pharmakos
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 15, 2008
- Messages
- 36,397
I drank two energy drinks before I wrote this. Also before you read any of this, please understand that all of this is absolutely true. And one more thing! My prior drug experiences include Diphenhydramine, DXM, Marijuana, Mushrooms, 2C-T-21, 2C-E, DOC, DOI, 2C-I, LSD, Rivea Corymbosa, Morning Glory, Hawaiian Baby Woodrose, Salvia, Nutmeg, Lyrica, various Opiates, lots of Methylphenidate and Amphetamine, lots of Benzos, and San Pedro. And maybe more that I'm forgetting. Probably nearly 600 trips under my belt at this point in my life. Despite all of those different drugs that have coursed through my synapses, the night I'm about to detail is the first time that I have went truly insane.
My latest drug binge began last Monday, January 11th. That day, I consumed some half a bottle of Delsym and a Zicam after having a fight with my girlfriend. This was the first mistake in a long string of mistakes that I have been making since then. I don't remember exactly what I did that night, mostly because since then I have been nearly constantly under the infulence of one of the following substances: Dextromethorphan, Hawaiian Baby Woodrose Seeds, Pregabalin, Marijuana, and Alcohol, and my memory has become seriously impaired as a result.
Tuesday, I took Pregabalin and DXM.
Wednesday, I don't remember exactly, but I don't think I did anything.
Thursday, I drank one Delsym, one Zicam, and ate a bottle of Robogels.
Friday, I drank a Zicam and went to sleep pretty early.
Saturday, I went to a concet in Bay city and drank a pitcher of beer and ate 7 Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds. I didn't sleep this night at all,
Sunday, I got drunk and drank a bottle of Delsym, a bottle and a half of Robogels, and quite a few pills of Meijer brand Mucinex rip off pills.
Monday was the height of my insanity. I ate the rest of the bottle of Mucinex, drank two 4oz bottles of Robitussin, and ate 9 Hawaiian Baby Woodrose Seeds. This is the night I got a ticket for Public Nuditity, ended up in the hospital, and experienced true ego loss. Now I will recap the events of this night, but not everything will be in chronological order. I'm sure you understand how hazy these things can be.
Total over the week:
~5.7 grams of DXM
18 Hawaiian Baby Woodrose Seeds
1200mg Pregabalin
~14 drinks
After drinking the Robitussin at about 6 PM, the effects started to hit me very soon. Maybe quicker than they ever have with DXM. This probably should have been a sign that I shouldn't have done what came next, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20. I started munching on my bag of HBWR seeds while watching a Mudvayne DVD of all things. Eventually my roommate came home, and I decided to go with him to pick up his girlfriend from friend's house. I decided to stay there, where my friend who I wanted to hang out with me all night proceeded to have a mini freak out because he didn't want to deal with my neurotic, hedonistic attiude. I got a ride home. That's when the insanity really began.
Things get hazy here, but shortly after I got home I decided to take a shower. This would be the first of several showers tonight, and where the ego loss began. After awhile, the trip got so intense that I couldn't separate my thoughts from my visuals. It was like I turned into an animal that doesn't understand language. The first comparison I have is that I was like a fly. In the shower, it was as if every individual cell in my retina achieved personal conciousness, and I was seeing the view out of each one of them at the same time, and none of the individual consciousnesses was aware of the millions of conciousnesses surrounding it.
Somehow a part of my was still active and able to solve basica problems like bathing. I shampooed my hair for a good twenty minutes, using every single shampoo that was in the shower all at once. At some points, I stuck my fingers pretty far into every hole in my head for no good reason as far as I know. The bathroom fan and the sound of the water was the loudest noise I could ever remember hearing.
