worst... My family... My wonderful family that I'd give the world for... Who I hurt and think about EVERY TIME I do something... They've been hurt so much too. But now I'm doing it :'(. We're about to break... I don't want that. My brother and sister hate me. Gang up on me. Talk down to me. Bring up the drugs. Threaten with physical violence and avoid me... Even though I drop what I am doing if they need me :'(. My mother and father... Best parents ever... Just a bit to tough... But they were raised with the military so of course... But my dad calls the cops on me now, talks down to me, emotionally and mentally devastates me, but worse takes his frustration on me... My mom don't even talk to me and won't do anything now... Before... They were the ones I called on :'( for anything... But now... No friends. No family. No good treatment... I am trying still... But it's wasted effort. To make it worse... My counselors threatened me with a mental ward so did my dad... Sorry that all these are long and deep... It's just if I at least talk about it all somewhere... It feels better... Bc opinions from other sources. Other walks of life... Just make it better.... Blank terms... I'm the kid who had it all but lost it all at Once. Can someone please help me... I don't want to be put away... I don't want to do drugs... I don't want mental treatment... I don't want to lose my family :'(... Sadly guys :'( </3. I still do meth and weed ... I quit everything else.. I only do them when I'm feeling so down and no one can help which is 7-10 whole days and nights out of the month. bc it just masks the pain and makes the suffering stand still for a moment... With an open mind, a broken heart, the mindset of a psychopath, and a sad lonely heart only a broken little boy has I will continue to fight... I haven't lost yet :'(... I DO want a happy life... But... It is VERY hard to do so... When you know you will start over every year with everything you could want... And by the end of the year you know... It will ALL be gone... And get worse... If you are a surviving Meth for a period longer than 3 years like me :'(... I will be thinking about you :,(. Because... I KNOW. Meth... It devastates. Takes everything... And I mean that EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. Be strong and please... Don't kill yourself. Believe me... I want to so bad ... But I have to much love deep down to do so and don't want to put that pain on anyone else that I'm feeling...

 

[RoxieRoad]

I'm a drug addict. I need help :'(. I need... A friend... Someone who I can cry with when I do each day. Someone who will make me smile or drive themselves to sadness trying. Someone who will spend any night with me. Someone who will hit me up at ANY time. Someone to cry with me because of Relapse. Or to comfort me to prevent it. :'(. Someone who doesn't mind psychosis. I have Bipolar 1 with Psychosis... Winter- Depression from September until January. In this time I end up on drugs because of complete misery. Spring/Summer- Mania drives me. ..

Hey man I'm really sorry to read what you are going through.. I'm sure it isn't easy dealing with the issues outside of drugs, and we all do drugs habitually to mask something in our lives. But I quoted what I wanted to point out. When you list what you need from others... read what I have highlighted. That is a lot to ask. Most people even with a solid support group don't have that. People in general don't want to be overwhelmed with negativity. That's why positive people always brighten a room and have tons of people around them. The opposite is true for people who are negative, people flee from them. Now I'm not saying you are negative person, but I am pointing this out so that you can take a look at what you are asking from the people around you. That's a lot to ask. A burden that most people cant carry for long. Get yourself some help brother and free yourself from the chains of drugs. It is imperative for you considering your mental condition. Your family loves you, but they can only emotionally take so much. You have to make a choice for yourself, your future, and anyone you care about. Everyday you make choices, and the aggregate of all the small choices is what shapes who you are tomorrow. Start today my friend

 

[ThatSpaceyKid]

Hey man I'm really sorry to read what you are going through.. I'm sure it isn't easy dealing with the issues outside of drugs, and we all do drugs habitually to mask something in our lives. But I quoted what I wanted to point out. When you list what you need from others... read what I have highlighted. That is a lot to ask. Most people even with a solid support group don't have that. People in general don't want to be overwhelmed with negativity. That's why positive people always brighten a room and have tons of people around them. The opposite is true for people who are negative, people flee from them. Now I'm not saying you are negative person, but I am pointing this out so that you can take a look at what you are asking from the people around you. That's a lot to ask. A burden that most people cant carry for long. Get yourself some help brother and free yourself from the chains of drugs. It is imperative for you considering your mental condition. Your family loves you, but they can only emotionally take so much. You have to make a choice for yourself, your future, and anyone you care about. Everyday you make choices, and the aggregate of all the small choices is what shapes who you are tomorrow. Start today my friend

