Drugs fucking suck

Zephyn

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
2,054
Addiction and the myriad of mental health issues that come along with it is pure torture, and I haven't even been dope sick yet. Wish I had just stuck with psychedelics, which had their own side effects but nothing like meth/crack that ruined my brain/life from "brief" experimentation
 
Ah man, I'm so sorry to hear that.
I've caused my paraschizo to break out in psychosis during psychedelics abuse,
but have largely improved over the past 8 years of sobriety.

How old are you?
I'm sure you can repair your brain chemistry again over time. Might take a while, with me it certainly did, and methamphetamines & crack have a much larger effect on the brain ofc, but I'm pretty positive it can be restored, or at least mended

Hang in there, man, I know how it feels to think you have ruined your own life forever
 
Addiction and the myriad of mental health issues that come along with it is pure torture, and I haven't even been dope sick yet. Wish I had just stuck with psychedelics, which had their own side effects but nothing like meth/crack that ruined my brain/life from "brief" experimentation
You won't be broken for life, even if you insist on it, if you just take a long enough break from all drugs. It is super important for every human being to be okay living that way, and I am exasperated by you and some other bluelighters who seem to think that is a traumatic or at least tragic outcome. Do not forget, that there was a time even in your own life, before you used mind altering substances, and you somehow survived it.
 
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Dope sickness is temporary, you will get better eventually. I'm feeling pretty shit lately myself.
 
Addiction and the myriad of mental health issues that come along with it is pure torture, and I haven't even been dope sick yet. Wish I had just stuck with psychedelics, which had their own side effects but nothing like meth/crack that ruined my brain/life from "brief" experimentation
I feel you man. I wish I'd stopped at LSD.
 
You won't be broken for life, even if you insist on it, if you just take a long enough break from all drugs. It is super important for every human being to be okay living that way, and I am exasperated by you and some other bluelighters who seem to think that is a traumatic or at least tragic outcome. Do not forget, that there was a time even in your own life, before you used mind altering substances, and you somehow survived it.
Yeah i was 15.
 
You won't be broken for life, even if you insist on it, if you just take a long enough break from all drugs. It is super important for every human being to be okay living that way, and I am exasperated by you and some other bluelighters who seem to think that is a traumatic or at least tragic outcome. Do not forget, that there was a time even in your own life, before you used mind altering substances, and you somehow survived it.
I don't know if I have it in me. I can go 3, 4 days, maybe a week tho even those im huffing thc like its gasoline. Weed I've decided is only exception for now, but even that I can't get by. I go a week MISERABLE before I crack. And its seriously effecting my ability to focus at work, this new job actually being up my ally (fuck c++ TF is way more my style). I've done enough 30-90 day patient rehabs that I know after 90 days of abstinence I still feel like garbage.
 
TF? Terraform?

Yeah i was 15.
Not quite, and so you are missing my point I think. You were 15 when you ended that lifestyle. If we count from infancy, you have actually survived most of your life in a state you now think you "don't have in me". I would argue, that being drug free is your natural state, and that like a certain friend of mine struggling with meth addiction, your current reliance on data your gathered from entirely drug addled perspectives is making it impossible for you to fix and accept that as a fact, or any data that would support it and lead you to conclude that eventually.

Look, you will feel like this as long as you insist on going it alone. Bluelight, or at least the forums here that I navigate, consume, and contribute to, might not be the best place to find the support you need to get past where you are at. That kind of support is also not going to be found in any rehab program or facility, which are by nature, time limited resources that are very limited in other ways. You need to find other people, who like you, couldn't make it for more than a day at first, but stuck with it, got to three or four, still stuck with it, and are now six months clean and sober. Even more so, the people with a year or more living a life that was over and done for. They will, if you listen, testify to you further, and you will hear some that are more hopeless, tragic, and impossible to recover from, than even you say yours is. When you find them, and there are millions of them, when you are ready to meet these people and hear their addiction and recovery stories, they will almost literally shine to you. Practically psychedelically.
 
