Hi everyone,
So both my bf and me and heavy drug users. He was first addicted to heroin then me ( none of this was his fault i chose for myself. ) ive done a bunch of shits in out 5 year old relationship im not proud of at all. When we first moved to the country we live in, we have had some issue with crack( we binged for weeks and weeks and weeks) we stopped after a while ( but see my previous post, short story i was stealing from his part of the drugs without. Saying anything while on crack, and it happened for a while before it was discovered) once this was let out i was still denying it, which caused him a panicc attack and i still did not say anything until the very end) this was about 3 yrs ago. From then, we were off and on with taking it, until a couple of weeks ago when we started again. Issue is since then he s super paranoid with everything which makes sense as i also act like ive done nothing. I am not a very okay person overall and id describe myself as preetty selfish. Now we are both withdrawing and we we were binging on crack, because we had pills as downers. I feel like i acted awfully towards him . He says i was acting shady( like putting the rocks in a certain way, moving my hand somehow) which i did not notice but i do not believe to be untrue. What my current issue is is that he thinks i m stealing from him when im not. We had a huge argument last night from which i understood that he does not want to share with me anymore besides other things. So this morning i told hom that and i also said that i feel bad that he gives me and rhen rubs it in my face. But i do somehow get it…. Im not acting nice towars him and how im withdrawing badly and aince im afucking drug addict i asked if i could buy some of his. Or to let our delear sell to le because i feel every muscle in my body aching. He provided a much getter solution however lyrica makes me feel like absolut shit im way too emotional and overal do not like it. He s was smoking in front of me, and it is true yesterday he told me to not smoke and i did it anywY. Now he came with the solution to take tramadol after a while if im not lying about not taking stimulabts in a while. Either that or either he leaves me…i do not have an issue with ot as long as it is not in the housen amd rn im in a room and he s in another and he s doing vrack… i know im a piece of shit and i deserver nothing for not being able to treat him right but i dont know what to do. Obv he s more important than drugs to me, but i cannot help myself when im arounf crack. Thats my only nemesis. Im withdrawing badly from heroin , but he mentioned it could be stimulated withdrawals. I do not feel like that because i have had stimulant withdrawls before and they were putely mental . My whole body aches, i sweat , and i shiver .
He did give me an ultimatum and logically speaking ofc imma choose him, but should it be like this? I keep hearing his lighter smoking all he has in the living room and my stomach gets tighten up. I love him to death but this isnt the relationship i wanna be in… how should i approach this better? I cannot control my urge for them as we spoke and he said he understood how bad it is. But it may be me but i do not feel understood at all. I am a very drifficult person, i admin that. And im also very shitty and selfish, but most things he acuses me off i have not done…
I have no clue how to make this work or how to approach it. The idea was to buy these for these days and then stop along with the H. He gave me half an hour to choose between him and my addiction . Of course its gonna be him, i really love him. I feel like he s a bit leas understandint than he thinks he is … and i m also difficulty. Mwan selfish and all these thinge amplifie of crack.
What should i do?
So both my bf and me and heavy drug users. He was first addicted to heroin then me ( none of this was his fault i chose for myself. ) ive done a bunch of shits in out 5 year old relationship im not proud of at all. When we first moved to the country we live in, we have had some issue with crack( we binged for weeks and weeks and weeks) we stopped after a while ( but see my previous post, short story i was stealing from his part of the drugs without. Saying anything while on crack, and it happened for a while before it was discovered) once this was let out i was still denying it, which caused him a panicc attack and i still did not say anything until the very end) this was about 3 yrs ago. From then, we were off and on with taking it, until a couple of weeks ago when we started again. Issue is since then he s super paranoid with everything which makes sense as i also act like ive done nothing. I am not a very okay person overall and id describe myself as preetty selfish. Now we are both withdrawing and we we were binging on crack, because we had pills as downers. I feel like i acted awfully towards him . He says i was acting shady( like putting the rocks in a certain way, moving my hand somehow) which i did not notice but i do not believe to be untrue. What my current issue is is that he thinks i m stealing from him when im not. We had a huge argument last night from which i understood that he does not want to share with me anymore besides other things. So this morning i told hom that and i also said that i feel bad that he gives me and rhen rubs it in my face. But i do somehow get it…. Im not acting nice towars him and how im withdrawing badly and aince im afucking drug addict i asked if i could buy some of his. Or to let our delear sell to le because i feel every muscle in my body aching. He provided a much getter solution however lyrica makes me feel like absolut shit im way too emotional and overal do not like it. He s was smoking in front of me, and it is true yesterday he told me to not smoke and i did it anywY. Now he came with the solution to take tramadol after a while if im not lying about not taking stimulabts in a while. Either that or either he leaves me…i do not have an issue with ot as long as it is not in the housen amd rn im in a room and he s in another and he s doing vrack… i know im a piece of shit and i deserver nothing for not being able to treat him right but i dont know what to do. Obv he s more important than drugs to me, but i cannot help myself when im arounf crack. Thats my only nemesis. Im withdrawing badly from heroin , but he mentioned it could be stimulated withdrawals. I do not feel like that because i have had stimulant withdrawls before and they were putely mental . My whole body aches, i sweat , and i shiver .
He did give me an ultimatum and logically speaking ofc imma choose him, but should it be like this? I keep hearing his lighter smoking all he has in the living room and my stomach gets tighten up. I love him to death but this isnt the relationship i wanna be in… how should i approach this better? I cannot control my urge for them as we spoke and he said he understood how bad it is. But it may be me but i do not feel understood at all. I am a very drifficult person, i admin that. And im also very shitty and selfish, but most things he acuses me off i have not done…
I have no clue how to make this work or how to approach it. The idea was to buy these for these days and then stop along with the H. He gave me half an hour to choose between him and my addiction . Of course its gonna be him, i really love him. I feel like he s a bit leas understandint than he thinks he is … and i m also difficulty. Mwan selfish and all these thinge amplifie of crack.
What should i do?
