Mental Health DXM and drugs caused depersonalization. Help!

[Sk8r308]

Ok well I'm 15 years old. I've had a very bad drug abuse problem tht I had with my self. It first started with a sharpie I smelled it for a hour str8 trying to get high. Then I felt really zoned out and spaced out then came the cigarettes weed, spice , adderall , Benadryl, dxm , LSD, alcohol and some others. Well I was pretty much addicted to dxm I would take around 20-40 every Friday for a while so I've taken over 500 o those robitussin gelcap pills in total. Now I just smoked a blunt got high then thought to myself and realized I have depersonalization disorder I have the symptoms. I feel hyped up and weird inside but I never put in much physical action forces along with it. But I bench 285 Max and am very strong. I don't really laugh much cuz I feel like I'm watching everything I can watch a full conversation without saying anything. I hate it I hav some opinions but they don't make it out my mouth. This disorder has affect my relationship with god and my family. Everytime I smoke I feel like I'm KINDA exploring myself. Seeing and realizing tht I have it and tht I might (probly) be depressed. I know I need therapy. My friends call me boring when in sober. So when I smoke weed I feel depressed and self concious and notice my depersonalization BUT when I trip on robitussin I feel like tht is my real personality and I feel free. No lie tht was y I would do so much so often. Wen I'm on it I don't really care wut people think and I'm the real me having conversations with people and being funny and interesting. I need help can anyone help me in my situation? I'm 15 150lbs.

 

[callmeochoocho88]

Your not depersonalized. You need real friends first off. If you can't chill with someone when your sober then they probably aren't a true friend but your 15 years old so true friends aren't even in your life yet. Your self conscious because you think everyone expects you to be that funny interesting guy but that's not you, that's the drugs. Also it doesn't matter what your 'friends' think of you when your 15. I know in your mind its a big deal but in 5 years you won't even remember those chums. Your relationship with god can be completely within yourself. God is what you make him and you do not need to speak outloud to comminicate with your god. Your diagnosing yourself with a serious mental problem but your just growing up and forming a more in depth personality. and as your personality takes a more defined shape you need to adjust who you consider your friends so you can be happy. Also leave the dxm alone man I don't think you respect or undersrand the power of the drug.

 

[bluemonkey]

hi

I have DDNOs, which is in the same category as depersonalization disorder ( the category is called Dissociative Disorders) but, mine is mildest end of the spectrum. If you can safely do so, talk to your parents about finding a therapist. You could just say that you have times when things don't feel real etc... you wouldn't have to say everything.

If you cannot safely tell your parents because they abuse you ( common with Dissociative Disorders mine was caused by a different relative not my parents but, anyway...), then depending on where you are there are more or less resources for minors. I know Australia and Canada both have helplines for kids/teens. The canada link is http://kidshelpphone.ca/teens/home/splash.aspx and the australia one is www.kidshelp.com.au/


Another option is to talk to a teacher you trust. In the states, teachers are what's called " mandated reporters" meaning they are legally obligated to talk to social services to try to get you into a safer living situation. A website that might be useful in the states is https://www.thehopeline.com/

that last site uses a christian biblical approach but, they are also connected with other resources that they can connect you to. I think the volunteers there are mandated reporters too.

Just to give you some hope about all this, I used to sometimes zone out too not be able to talk like what you described but, its been 20 years since I was around the abusive person who caused my problem ( mine was not drug or med related) and the problem has basically stopped now. Although i still have the diagnosis. Like i said, i really have no experience with drugs causing it but, perhaps if with help, you can get away from the cause the symptoms might stop. But, its important to reach out for help.

There are forums for people with with DDs too that are peer based for the most part. One may have to be 18 to join most of them ( i'm not sure), but it might be worth looking at some because a place to vent/ share with others about one's symptoms is always nice but, peer-forums should not replace professional help.

One last thing when you talk to a therapist, I would not say " i have this disorder". Just tell him or her your symptoms and let him/her figure it out. Most therapist, in my experience shutdown and tune out if they feel you have diagnosed yourself. I think they like to feel like all that money they spent on school and licensing makes them smarter than the average person who compared him or herself to a symptom list lol. Of course if a counselor or Dr previously said you have X then its fine to say, " I have been diagnosed with X, in 2010 by my Dr..." or whatever.

 

[bluemonkey]

Your not depersonalized.

I don't know if he is or not but, i would be careful making a statement like that. Finally diagnosis should be left to professionals and no I am not one... I am just saying be careful because online its very hard to say one way or the other about anything like this...

