Low dose of DXM - Inexperienced - It was hell
I've been wanting to try DXM for a while, having read the interesting experiences on here and on erowid. So I went and bought a bottle of Robo Max Strength and waited for a good time. Last night I decided I would try it since my mom was asleep and my dad was at work (hence not much chance of getting caught).
Age: 18
Experience: lots of experience with weed, lsd, ecstasy, opiates and meth. tried ketamine once. never tried dxm.
Dose: 4 oz bottle of Robo Max Strength (only DXM)
Setting: bedroom at night
State of Mind: A little depressed from rolling a few days before - but nothing too extreme - good mindset
I took the first gulp at 10:00. The taste wasn't too bad. One more sip and I was down to half the bottle. Part of me wanted to stop since my stomach wasn't feeling that great. Then the evil, stupid voice spoke up. "You won't feel anything off of that...take the rest. Or you'll have gagged down that shit for nothing."
I can't resist that evil, stupid voice most of the time. Besides I had read that 4 oz is good for the first time. I had forgotten to take into account my body weight which hovers around 105 lbs.
So I down the rest and nibble on a saltine to get the taste out of my mouth. I turn on my blacklight and load up my playlist and wait. Around 10:30, I start to get some rushes of energy, like anticipation of what was about to come. The blacklight is bothering me so I turn it off. Then my music starts to annoy me and makes me feel sick so I crawl over and turn it off. Then I get scared of the dark so I turn on the tv and watch....Sorority Sisters. I know...but I couldn't find the remote.
At 11:00, I get very queasy. My cell phone rings. I can't talk to anyone right now because its hitting me fast. I go to the bathroom but can't throw up. I sit on the floor with my head in my arms. I'm getting intense rushes of heat and energy and I can't relax my muscles. The floor begins to form patterns and I see images such as ducks, dogs, and a man on a seahorse. I try to bring my trip around from the shithole it is in by talking to myself and thinkin happy thoughts. I repeat to myself that its only a drug and lots of people take it and have fun and it'll be over soon.
I finally get enough control over myself to crawl to my room. I collapse on my bed and close my eyes but the dizzy falling sensation is too much. I begin to think that I had to work tomorrow even though I didn't, and the thought that I would have to call out kept running through my head. It's like my mind would get stuck on a thought. I am still getting intense waves of unpleasureable energy rushes and I felt very hot. Everytime I tried to move my hand or a leg, it wouldn't go. I had to concentrate every part of me to move. I look at the clock and it is only 11:30. It gets worse.
My thoughts turn to suicide. I obsess over how good it would feel. I again try to yank my mind out of hell and try to think good things like my boyfriend. However, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I would miss him when I leave for college...these thought then turned to dying and how I hated this and how I would never do any drug again.
At this point I created a game. I would take the thoughts out of my had and roll them into little balls. Then I tossed them back and forth between my fingertips. I also started to count to myself. Counting seemed to reassure me. I would go from thinking I was dying to counting and then back to dying. My body felt as if it was being ripped apart by the rushes. I force myself to the bathroom again noting the time. 12:00.
I throw up and lied down on the floor again and tried to relax. I felt like I was expanding and at one point I filled the entire room. I could not bring my mind off of how much I hated the experience and wanted it to end...which I think only fueled the bad trip. I spent the next hour and a half curled in a fetus position wanting to die.
Finally I go back to my room. The rushes are less frequent and less extreme but the trip is still going pretty strong. My mind gets stuck on the fact that I had gone crazy and would never get better. I want to get my mom for help but I know it would just make things worse. Part of me knew it would end in the next hour or so but more of me just wanted to go wake her up, admit that I did drugs, and go to the hospital. I make myself lie down and try to make my mind go blank.
At 2:00, I have to turn off my tv because I was seeing strobes. They went away when it got dark again. I stared at my arm and saw tiny little dots crawling over me. I turn on the tv again and they disappear in the light. My body expands again to fill the room but this feeling goes away quickly when I start seeing strobes again. Off goes the tv. I finally fall into a weird state of nothingness at 2:30.
4:00 I "wake" up and find that I'm still getting tiny rushes and hot flashes. My eyes are twitching and wiggling and I can't focus on anything. I walk to the bathroom. I feel like I am a robot and slots of time have disappeared. I take one step and suddenly I'm in the bathroom. I think that it will take a lot of effort to move so I concentrate hard and put all my effort into it. But I move easily which throws me off and confuses me. I robot walk back to my room, eyes and mouth clenched all my muscles stiff. I still find it hard to relax my muscles especially my hands which are balled into fists. I fall into the same state of nothingness until I come to at 6:30. I really fall asleep a few minutes after that and finally wake up at 6 tonight.
I am feeling very weak and still a bit queasy. I am also very depressed, I've been near tears most of the night. My body and mind felt like it was ripped apart and everything I've accomplished thus far was laughed at by this being that appeared during the worst parts of my trip. My life was scrutinized and torn apart and I thought that it was not worth living and I should just die.
I am upset that I reacted so badly to DXM since I had such great hopes for the experience. I have no desire to do it again and right now no desire to do any drug again for fear of another bad trip. This was much worse than my bad acid trip because then I was able to bring myself back to a good trip. No matter how hard I tried I could not get myself out of the hell I lived in last night.