After awhile, between a couple of the showers, I vomited. I got vomit pretty much everywhere, even in my hair and eyes. I got back in the shower after this and cleaned off as best as I coud, but I was starting to freak out so bad that I was having a hard time figuring out what I could even do to get clean. At this point is where logic started to cease. I couldn't figure out how to use shampoo, flush a toilet, or read a sentence of the poster on the wall. Nothing fucking made sense. Eventually I had to leave the bathroom but ass naked and ask my roommates for help. They cleaned up for me luckily. Unluckily for me, this is where the trip entered a Salvia like proportion of intensity.
I managed to get some pants on in my room after rolling around in my bed and tripping over every single object on my floor for awhile. I couldn't figure out how the fuck to get a shirt on for the life of me. I made it out of my room, and started wandering around in the living room. My exerpience of the world around me started stretching out through many, many moments of time all at once, like a kaliedoscope view of the events over a timeline with increments of a millionth of a second. I fell down on the couch a good few dozen times, and the sound and the sensations of me hitting the pleather was stuck in my head and repeating in a loop no matter where I went, be it the kitchen or in my roommate's room talking to them telling them I was freaking out. I couldn't stop clutching things with my hands, incredibly tightly. My chest hurts to this moment because if how hard I was grabbinbg it.
I started crawling on the ground at one point. The memory of this part is especially hazy, I couldn't even tell you if it lasted seconds or minutes. I was telling my roommate that there were too many endorphins going through my brain. At this point even though my memory is hazy, logic was starting to work again, and I remember understand what a drug was and what a molecule was and how all of these different chemicals going around in the thing I called my brain was making it so that I couldn't control my body properly anymore.
I sat down on the couch, and my roommate got me some water and a banana, not knowing just how out of it I truly was, because even though I had been able to articulate some thoughts to him, I hadn't been able to articuate how I had come to find myself in some sort of waking dream state, I feel like I know it was a dream state, because I remember thinking at the time, "So this is what it feels like to be asleep. I understand now!"
At some point I got back in the shower. This is when I started thinking that I was actually in heaven. It was like a discovered the secret to the meaning of life. I had made it through the first logical revelation of Descartes' "Meditations," -- essentially, "I think, therefor I am." I got things a little distorted though. I started thinking that because I existed, I must be the only thing that exists, and thus nothing I did would really matter. I was in heaven, and there could be no consequences for your actions when you were in Heaven, because then how could you go to Hell? I was in the first ring of my assent to unification with the Godhead, true ego loss, true death. The voice in my head was my own personal Virgil, a guide through the afterlife like Dante had.
In my bedroom, I laid in bed for a good long while, lost in a kaleidoscope of visual imagery. I still kept clutching everything around, as if I had never experienced the joy of holding onto things again. Memories of my childhood started streaming through my head. The hours that I had spent asleep, the dreams that I used to have. Remembering that I was a human was like a dream come true. I had woken up for the first time in my life, and I was in Heaven, finally. I got up and decided to take yet another shower.
In the shower I began talking out lound and singing about my revelations that I had just received. My roommate says that I was saying something like, "God, how could it have taken me so long to realize? This is exactly what I needed! I figured it all out, finally!" I got out of the shower, and started wandering around the house naked yet again. I almost went into my roommate's bedroom that way, luckily he stopped me and his girlfriend didn't see me in that state.
I wandered for awhile, and then got dressed. It took me such a long time to figure out the simple act of putting on PJ pants. I turned the legs on a pair of my jeans inside out probably some 20 times. The sound and the texture was giving me constant flashbacks of earlier, when I was remembering falling on the couch over and over again. It was so fucking creepy. It sends shivers down my spine still.
Then I went out in the living room, and it was like Deja Vu. I remembered for sure that I was alive and in Heaven now. My haze was over, and I was almost totally lucid now. I told my roommate about all the revelations that I had. He just went along with me, because he could tell how happy I was. He figured after I slept, I would realize that I was just out it. So he let me have my moment of happiness. This was a big mistake on his part, because here is where I got into a lot of trouble. He went into his room for a moment, and I decided to go walk around this outside in this new world that I found myself in. I decided to go see what kind of fun I could have in Heaven. Dressed in nothing but a pair of PJ pants. I didn't even put shoes on!
