xbloodwhipx
Bluelighter
Well, i guess i should just start from the. beginning. Im 18, i started using drugs for the most part 2 years ago. Well like early 2011. Ive used such a wide amount of pills that i cant even tell you all of them. Ive done heroin now, ive done meth, E, dmt cocaine shrooms dxm alcohol marijuana. Anyway, i was a pretty mentally heathy person in 2010. Always pretty healthy, not depressed or anxious, depersonalized.
In early 2011 i got the living shit beat out of me. I noticed on the way back from the ER i kept zoning out. I had a severe concussion, broken nose, i started to feel like i was on auto pilot. I didnt think much about it, it wasnt that bad then. A month later, it was a little worse, plus i was getting anxious from it. I met a dealer completely accidently and started using drugs to cope with the anxiety basically, once a week if i felt like it. It was just a little escape. This went on until like october of 2011, i started getting really fucking weird OCD or irrational fears, about going blind. It sounds stupid, but i though about it constantly. My benzo use went way up in like november because of this, i started doing xanax all of the time. I didnt get "hooked" on it. I did take like 1mg a day for 2 months. I got some minor withdrawals, in january i missed the 1mg (i just forgot to take it) and i noticed the ocd was gone when i realized i hadnt taken my xanax or though about going blind.
So, started to use opiates. A lot, for fun. Like 2 times a week. I used other drugs, like weed, alcohol, lyrica tramadol adderall and all of that stuff a lot too. Everyday i would get high on something different. I kept doing this, until now. I dont actually use "everyday" but i go through phases where i use everyday. I do use every week no matter what. I smoke weed everyday. Im not hooked on anything, im hooked on getting high in general. I think about drugs, all of the time. I used heroin the first time january. It was a few days after new years. I Frikken binged on roxies on new years. I was hanging out with a friend (who deals) who pulled out atleast 300 dollars worth of roxy 30's and told me i could have 10 of them. I snorted 60mg new years morning. Got drunk new years, did 60mg roxie the next morning, 60mg that night. The next day i was going to leave, he gave me a little bag of H. He advised if i wanted to use it, i should smoke it. I Smoked it the next day.
Anyway, now i dont feel like me. Im never happy, im always craving drugs, i feel like im on autopiolet all of the time. Its like living in a constant panic attack, I cant think correctly, i have suicidal thoughs all of the fucking time and i dont fucking understand why the fuck i ever decided to use drugs in the first place.
So id really like to know, what would you do in my situation? Do you think i have some kind of brain damage from being beat up so badly? It did all start then... could it be PTSD? Am i using drugs to cope or are they the cause?
I know you guys arent doctors, but should i go get a brain scan?
Ty for any help.
In early 2011 i got the living shit beat out of me. I noticed on the way back from the ER i kept zoning out. I had a severe concussion, broken nose, i started to feel like i was on auto pilot. I didnt think much about it, it wasnt that bad then. A month later, it was a little worse, plus i was getting anxious from it. I met a dealer completely accidently and started using drugs to cope with the anxiety basically, once a week if i felt like it. It was just a little escape. This went on until like october of 2011, i started getting really fucking weird OCD or irrational fears, about going blind. It sounds stupid, but i though about it constantly. My benzo use went way up in like november because of this, i started doing xanax all of the time. I didnt get "hooked" on it. I did take like 1mg a day for 2 months. I got some minor withdrawals, in january i missed the 1mg (i just forgot to take it) and i noticed the ocd was gone when i realized i hadnt taken my xanax or though about going blind.
So, started to use opiates. A lot, for fun. Like 2 times a week. I used other drugs, like weed, alcohol, lyrica tramadol adderall and all of that stuff a lot too. Everyday i would get high on something different. I kept doing this, until now. I dont actually use "everyday" but i go through phases where i use everyday. I do use every week no matter what. I smoke weed everyday. Im not hooked on anything, im hooked on getting high in general. I think about drugs, all of the time. I used heroin the first time january. It was a few days after new years. I Frikken binged on roxies on new years. I was hanging out with a friend (who deals) who pulled out atleast 300 dollars worth of roxy 30's and told me i could have 10 of them. I snorted 60mg new years morning. Got drunk new years, did 60mg roxie the next morning, 60mg that night. The next day i was going to leave, he gave me a little bag of H. He advised if i wanted to use it, i should smoke it. I Smoked it the next day.
Anyway, now i dont feel like me. Im never happy, im always craving drugs, i feel like im on autopiolet all of the time. Its like living in a constant panic attack, I cant think correctly, i have suicidal thoughs all of the fucking time and i dont fucking understand why the fuck i ever decided to use drugs in the first place.
So id really like to know, what would you do in my situation? Do you think i have some kind of brain damage from being beat up so badly? It did all start then... could it be PTSD? Am i using drugs to cope or are they the cause?
I know you guys arent doctors, but should i go get a brain scan?
Ty for any help.