 

[callmeochoocho88]

It's just too common for youngsters to diagnose themselves with mental illness when its just puberty shaping their personality. Your right blue monkey I am not a professional so I should not have been so frank because he may be right, but you should stop with the drugs, because its the drugs indirectly effecting your relationship with your family. Wether they know your a user or not its the drugs that are coming between you and your family. And I'm still sticking to my guns about finding some real friends cause you should not have to be fucked up for people to enjoy your company, and you should not have to worry about if people think your funny or interesting. Once you find a true friend you'll realize how easier life is. Accept yourself, and embrace yourself, and never be someone your not for others.

 

[NerdOnDrugs]

Wen I'm on it I don't really care wut people think and I'm the real me

Real people care what people think, it's natural. Psychopaths don't. You're not the real you when on DXM/weed (though that's a common theme people think when they take anything anxiety reducing), you just like the feeling. Sober people in general tend to be more laid back and dull compared to the intoxicated.

How were u before u ever tried drugs, more or less animated and outgoing than after DXM?

 

[Roxane man]

I don't know that much about this condition but I wouldent be too quick to label yourself. You may be generally depressed but don't be absolutist about anything. Drugs at a really young CAN be damaging to the body, but its very difficult to measure these things. I personally have experienced the same thing with ppl rather me be high almost bc I'm more fun to be around. The problem is once you've been doing drugs consistently for a long time things become blurred and it becomes a situation where it's hard to estimate what exactly is causing what, to which degree, and for how long. I would obviously suggest steering away from dxm and drugs in general for an extended period to see how things work out, but I totally understand from first hand experiences sometimes the emotional and often physical pain is too much to bare to be sober. Just remember there is a God in this life..

 

[Sk8r308]

Thanks for all the replies. Before I done dxm or any drugs I was quiet at first when I met people but then after a while I broke the ice I was more outgoing. Like I think I'm depersonalized because I feel like my personality has changed ever since I started doing any drugs. I don't feel as motivated for anything. Like things tht I would normally would have probably laughed at is not tht funny now. When I do dxm I feel more "free" and don't care wut people think about me. But when I'm not on it I feel like self concious even sometimes the way I walk. And I look forward to doing dxm when I'm not on it

 

[callmeochoocho88]

That sounds like a mental addiction to substance. Ever since I started smoking pot my drug use has spiraled to harder drugs just to enjoy my day. I could've quit when I was at a younger age messin with dxm and bud but now I know drugs will forever be in the back of my head. You should try to quit use for a while at keast a month, and see if things begin to regulate

 

[Toz]

Thanks for all the replies. Before I done dxm or any drugs I was quiet at first when I met people but then after a while I broke the ice I was more outgoing. Like I think I'm depersonalized because I feel like my personality has changed ever since I started doing any drugs. I don't feel as motivated for anything. Like things tht I would normally would have probably laughed at is not tht funny now. When I do dxm I feel more "free" and don't care wut people think about me. But when I'm not on it I feel like self concious even sometimes the way I walk. And I look forward to doing dxm when I'm not on it

Of course your personality changes if you do alot of drugs. Nearly all drugs when used in excess will alter your personality somewhat. Dissociatives like DXM / K / PCP are more notorious for doing this than other types of drugs I think. I do not think you have dissociative personality disorder or whatever it's called, but rather that it's a side effect of all the drugs you have been doing. Stop doing drugs, especially dissociatives and the symptoms should resolve themselves within a few weeks / months. I am pretty sure of this as I have been overdoing dissociatives myself lately and I feel like I'm viewing the world in third person sort of, it's hard to describe but I feel outside my body and like I'm staring into oblivion all the time, making it hard to interact with people / follow conversations. If you experience similiar feelings I'd advise you to do what I have done: Stay sober. It does get better slowly. Don't even smoke weed, it will make it worse.

You have to make a choice, recover, or keep doing drugs. The choice is yours. You're only 15 so I highly doubt you have done any permanent damage. At your age you should have an easier time recovering than most of us who are older. But you are also putting yourself at more risk doing drugs because your brain is still developing. I humbly advice you not to head down the path of addiction, it's so easy to get lost on it when you're young. Save the drugs for when you are older and have more life experience (I know no one wants to hear this).

 

[juststoppingby]

Just take a real brake from the drugs, you are still developing emotionally at your age, and I think its your drugs that cause what you are feeling. IF you can't quit stay with weed only, no more DXM. I wish I had got that advice when I was your age, might have made for a much better life for me. And don't hang out with friends that expect you to be something you are not to keep them happy. You have to listen to yourself and what you wan't not others.