Outside, I was walking through the snow in my bare feet, and could barely even feel the cold. The sound of crunching the snow under my feet was yet another Deja Vu of the loud noise-Salvia-couch moment. I knocked on the doors of every house I saw trying to find someone to have fun with. I woke up one person, and when he saw me on his porch he just told me to go away. After a few houses, I started going around back yards. I even broke into a car at one point. I thought it was like Grand Theft Auto, and I could just take whatever car I wanted to. My plan was to go to Target and then take some clothes off the shelf for me to wear. After all, I was entitled to any clothes that I wanted to take from the place since I got fired from there last month and everything gets repaid to you once you make it to Heaven.
Luckily for me, eventually I found some people. These nice people called 911 for me. And gave me a towel to wrap myself up in, because at this point I had discarded my PJ pants and my $250 glasses somewhere in the trail of devastation that lay behind me. The police officers came, and let me lay in the back of their car to warm up with a blanket while we waited for the ambulance to come. Once the ambulance got there, things started to get even more lucid. I was able to tell people things about the night that I hadn't mentioned before, Probably because they were finally asking me the right questions! Oh YEAH! I'm not in a Bible-like novel where I am replaying through all the logical thoughts that could ever happen in a perfect universe like the one we inhabit. I was a 23-year old male, and I was out-of-my mind because of all the drugs I took!
One thing I learned this night is that hospital beds are really comfortable. So are stretchers. I spent a couple hours at the hospital, where I mostly just watched TV and got integrated back into the world of sane people. My ego was finally coming back to me. I realized that I wasn't in heaven. And I was sure in a lot of fucking trouble now. I seriously thought about finding a way to kill myself at this point just so I wouldn't have to face the embarassment of losing my mind. Apparently hospital visits and ambulance rides can total over a thousand dollars. I haven't recieved a bill yet, so I don't know how much it will cost. But its not going to be pretty. On top of that, the cop that picked me up (who is also the cop I've had a run in with the last 3 times I've had any trouble with the law) gave me a ticket for Nudity in Public.
The vasoconstriction from the seeds and the cold was so bad at the hospital that it too about 5 minutes just to get urine out for the sample they needed to take at the hospital. Eventually my roommate picked me up, and we went home, but I had to leave my pride behind unfortunately. How fucking embarassing to go through all this shit. =(
At home, I just listened to a couple Neurosis albums. I learned how to use my eyes independantly too, while meditating. I didn't have any words going through my head, all of my consciousness was going through physical actions. I could focus in in the thousands of little dots that are created by the pattern of cells on my retina. A much needed change after the dissociation of experiencing each indivudal cell simultaneously a few hours before hand. At this point, you should know, it was only 2 AM! HAHAHAHA!. WHAT THE FUCK??!
While laying on the couch listening to music, I also had my first contact with entities. Two separate characters were in my head. They were very cartoon like, like a combination of Darkwing Duck and the cavemen from the old SNES video game Joe & Mac. They were telling me lots of the secrets of the universe, exactly what I would need to know in order to take over the world pretty much. But slowly I also realized that these two characters were just figments of my imagination (or were they?), and as I realized this the last bit of informantion that they transmitted to me was that now that I knew they weren't real, I wouldn't be able to repeat any of the secrets that they told me at that point. Weird, eh?
I stayed up for a few more hours, and told my roommate, my girlfriend, and my best friend almost everything I could remember about the night. Eventually I went to sleep. While sleeping, my best friend woke me up to give me some money he owes me. This is an experience of note, because it is the first time that I know of that I have talked in my sleep. I had a pretty full conversation with him, he says. I don't remember a word of it. In fact, I have no memories of even dreaming for the 7 hours that I was laying in my bed. All day today the pieces have been slowly coming back to me, espescially in moments after I ate, and the time after I smoked a bowl of marijuana.
