eating disorders in the past...

[syymphonatic]

I have a problem.. starting in 6th grade, I was writing diet plans, restricting my food intake, and meticulously counting calories. It last all the way up through high school, when I started learning how to throw up what I ate. that, and the other issues, still plague me today, although I consider myself over them (for the most part). I just have to watch myself to make sure that my logical head doesn't stray too far away.

The problem is... I want to be able to excercise and eat in moderation like normal people do. but when I eat normally, I feel still like it's too much. and when I try to actually excercise, it gets very very out of hand. like to the point where I obsessively go to the gym every single day, make myself follow strict diets (of celery and salads, crap like that usually), throw up when I eat normal food, count calories, record my weight 5 times a day... you see. I've always made an effort to eat healthy foods and cook for myself, and to not be a total couch potato, and I was vegetarian for 5 years, and I'm now phasing out meat again, so I've taken steps to at least be healthy enough to keep myself from going overboard, but it doesn't seem to matter if even part of my diet goes off balance.


I'm past the point of counselling now, I don't believe in it anymore, and I don't think my problem is active enough to merit the need for it. I just want some tips for how I can beat these things and try to eat and excercise like normal people. It usually rears up when something happens like (stupid) boys or the current problem, which is new birth control and paranoia about weight gain as a side effect.

any ideas?

 

[KiwiQflyer]

As someone who has dealt with this issue in the past, I must say...your problem DOES sound active enough to merit counseling. Why don't you believe in it? Quite honestly, this isn't going to get normal without it. Eating disorders generally stem from control issues...trying to gain control over your body and weight gain. The same goes for excessive exercising, diets, etc. You know the deal. You stated that it flares up when boys, weight gain...insecurities and pressure become an issue that the weight becomes an issue. When things in your life get OUT of control, you struggle by whatever means necessary to GAIN control.

My own solution? Probably not the normal way to go, and it was definitely rough. But, I got rid of the scale in my house. At first it was hard because I constantly scrutinized myself in the mirror. Even if I worked out 2 or 3 hours a day at the gym, I felt like I was gaining weight. Somehow, eventually I started feeling more comfortable with what I saw. Obviously, you'll still have days where the mirror is just NOT a friend...but so be it. On days when I really worked out hard, I allowed myself to splurge a bit and refused to write down calories (though you'll probably find yourself still keeping a mental tally). I also refused the identify purging as a possibility. Own your decisions and the food you eat. At any rate, I've found I'm more successful when I allow myself to eat anything I want in regulation, keep a regular workout habit...and if I really go crazy indulging in bad-for-ya-stuffs...then maybe make up for it by extending a workout session a bit.

It's mainly about finding a balance. You obviously recognize when you're overdoing it at the gym. Unless you've got the willpower to recognize this and stop yourself, I might suggest working out with or telling someone else about your tendencies.

Seriously, though...try therapy if you can. As much as you'd like to be, you certainly don't sound as though you're over the body image issues.

 

[kittyinthedark]

One thing that has helped me was to train my neuroses about food in a different direction. Now instead of not eating at all, I'll say, "I won't eat until after 3" or "Instead of eating that bag of chips, I'll eat two apples, because even two whole apples is fewer calories." Instead of crazy logic, it's healthy logic, and you can obsess over it all you want. And you can justify eating. It might not be the healthiest mindset, but it's healthiER.

I've noticed myself slipping again lately, and it really sucks. I ate half of my lunch in my car today, because I felt like I was eating too much, so I couldn't eat the rest in front of my coworkers... I was "classically" anorexic for 6 weeks exactly in high school (six weeks before junior prom ), and I swore to myself I'd never do it again - because I liked it so much...

 

[spacefacethebassace]

Freud says that the ego is first and foremost a body-ego. I took this to mean that my concern for my physical appearance indicated a high degree of egotism, and after deep contemplation I became disgusted with myself for being so self-interested.

I was also anorexic/bulimic/dysmorphic in high school and I have gotten over it since going to college. I quit lifting weights (too narcissistic) and stopped paying attention to what I eat. For cardiovascular exercise, I play outside, and as far as diet goes, I eat the least processed foods that are available.