T

 

[bluemonkey]

i forgot to say that when I was diagnosed with the disorder I have, my therapist had me keep track on a calendar when i was dissociated in one color and in another color days i had taken my pain meds.I had to do this for a few months. For me, once the therapist saw that the overlap was very minimal she went ahead with the diagnosis and treatment

 

[PotatoMan]

The OP is confused. DXM has caused this episode of depersonalization. DXM is a Dissociative drug. There are Dissociative Disorders. C'mon, put 2 and 2 together and recognize that the drug's effects are that of a person with Dissociative disorder. Nothing feels real on this drug, ive done 3 times and each time my ego was shattered and the afterglow effects last strong for like 5 days and i still experience the afterglow that comes and goes 5 months after i took it. This drug definately is just screwing with your young mind. Hallucinogenic drugs should not be exposed to a person in the early stages of puberty but if you must then 17,18 go ahead. Your dxm binge and 'addiction' has created these demons that you fiend. Leave that godforsaken drug alone. Drugs are for the self-disciplined! Not the weak!!!

Sorry that im a year late but my recent interest in the Dissociative Disorders and me feeling like i experienced depersonalization with dxm before lead me here.

 

[caseface99]

When I was 16 and at the hight of my experimentation days using anything and everything I could get my hands on - I ended up convinced I was severely depersonalized as well as derealized.

Turned out that I just needed to stop using anything and everything I could get that would fuck me up...

Hop on over to the Sober Living section if ya want some help/advice getting sober. Otherwise, I wish you the best! If you aren't going to get clean at least try to tone back your using. If you MUST use try to stick mostly to the pot, mixing all the other substances in is for sure going to continue causing psychological symptoms you don't like. even just weed can cause a lot of these symptoms, but you're more likely to experience them with a cocktail of drugs.

 

[JarBag]

It's honestly really normal to feel self-conscious about everything at that age.. I wouldn't compare too much to being on DXM versus sobriety. And not caring and being confident or what have you is really normal with drugs, I used to compare to it sobriety, and I do a lot in all actuality, but eventually it can catch up to you and you'll be like.. "I'm only confident on drugs" and it feels less like the real you. But I know the feelin' mayne, I feel 'the real me' more on LSD and especially dissociatives! Dissociatives stabilize my mood (for awhile, ketamine doesn't make me unstable, it just runs out. ) The DXM afterglow is great, almost as good as the high itself especially once you lose the magic, but the days followed after can suck, reminds me of MDMA. I'm currently on a mood stabilizer that stabilizes my mood too much, I talked to my Dr. and she didn't feel comfortable lowering it so that sucks, I'll ask again. The depersonalization could possibly be psychosomatic, but I had a friend who abused it at your age a lot who is now in his 20s and he said he is almost positive he has a derealization/dissociative like outlook all the time due to that. Granted, he did them a fucking lot, I'd just be careful. I prefer the dissociative world over this one, even in low doses. But you kinda just have to take it.. (As in accept the life as is without drugs as much as it can seem to suck not 'take dxm'. lol) I used to never think I would run from problems when I first started using dxm because during the trip I would confront them, but I now realize although that is true a lot, it was primarily euphoric escapism. Good luck!

 

[Tude]

Nothing the OP has mentioned sounds like depersonalization. Let's get our definition right.

Depersonalization is when someone feels like they are not in their own body. They feel like they are watching themselves from third person. It's very strange and comes and goes. The OP's situation sounds pervasive. It sounds like the OP has confused "depersonalization" with "personality change."

OP, I can't say for sure, but it sounds like your drug use has caused your personality change. Weed has been known to cause lack of motivation. That being said, the lack of motivation, which is also a hallmark of depression, could've led you to try drugs in the first place. This is one of those "chicken or the egg" types of situations which introspection could help you to answer. So, what led you to drugs? Were you trying to mask something else or is this a case of experimentation gone awry?

I hope you find your answer and feel better soon. It goes without saying that you'd be better off consulting a doctor.

 

[Dawglaw]

De personalization is very nasty to deal with. I would advise complete sobriety until you are older and have more life experience.

Drugs can have profound negative effects on developing minds.

 

[sonicwhite]

You can look thru my past posts if you would like and see how I struggled with DXM At first it gave me so much energy and my relationship with God was too effected.....I would do it everyday for the whole summer of 2012 and did it like five times after I went into IP because I wanted off the stuff and I got caught stealing it at the DG. Well anyway....I got off of it and if I do it now it makes me very anxious.....Very out of touch.......I understand that DXM is fun but it has risks to it no matter what type of substance you use....I would suggest like you pointed out to go to therapy. And get in touch with a pdoc and nip this in the bud now....PM me if you would like to talk about faith....