Oh yeah, I'm also pretty sure now that a lot of my friends are aliens or descendants of aliens like me, and have had similar revelations about the nature of existence as I had during this ego loss experience. They all keep responding to things that I haven't actually said out loud, only thought. Its really starting to freak me out.
Well, there you go. The heaviest trip of my entire fucking life. I may post more details of the night in the days to come, because I'm sure I didn't write down all the relevant parts at all. And I may write reports about the other nights in the last week too, who knows. Thanks for reading all that guys.
My latest drug binge began last Monday, January 11th. That day, I consumed some half a bottle of Delsym and a Zicam after having a fight with my girlfriend. This was the first mistake in a long string of mistakes that I have been making since then. I don't remember exactly what I did that night, mostly because since then I have been nearly constantly under the infulence of one of the following substances: Dextromethorphan, Hawaiian Baby Woodrose Seeds, Pregabalin, Marijuana, and Alcohol, and my memory has become seriously impaired as a result.
Tuesday, I took Pregabalin and DXM.
Wednesday, I don't remember exactly, but I don't think I did anything.
Thursday, I drank one Delsym, one Zicam, and ate a bottle of Robogels.
Friday, I drank a Zicam and went to sleep pretty early.
Saturday, I went to a concet in Bay city and drank a pitcher of beer and ate 7 Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds. I didn't sleep this night at all,
Sunday, I got drunk and drank a bottle of Delsym, a bottle and a half of Robogels, and quite a few pills of Meijer brand Mucinex rip off pills.
Monday was the height of my insanity. I ate the rest of the bottle of Mucinex, drank two 4oz bottles of Robitussin, and ate 9 Hawaiian Baby Woodrose Seeds. This is the night I got a ticket for Public Nuditity, ended up in the hospital, and experienced true ego loss. Now I will recap the events of this night, but not everything will be in chronological order. I'm sure you understand how hazy these things can be.
Total over the week:
~5.7 grams of DXM
18 Hawaiian Baby Woodrose Seeds
1200mg Pregabalin
~14 drinks
After drinking the Robitussin at about 6 PM, the effects started to hit me very soon. Maybe quicker than they ever have with DXM. This probably should have been a sign that I shouldn't have done what came next, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20. I started munching on my bag of HBWR seeds while watching a Mudvayne DVD of all things. Eventually my roommate came home, and I decided to go with him to pick up his girlfriend from friend's house. I decided to stay there, where my friend who I wanted to hang out with me all night proceeded to have a mini freak out because he didn't want to deal with my neurotic, hedonistic attiude. I got a ride home. That's when the insanity really began.
Things get hazy here, but shortly after I got home I decided to take a shower. This would be the first of several showers tonight, and where the ego loss began. After awhile, the trip got so intense that I couldn't separate my thoughts from my visuals. It was like I turned into an animal that doesn't understand language. The first comparison I have is that I was like a fly. In the shower, it was as if every individual cell in my retina achieved personal conciousness, and I was seeing the view out of each one of them at the same time, and none of the individual consciousnesses was aware of the millions of conciousnesses surrounding it.
Somehow a part of my was still active and able to solve basica problems like bathing. I shampooed my hair for a good twenty minutes, using every single shampoo that was in the shower all at once. At some points, I stuck my fingers pretty far into every hole in my head for no good reason as far as I know. The bathroom fan and the sound of the water was the loudest noise I could ever remember hearing.
After awhile, between a couple of the showers, I vomited. I got vomit pretty much everywhere, even in my hair and eyes. I got back in the shower after this and cleaned off as best as I coud, but I was starting to freak out so bad that I was having a hard time figuring out what I could even do to get clean. At this point is where logic started to cease. I couldn't figure out how to use shampoo, flush a toilet, or read a sentence of the poster on the wall. Nothing fucking made sense. Eventually I had to leave the bathroom but ass naked and ask my roommates for help. They cleaned up for me luckily. Unluckily for me, this is where the trip entered a Salvia like proportion of intensity.