For portion control, drink a full glass of water before you start to eat, and make sure to include at least one serving of a fruit or vegetable with every meal; all the fiber fills you up, blocks absorption of fats, and smooths your blood sugar spike so you don't binge on your next meal.

 

[Perpetual Indulgence]

I am a binge eater.

One of the reasons I enjoy exercise is that I need to eat to maintain energy and keep my blood sugar level. I eat 5-6 times per day. I eat when I am hungry. I don't wait like I used to. I drink >2L water a day. I go to the gym 5 days a week. I started going to the gym June 2006.

It took me a long time to figure this out. If I work-out. I can pig out. I haven't lost any weight. I break even calorically. I am on birth control. I am 34. Just wait until you get older, sweets. The womanly/hormonal changes are icky so start working out NOW!

Having a scale with a fat % helps me to focus less on the number but I now obsess about the fat % as a measure of my success.

I probably take in too many calories per day but 95% of it is good healthy food. That is how I rationalize. I stopped counting calories. I stopped restrictions. I choose better foods. I am also smoke pot daily. I continue feeding the munchies. I still chastise myself for late night eating. It is sooooo a control thing.

I don't know how to help you get over it because I have yet to myself but I understand. I do feel better about myself. I am a work in progress.

 

[Skwirrelle]

I suffered pretty severe anorexia between ages 13 and 22. I'm 25 now and every now and then I have a month when I get a bit obsessive but I don't really care enough about my vanity right now to get in too deep again.

My solution has always been to keep really busy. I work 2 jobs, play team sports so I am still committed to my workouts several times a week and coach junior sport which I also use as a workout for myself.

I try to prepare myself healthy food for morning tea, lunches etc and then every afternoon when I feel like snacking again I'm too busy. I'm usually running late to leave work and get to one of my sport committments.

It's even better when i have a later game because I eat dinner early and then go to sport. When I finish to make sure I don't go home and snack again I stick around at the clubhouse and chat to my friends for an hour or so, then by the time I get home it's too late and I need to shower and get ready for bed.

My biggest problem has always been having too much time to contemplate binge eating or obsessive exercise so I just eliminated that spare time most days.

 

[mariacallas]

I am a binge eater.

One of the reasons I enjoy exercise is that I need to eat to maintain energy and keep my blood sugar level. I eat 5-6 times per day. I eat when I am hungry. I don't wait like I used to. I drink >2L water a day. I go to the gym 5 days a week. I started going to the gym June 2006.

It took me a long time to figure this out. If I work-out. I can pig out. I haven't lost any weight. I break even calorically. I am on birth control. I am 34. Just wait until you get older, sweets. The womanly/hormonal changes are icky so start working out NOW!

+1
One of the reasons why I continue to exercise consistently despite a hectic schedule is because I love to eat.....I am a glutton It's sooo true PE that exercising daily AND giving in to my food urges (mostly healthy, some not so) makes me break even calorically....altho I have to say that I need to lose some weight at the moment and its quite hard shifting from being "satisfied" to having to cut down on my calories in order to see a deficit..... its very hard for me. I'm trying.

I've gone thru everything in the past....starvation + no exercise, exercise + pigging out, no activity or restraint whatsoever (i gained 50 lbs) ....and its taken me a long time to find a balance and what really works....and its not easy.

 

[wesmdow]

If you don't want to deal with traditional therapy anymore you may want to consider a weekly or monthly support group. Just being around other people who have experienced the same struggles can be a big comfort.

i had an ex girlfriend who had a big problem with support groups. she found that seeing all those thin girls w/ eating disorders in one place made it harder for her to stop throwing up.

 

[fruitfly]

^ really, I didn't think about that. The one person I knew who attended a group regularly found it really helpful. From what I could tell it wasn't just a bunch of skinny girls; most of them were in recovery and many were actually quite a bit older. The person she talked about the most was apparently a college professor in her late 40s who hadn't relapsed in years but still came to the group for the support. Anyway, whatever works.

 

[djwhirlpool]

I don't know what you're going through, but I had a very close friend who went through this in high school/ college and we talked about it one day and from what she said, it's a constant struggle and she doesn't believe that she will ever be over it. I agreed when she said that "you don't get over having a mental disorder." Maybe councelling would not be totally out of the question.