TF? Terraform?


Not quite, and so you are missing my point I think. You were 15 when you ended that lifestyle. If we count from infancy, you have actually survived most of your life in a state you now think you "don't have in me". I would argue, that being drug free is your natural state, and that like a certain friend of mine struggling with meth addiction, your current reliance on data your gathered from entirely drug addled perspectives is making it impossible for you to fix and accept that as a fact, or any data that would support it and lead you to conclude that eventually.

Look, you will feel like this as long as you insist on going it alone. Bluelight, or at least the forums here that I navigate, consume, and contribute to, might not be the best place to find the support you need to get past where you are at. That kind of support is also not going to be found in any rehab program or facility, which are by nature, time limited resources that are very limited in other ways. You need to find other people, who like you, couldn't make it for more than a day at first, but stuck with it, got to three or four, still stuck with it, and are now six months clean and sober. Even more so, the people with a year or more living a life that was over and done for. They will, if you listen, testify to you further, and you will hear some that are more hopeless, tragic, and impossible to recover from, than even you say yours is. When you find them, and there are millions of them, when you are ready to meet these people and hear their addiction and recovery stories, they will almost literally shine to you. Practically psychedelically.
Unfortunately I really don't like the dogma or design of the 12 step modality and can't find too many alternatives. Post covid they should start open back up. Trust me I've been to plenty of meetings, I just can't bring myself to even reach out for numbers/contacts and usually rush out when meeting is over, yes terraform
 
The problem here is debilitating ptsd and anxiety and depression, likely from the ptsd. I am going to force myself to begin jogging soon which I was hoping the low dose 2cb could give me the energy I need to get started. Have you heard of RSS? IME, its very real I just discovered it yesterday and it is exactly all my issues
 
The problem here is debilitating ptsd and anxiety and depression, likely from the ptsd. I am going to force myself to begin jogging soon which I was hoping the low dose 2cb could give me the energy I need to get started. Have you heard of RSS? IME, its very real I just discovered it yesterday and it is exactly all my issues
Um, either you are making the lamest attempt ever made to troll me, or you are not talking about Russell-Silver.

I am half sloshed, so I have to assume, I clairvoyantly responded to your ptsd deflection in another thread that we are back and forthing this stuff again on.
 
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Um, either you are making the lamest attempt ever made to troll me, or you are not talking about Russell-Silver. I mean, I have never seen you, so it is possible you were a premie, barely survived childhood without therapeutic feeding, and you are possibly of average intelligence, avoiding the mental retardation many of the afflicted present. Your head could be noticeably too large for your body, which is not much more than five feet tall now fully grown, and which is also asymmetrical across your median, your arms and legs on one side noticeably larger than the other, and the digits at the ends of those commonly have other abnormalities including webbing between the fingers and toes. That is just what I can should be seeing from here, my hypochondriac, I mean RSS afflicted friend. You will have to tell me if one of your testes never descended, if you want to I mean, kinda personal information I suppose.

I am half sloshed, so I have to assume, I clairvoyantly responded to your ptsd deflection in another thread that we are back and forthing this stuff again on.
I mean, you've been trying to convince me I don't have a mental illness and I think at this point, I do. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_trauma_syndrome

I don't like to bring this up but I've been sexually assaulted 4 times in 3 years, each progressively worse. I'm "over it", at least over talking about it so much. But if you read the symptoms there especially the psychosomatic ones, I think its a good explanation. Unfortunately, there's no treatment other than time or therapy.


As for the cross thread interference im on benzos right now so not functioning the hottest but its something I could work on in general, my apologies
 
I mean, you've been trying to convince me I don't have a mental illness and I think at this point, I do. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_trauma_syndrome

I don't like to bring this up but I've been sexually assaulted 4 times in 3 years, each progressively worse. I'm "over it", at least over talking about it so much. But if you read the symptoms there especially the psychosomatic ones, I think its a good explanation. Unfortunately, there's no treatment other than time or therapy.