I managed to get some pants on in my room after rolling around in my bed and tripping over every single object on my floor for awhile. I couldn't figure out how the fuck to get a shirt on for the life of me. I made it out of my room, and started wandering around in the living room. My exerpience of the world around me started stretching out through many, many moments of time all at once, like a kaliedoscope view of the events over a timeline with increments of a millionth of a second. I fell down on the couch a good few dozen times, and the sound and the sensations of me hitting the pleather was stuck in my head and repeating in a loop no matter where I went, be it the kitchen or in my roommate's room talking to them telling them I was freaking out. I couldn't stop clutching things with my hands, incredibly tightly. My chest hurts to this moment because if how hard I was grabbinbg it.
I started crawling on the ground at one point. The memory of this part is especially hazy, I couldn't even tell you if it lasted seconds or minutes. I was telling my roommate that there were too many endorphins going through my brain. At this point even though my memory is hazy, logic was starting to work again, and I remember understand what a drug was and what a molecule was and how all of these different chemicals going around in the thing I called my brain was making it so that I couldn't control my body properly anymore.
I sat down on the couch, and my roommate got me some water and a banana, not knowing just how out of it I truly was, because even though I had been able to articulate some thoughts to him, I hadn't been able to articuate how I had come to find myself in some sort of waking dream state, I feel like I know it was a dream state, because I remember thinking at the time, "So this is what it feels like to be asleep. I understand now!"
At some point I got back in the shower. This is when I started thinking that I was actually in heaven. It was like a discovered the secret to the meaning of life. I had made it through the first logical revelation of Descartes' "Meditations," -- essentially, "I think, therefor I am." I got things a little distorted though. I started thinking that because I existed, I must be the only thing that exists, and thus nothing I did would really matter. I was in heaven, and there could be no consequences for your actions when you were in Heaven, because then how could you go to Hell? I was in the first ring of my assent to unification with the Godhead, true ego loss, true death. The voice in my head was my own personal Virgil, a guide through the afterlife like Dante had.
In my bedroom, I laid in bed for a good long while, lost in a kaleidoscope of visual imagery. I still kept clutching everything around, as if I had never experienced the joy of holding onto things again. Memories of my childhood started streaming through my head. The hours that I had spent asleep, the dreams that I used to have. Remembering that I was a human was like a dream come true. I had woken up for the first time in my life, and I was in Heaven, finally. I got up and decided to take yet another shower.
In the shower I began talking out lound and singing about my revelations that I had just received. My roommate says that I was saying something like, "God, how could it have taken me so long to realize? This is exactly what I needed! I figured it all out, finally!" I got out of the shower, and started wandering around the house naked yet again. I almost went into my roommate's bedroom that way, luckily he stopped me and his girlfriend didn't see me in that state.
I wandered for awhile, and then got dressed. It took me such a long time to figure out the simple act of putting on PJ pants. I turned the legs on a pair of my jeans inside out probably some 20 times. The sound and the texture was giving me constant flashbacks of earlier, when I was remembering falling on the couch over and over again. It was so fucking creepy. It sends shivers down my spine still.
Then I went out in the living room, and it was like Deja Vu. I remembered for sure that I was alive and in Heaven now. My haze was over, and I was almost totally lucid now. I told my roommate about all the revelations that I had. He just went along with me, because he could tell how happy I was. He figured after I slept, I would realize that I was just out it. So he let me have my moment of happiness. This was a big mistake on his part, because here is where I got into a lot of trouble. He went into his room for a moment, and I decided to go walk around this outside in this new world that I found myself in. I decided to go see what kind of fun I could have in Heaven. Dressed in nothing but a pair of PJ pants. I didn't even put shoes on!
Outside, I was walking through the snow in my bare feet, and could barely even feel the cold. The sound of crunching the snow under my feet was yet another Deja Vu of the loud noise-Salvia-couch moment. I knocked on the doors of every house I saw trying to find someone to have fun with. I woke up one person, and when he saw me on his porch he just told me to go away. After a few houses, I started going around back yards. I even broke into a car at one point. I thought it was like Grand Theft Auto, and I could just take whatever car I wanted to. My plan was to go to Target and then take some clothes off the shelf for me to wear. After all, I was entitled to any clothes that I wanted to take from the place since I got fired from there last month and everything gets repaid to you once you make it to Heaven.