I agree it is a lot to ask... But I guess what I'm asking for is a companion or someone who loves me unconditionally... Maybe I need a girlfriend perhaps who has Bipolar, who did and got over drugs, and just someone who knows what it's like to hurt so bad all the time... Because with that... Damn sure I'd be more than willing to do the same and more for that one person. :'(. Kind of want someone who will cry with me. And I admit. I am negative as hell, but.... With every negative thing said.... I unwind it all and point out something wise and the reason for the negativity. I have learned to turn it into humor. I used to be surrounded by people all the time... It's because of that humor... But also out of pity sadly... I want empathy man... Not pity anymore :'(. Is that a lot to ask....

 

[Sprout]

Binging on stimulants with bi-polar is...
It's fucking impossible to write about, I know first hand just how fucking good it feels and I will never be able to explain it. The euphoria of stimulants mixed with the invincibility of Mania is the most beautiful and soul-destroying experience possible.
Funny how we're much more likely to be addicts, isn't it?

There is no better advice than just leaving the gear alone. All stimulants tend do is accentuate the cycles that tend to slightly destroy our lives.
I wish I'd never touched stimulants in my life, because looking back it's so fucking obvious that my use was tied to my current stage in my cycling - I'd pick them up when depressed and needing energy (shockingly they're pretty good for that), but I would not and could not stop once they induced Hypomania, they'd feed into the darkness of each other and join forces in convincing me I was fine, then comes the full blown Manic Psychosis which mixed with Meth is a Hell I never wish to experience again.

 

[ThatSpaceyKid]

Binging on stimulants with bi-polar is...
It's fucking impossible to write about, I know first hand just how fucking good it feels and I will never be able to explain it. The euphoria of stimulants mixed with the invincibility of Mania is the most beautiful and soul-destroying experience possible.
Funny how we're much more likely to be addicts, isn't it?

There is no better advice than just leaving the gear alone. All stimulants tend do is accentuate the cycles that tend to slightly destroy our lives.
I wish I'd never touched stimulants in my life, because looking back it's so fucking obvious that my use was tied to my current stage in my cycling - I'd pick them up when depressed and needing energy (shockingly they're pretty good for that), but I would not and could not stop once they induced Hypomania, they'd feed into the darkness of each other and join forces in convincing me I was fine, then comes the full blown Manic Psychosis which mixed with Meth is a Hell I never wish to experience again.

Yes!!! When you are so fucking Manic, and you do Crystal Meth... It feels like you become a badass, a warrior, an amazing social person, like all your pains are lifted, and worse off Psychosis from the disorder combined with Meth Psychosis is disaster. Bipolar is sad because... We're so damn emotional and so damn passionate, yet so unstable and insecure... I don't have a soul sadly :'( my broken heart, hatred, greed, and sin has turned it jet black. Yes I agree, but for me it was Heroin when I was depressed and Meth when I was Manic, but worse... I'd do both when I'd have mixed episodes. It is sad... Unfair. We already suffer... But to add drugs <\3 almost kills us. Also I wish I could tell my cycles like you . I am a rapid cycler. Literally... I can be depressed for 5 minutes to 60 minutes. Then I can become manic for 3 hours. Then depressed. Then manic... Then they mix... And it all ends with depression that is so severe. Yes. I don't even think it was the Mania I loved moreso the Euphoria that swept my body. And ye... I wish I'd of never gotten into it like I did. :'( We fucked up though... It did save me from Heroin though... I used to be so bad :'(. Yes... The delusions :'(. "Every thing is fine. Your okay... You can stop when you want... Meth... Meth... Meth... I am fine.. NO I lost no weight."

I'd have to say... Hell for me... Were my Epic Bipolar Meltdowns/Meth Withdrawal and comedown/Heroin Withdrawal/Psychosis/Mixed Mania/Rage fueled nights... which are usually Friday - Sunday... I became... A monster :'(. I broke walls... I threw things... I ran rabid in the streets screaming and cussing because my parents were pissing me off. I had epic arguments with my whole family for 5-10 hours straight... I got violent. I became sinister... I made my family cry... I took off for the whole day and told no one... I blew up on my friends... My dog... Myself... Last time I ended up in Detox, with suicidal charges, charges for not taking my medication, losing my family for a while, and ruined my reputation... I feel for you :'). I will be thinking about you because now I know... I'm not alone.