As for the cross thread interference im on benzos right now so not functioning the hottest but its something I could work on in general, my apologies
Let's agree that we agree this time, at least in an important way. At no point have I disabused you of the notion that you probably suffer from PTSD or c-PTSD, in fact I may have had to use it at times to pull you away from non-psychological theories you proposed.

Read the criticisms from your source on RTS again, and please think critically about a couple of fulcrums, if you would.

One is, what is the utility of "being a victim" in the case of RTS, or to put it another way, is it important that you have this as your diagnosis because it is a valid non-drug use explanation for a large array of symptoms that align with yours?

The other is, maybe you are, but if not, what if you look at it as a medical practitioner might look at a medical diagnosis? Are you favoring RTS because it provides a clear prognosis and explains an effective and feasible treatment for a disorder with matching symptoms?

A criticism of rape trauma syndrome as currently conceptualized is that it delegitimizes a person's reaction to rape by describing their coping mechanisms, including their rational attempts to struggle through, survive the pain of sexual assault, and to adapt to a violent world, as symptoms of disorder. People who installed locks and purchased security devices, took self-defense classes, carried mace, changed residence, and expressed anger at the criminal justice system, for example, were characterized as exhibiting pathological symptoms and "adjustment difficulties". According to this criticism, RTS removes a person's pain and anger from their social and political context, attributing a person's anguish, humiliation, anger, and despair after being raped to a disorder caused by the actions of the rapist, rather than to, say, insensitive treatment by the police, examining physicians, and the judicial system; or to family reactions permeated with rape mythology.

Another criticism is that the literature on RTS constructs rape survivors as passive, disordered victims, even though much of the behavior that serves as the basis for RTS could be considered the product of strength. Words like "fear" are replaced with words like "phobia", with its connotations of irrationality.

Criticisms of the scientific validity of the RTS construct are that it is vague in important details; it is unclear what its boundary conditions are; it uses unclear terms that do not have a basis in psychological science; it fails to specify key quantitative relationships; it has not undergone subsequent scientific evaluation since the 1974 Burgess and Holstrom study; there are theoretical allegiance effects; it has not achieved a consensus in the field; it is not falsifiable; it ignores possible mediators; it is not culturally sensitive; and it is not suitable for being used to infer that rape has or has not occurred. PTSD has been described as a superior model since unlike RTS, empirical examination of the of the PTSD model has been extensive, both conceptually and empirically.
Ultimately, it is up to your therapist, what she thinks your mental health diagnosis is. And, it is up to you what diagnosis you identify with and your reasons why. Mental health diagnoses are, as a whole, mostly malarky, and each conflicting version of the DSM that is published, is designed to provide insurance companies a way to bill for mental health services in a way that resembles medical billing. No mental health diagnosis comes with a clear procedure for treatment, as no mental health condition is the same as any other, and vary exactly with every individual.

If I had to pick one for you, in my opinion of what is in your best interests, I would avoid RTS and go with PTSD or c-PTSD, because I think the way RTS is presented creates a comfortable illusion for you. Which is, it portrays what may be drug-induced symptoms you have as something different: psychosomatic symptoms you are afflicted with, because you are a victim of rape. I don't know that there is a definitive way to tell, besides trying abstinence, and I don't think it matters to argue my point, as I think in any case a therapist is going to advise you to do that anyways. In any case, maybe you can see for yourself, how much less empowering the RTS diagnosis is, as well as the lack of utilities: there is no efficacy known for treating it, as there is no clearly defined treatment for it, my principal problem with it even if I submit to thinking any mental health diagnosis is very useful for overcoming a mental health crisis or condition.
 
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@ControlDaddy TDS isn't the place for calling people hypochondriac's, or trying to convince people that they aren't sick. Only post here if you are unequivocally offering support. I will edit your post.
 
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