Luckily for me, eventually I found some people. These nice people called 911 for me. And gave me a towel to wrap myself up in, because at this point I had discarded my PJ pants and my $250 glasses somewhere in the trail of devastation that lay behind me. The police officers came, and let me lay in the back of their car to warm up with a blanket while we waited for the ambulance to come. Once the ambulance got there, things started to get even more lucid. I was able to tell people things about the night that I hadn't mentioned before, Probably because they were finally asking me the right questions! Oh YEAH! I'm not in a Bible-like novel where I am replaying through all the logical thoughts that could ever happen in a perfect universe like the one we inhabit. I was a 23-year old male, and I was out-of-my mind because of all the drugs I took!
One thing I learned this night is that hospital beds are really comfortable. So are stretchers. I spent a couple hours at the hospital, where I mostly just watched TV and got integrated back into the world of sane people. My ego was finally coming back to me. I realized that I wasn't in heaven. And I was sure in a lot of fucking trouble now. I seriously thought about finding a way to kill myself at this point just so I wouldn't have to face the embarassment of losing my mind. Apparently hospital visits and ambulance rides can total over a thousand dollars. I haven't recieved a bill yet, so I don't know how much it will cost. But its not going to be pretty. On top of that, the cop that picked me up (who is also the cop I've had a run in with the last 3 times I've had any trouble with the law) gave me a ticket for Nudity in Public.
The vasoconstriction from the seeds and the cold was so bad at the hospital that it too about 5 minutes just to get urine out for the sample they needed to take at the hospital. Eventually my roommate picked me up, and we went home, but I had to leave my pride behind unfortunately. How fucking embarassing to go through all this shit. =(
At home, I just listened to a couple Neurosis albums. I learned how to use my eyes independantly too, while meditating. I didn't have any words going through my head, all of my consciousness was going through physical actions. I could focus in in the thousands of little dots that are created by the pattern of cells on my retina. A much needed change after the dissociation of experiencing each indivudal cell simultaneously a few hours before hand. At this point, you should know, it was only 2 AM! HAHAHAHA!. WHAT THE FUCK??!
While laying on the couch listening to music, I also had my first contact with entities. Two separate characters were in my head. They were very cartoon like, like a combination of Darkwing Duck and the cavemen from the old SNES video game Joe & Mac. They were telling me lots of the secrets of the universe, exactly what I would need to know in order to take over the world pretty much. But slowly I also realized that these two characters were just figments of my imagination (or were they?), and as I realized this the last bit of informantion that they transmitted to me was that now that I knew they weren't real, I wouldn't be able to repeat any of the secrets that they told me at that point. Weird, eh?
I stayed up for a few more hours, and told my roommate, my girlfriend, and my best friend almost everything I could remember about the night. Eventually I went to sleep. While sleeping, my best friend woke me up to give me some money he owes me. This is an experience of note, because it is the first time that I know of that I have talked in my sleep. I had a pretty full conversation with him, he says. I don't remember a word of it. In fact, I have no memories of even dreaming for the 7 hours that I was laying in my bed. All day today the pieces have been slowly coming back to me, espescially in moments after I ate, and the time after I smoked a bowl of marijuana.
Oh yeah, I'm also pretty sure now that a lot of my friends are aliens or descendants of aliens like me, and have had similar revelations about the nature of existence as I had during this ego loss experience. They all keep responding to things that I haven't actually said out loud, only thought. Its really starting to freak me out.
Well, there you go. The heaviest trip of my entire fucking life. I may post more details of the night in the days to come, because I'm sure I didn't write down all the relevant parts at all. And I may write reports about the other nights in the last week too, who knows. Thanks for reading all that guys.
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