• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Dunno what to do anymore

CbRoXiDe

CbRoXiDe

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
3,981
Location
under the stairs
Parents found out about my heroin use last weekend, they knew i'd taken it before as i've OD'ed last summer. But they've since thought i'd stopped.

They threw it back in my face when they found out i'd gone to score today, bragging about how they were 'right' about my using and look where I am. How they knew this is where i'd end up. Managed to convince them to let me stay at the house and went through days of feeling shit in WD's with all my exams coming up next fucking week. Many things where said at this time some of them really made me just want to go end it all, I was so close to just downing all my meth then drinking myself to death. They'd said they would of been better of if I would of just died last summer when I OD'd. That i'd ruined their lives, they want me gone forever.

So I fucked up again this weekend, all weekend i've been craving sooo bad, and I just needed a bag to get me to sleep and focus me so I can actually pass my exams but they end up following me in car and when i'm about to go in the house they pull up. Then everything has exploded again understandly I suppose, but they don't understand. My Dad even was going on about comparing fucking quitting smoking to being harder then stopping gear. Their lack of knowledge is ridiculous, it's hard. Why can't they understand that. I've been a week without, that surely is a start :(.

Never felt this bad in my entire life, makes me think it would of been better of if I would of died. Been close to death at least twice in the past year, maybe it really would of been better if i'd of died. I mean i'm not depressed or anything, I just think what is the point of life. Were all just living to die anyway. Meh :(.
 
Focus on the exam and ignore everything that is happening. Your exam should be your priority now.

When this is done, talk to your parents and tell them you may need help quitting. YES, they will be pissed off and in a way they have every right to. It is your option to take whatever you want and do whatever you want but there are good and bad options in life, unfortunately you've taken the dead end option and your parents are trying to make you aware of this. Respect this and look at the benefits that come with it, you save money, save your health for other worthwhile things - things that actually go some where, you end up leaving bad environments etc.
 
been here a few times myself.... just gotta weather the storm at times like these, and not lose sight of the bigger picture
 
wow sorry to hear that. At least you're in school! Sounds like you got potential.. Just an addiction problem. I think your parents should be more understanding.. don't get me wrong though I can understand why they're flipping a shit on you.. they're disgusted with your life choices. they're not addicts they don't understand.

I definitely agree with noonoo just put all your energy towards your exams that's number 1 priority. Good luck on your exams and everything else hope you are able to quit and get clean!
 
Yeah methadone. They've stole it out my room the remainder that I had left which I was planning on using for the next few days to get me through the exam tomorow and Wednesday.
 
I REALLY hate to hear that. Have you tried speaking rationally with them about the importance of having them at this time? Perhaps they would consider giving them to you in appropriate doses...
 
Yeah i've tried, but isn't looking good. But I feel alot better in myself today though. Been doing some revision and it all seems to of clicked tonight for the exam tomorow and I think i'm actually ready for it somehow, all the knowledge must of stuck there in my opiated brain somewhere! So that's a bonus, plus sent of loads of CV's today applying for jobs, hopefully they will see the effort i'm putting in trying to sort myself out once and for all. Fuck you opiates. Fuck you.
 
Just remember the sooner you sort out the issue the sooner you forget you ever had a problem. Also to give you a thumbs up, as you get older it is harder to solve some life problems, so do it now while the energy is still there.
 
Sorry to hear about your troubles. Keep up the good fight, though! Just remember; every struggle you go through in life, will define you in such a way that you'll be proud to be who you are. Take care

Tomer
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top