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Drugs almost got me killed

R

Rodeobaby

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 14, 2016
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10
Long story short, I got tramadol for back injuries, doc lost license and had to find new one. Couldn find tamadol doc. I didnt want anything stoner cause I have 2 toddlers that need me to take care of them. I couldntbget tram for a while so my husband got a sub. It helped with pain and I didnt get loaded from it. Few months of taking it he couldnt get me one. I was sick and had 2 kids and a life to stilll go on. I tied getting a ub but nobody could get one. Not even my heroin addict sister. My friend said he had something for me and it was dope. I never touched it before but I was sick and needed relief. I did it a few times over months when I was sick but didn't get high from it. My husband was an alcoholic, I had no vehicle of my own he took it tl work sl I rode my horse to store with my kids to get thing. I got the post partum depression and with no vehicle I was going crazy. He didnt do anything with kids. He woke up around 4 on wknds and would make noise on our farm waking kids up. I got tired of doing everything on my own. My back pain was worse and had a few incidents with him. He has put me in the hospital a dozn times. I got hooked on dope cause it made my days easier. After a while of not using it cause I couldnt get tramdol I as sick one time and he knew. Hw wantd to fuck but I felt no emotional connection to him. He got mad and snatched my phone started going though it I asked for it back I didnt have anything in ther and he flipped. He grabbed me threw me against the toilet, I felt something crack in my back. I got up bea us e he locked the door. I starte banging yelling kicking I was determined to get out my kis were on the other ide screaming dont hurt my mommy.. got the door open and he throws me on floor steps on me pulls my arm behind my back like cops do and then drug me to the front door. All while my kids ar re ther crying terrified. He opned door and drug me down the stairs, into the drive way. It was pouring. Ill never forget the smell of blood on the asphalt. I was in so much pain my knees and shins wer ripped from the pavement. He drug me to the back of the truck and got chains from the bed. I scremed bloody fucking murder. Our farm is a but over 100 acres and we have no neighbors. My kids were still screaming and I remembe telling my girl mommy was okay. He tried hooking me to the hitch he was going to drag me. I would have died a slow painful death. In front of my kids and all because I was a junkie as he said. Before he got the chance to a lady pulled into driveway and he grabbed me picked up and told me stop crying. She saved my life. She heard me screaming. I remember putting babies in bed and went in shower, he came in while I cleaned my cuts and said stop faking it I didnt hurt you. I think he felt bad later because he got the kids started crying and said I didn't mean to hurt mama im sorry look what I did. I broke my knee cap, had horrible road rash. My right leg is scared it looks awful. I still have a mark around my ankle from the rope. I did all this to myslf. If I never touched it I wouldnt have gone through that. My kids will probably forget that but I wont. Unfortunately I am not clean. I avent touched dope in a year but I still take suboxone when I cant fill my tramadol. I jusy want you to know that you can kick your habit. You can get through it. Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyways. Dont give up because I didnt. I know I will be okay . Thisis a fight you can win.
 
Rodeobaby- welcome to Bluelight! I agree with Felonious Monk - drugs didn't do this to you. What is your current situation...are you still living with your husband? If you are please make it a priority to get both you and the children away from him. He is very dangerous and the violence will likely escalate. You said he is an alcoholic - the drinking will continue to progress as well which also means the violence will continue to escalate. I say this as a recovery alcoholic, I drank for seventeen years and the final straw was when one evening in blackout I lashed out at my geriatric mother and verbally assisted her and then pushed her. I was also dating an alcoholic man and within a couple of months he went from smacking me in the face to breaking into my house and grabbing me out of bed and beating me up. It does not get better, and he won't get sober until he is ready to do so. Odds are you also won't get sober until you change your environment as you are living with a lot of unnecessary stress.

Ideally both you and your children should leave him and also get into counseling, and the sooner the better. What you children have witnessed is absolutely traumatic (not your fault) and they need to work with a professional to reconcile the trauma so they don't carry that pain and fear with them as trauma left to fester causes problems later in life. If you haven't done so already, leave him. Your life is in immediate danger.

ETA- this is a duplicate thread. OP also posted same thread in TDS - will UA this one. Felonious Monk responded to that one with the same answer.
 
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Drugs had nothing to do with this, and I'm sorry you probably can't see that. Your abusive husband did that, so if you're going to blame a drug you should blame alcohol. Although I'd argue alcohol isn't the culprit, but rather your pos husband. I seriously hope your not with him anymore.
 
I thought I replied but I dont see them, its very complicated I am still married to him and live with him. He was a completely different man from the one I fell in love with. And even though hes sa ago and done thins I still forgive and love him. Hes the father of my precious children. I cant hate him even if I tried.
 
This thread gave me chills. Goodluck to you OP. Be safe. But... if that wasn't a wake-up call (regarding what kind of monster your husband is..), I don't know what will be.. death?

Another thing to think about:

Did the drugs make your husband abuse you? Or did you start abusing drugs to cope with your husband's abuse?

And I apologize if you feel I'm passing judgement on you. I really do feel for you. I hope you and your children are safe... and will be safe in the future.
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
This thread gave me chills. Goodluck to you OP. Be safe. But... if that wasn't a wake-up call (regarding what kind of monster your husband is..), I don't know what will be.. death?

Another thing to think about:

Did the drugs make your husband abuse you? Or did you start abusing drugs to cope with your husband's abuse?

And I apologize if you feel I'm passing judgement on you. I really do feel for you. I hope you and your children are safe... and will be safe in the future.
Click to expand...

I had similar questions and can't help but to feel drugs are now a coping mechanism.


theredgiant said:
This story is almost as bizarre as this grammar
Click to expand...

I think a lot of the grammar issues are the result of autocorrect. Autocorrect and opiates don't always combine well for readability.
 
Rodeo...LEAVE. for the sake of the kids, leave. Stop allowing this to happen, go to a shelter. It gets worse, trust me, and your kids will be traumatized forever, and you will get hurt worse.
 
Report this to the police. If this happpened he was attempting murder. You sound like you have severe cognitive distortions and I really hope you seek therapy.
 
getting off of dope is a step in the right direction. i think the only reason you posted this is as a cry for help....that lunatic is going to kill you or one of your kids
 
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