[ 17 July 2002: Message edited by: Spliffy ]
I've been wanting to try DXM for a while, having read the interesting experiences on here and on erowid. So I went and bought a bottle of Robo Max Strength and waited for a good time. Last night I decided I would try it since my mom was asleep and my dad was at work (hence not much chance of getting caught).
Age: 18
Experience: lots of experience with weed, lsd, ecstasy, opiates and meth. tried ketamine once. never tried dxm.
Dose: 4 oz bottle of Robo Max Strength (only DXM)
Setting: bedroom at night
State of Mind: A little depressed from rolling a few days before - but nothing too extreme - good mindset
I took the first gulp at 10:00. The taste wasn't too bad. One more sip and I was down to half the bottle. Part of me wanted to stop since my stomach wasn't feeling that great. Then the evil, stupid voice spoke up. "You won't feel anything off of that...take the rest. Or you'll have gagged down that shit for nothing."
I can't resist that evil, stupid voice most of the time. Besides I had read that 4 oz is good for the first time. I had forgotten to take into account my body weight which hovers around 105 lbs.
So I down the rest and nibble on a saltine to get the taste out of my mouth. I turn on my blacklight and load up my playlist and wait. Around 10:30, I start to get some rushes of energy, like anticipation of what was about to come. The blacklight is bothering me so I turn it off. Then my music starts to annoy me and makes me feel sick so I crawl over and turn it off. Then I get scared of the dark so I turn on the tv and watch....Sorority Sisters. I know...but I couldn't find the remote.
At 11:00, I get very queasy. My cell phone rings. I can't talk to anyone right now because its hitting me fast. I go to the bathroom but can't throw up. I sit on the floor with my head in my arms. I'm getting intense rushes of heat and energy and I can't relax my muscles. The floor begins to form patterns and I see images such as ducks, dogs, and a man on a seahorse. I try to bring my trip around from the shithole it is in by talking to myself and thinkin happy thoughts. I repeat to myself that its only a drug and lots of people take it and have fun and it'll be over soon.
I finally get enough control over myself to crawl to my room. I collapse on my bed and close my eyes but the dizzy falling sensation is too much. I begin to think that I had to work tomorrow even though I didn't, and the thought that I would have to call out kept running through my head. It's like my mind would get stuck on a thought. I am still getting intense waves of unpleasureable energy rushes and I felt very hot. Everytime I tried to move my hand or a leg, it wouldn't go. I had to concentrate every part of me to move. I look at the clock and it is only 11:30. It gets worse.
My thoughts turn to suicide. I obsess over how good it would feel. I again try to yank my mind out of hell and try to think good things like my boyfriend. However, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I would miss him when I leave for college...these thought then turned to dying and how I hated this and how I would never do any drug again.
At this point I created a game. I would take the thoughts out of my had and roll them into little balls. Then I tossed them back and forth between my fingertips. I also started to count to myself. Counting seemed to reassure me. I would go from thinking I was dying to counting and then back to dying. My body felt as if it was being ripped apart by the rushes. I force myself to the bathroom again noting the time. 12:00.
I throw up and lied down on the floor again and tried to relax. I felt like I was expanding and at one point I filled the entire room. I could not bring my mind off of how much I hated the experience and wanted it to end...which I think only fueled the bad trip. I spent the next hour and a half curled in a fetus position wanting to die.
Finally I go back to my room. The rushes are less frequent and less extreme but the trip is still going pretty strong. My mind gets stuck on the fact that I had gone crazy and would never get better. I want to get my mom for help but I know it would just make things worse. Part of me knew it would end in the next hour or so but more of me just wanted to go wake her up, admit that I did drugs, and go to the hospital. I make myself lie down and try to make my mind go blank.
At 2:00, I have to turn off my tv because I was seeing strobes. They went away when it got dark again. I stared at my arm and saw tiny little dots crawling over me. I turn on the tv again and they disappear in the light. My body expands again to fill the room but this feeling goes away quickly when I start seeing strobes again. Off goes the tv. I finally fall into a weird state of nothingness at 2:30.
4:00 I "wake" up and find that I'm still getting tiny rushes and hot flashes. My eyes are twitching and wiggling and I can't focus on anything. I walk to the bathroom. I feel like I am a robot and slots of time have disappeared. I take one step and suddenly I'm in the bathroom. I think that it will take a lot of effort to move so I concentrate hard and put all my effort into it. But I move easily which throws me off and confuses me. I robot walk back to my room, eyes and mouth clenched all my muscles stiff. I still find it hard to relax my muscles especially my hands which are balled into fists. I fall into the same state of nothingness until I come to at 6:30. I really fall asleep a few minutes after that and finally wake up at 6 tonight.
I am feeling very weak and still a bit queasy. I am also very depressed, I've been near tears most of the night. My body and mind felt like it was ripped apart and everything I've accomplished thus far was laughed at by this being that appeared during the worst parts of my trip. My life was scrutinized and torn apart and I thought that it was not worth living and I should just die.
I am upset that I reacted so badly to DXM since I had such great hopes for the experience. I have no desire to do it again and right now no desire to do any drug again for fear of another bad trip. This was much worse than my bad acid trip because then I was able to bring myself back to a good trip. No matter how hard I tried I could not get myself out of the hell I lived in last night.
[ 17 July 2002: Message edited by: Spliffy ]
