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drug free 1 month

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OpiumDesireOrWill1

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 17, 2017
Messages
15
So,now I have stayed clean 30 days. I was pretty heavy tramadol user,about 18 months 400-1000mg/day,also benzos pretty much every day..but not much though.

My wake up call came when I had 600mg lyrica,1200mg gababentin,40mg oxy,300mg codeine,6mg clonazepam and 400mg tramadol. I went driving and crashed with another car,luckily no one got hurt and police didn't come. Then I continued driving,probably went to buy more drugs..I hit sidewalk and had flat tire,next thing I know I woke up 6 hours later in my car at some gas station where I had passed out car doors open.

My girlfriend obviously was worried to death,then I decided that that's it.

I can tell you that the withdrawals were PURE HELL,but I deserved it. Only medication I had to go through WD's was propral...luckily I got sick leave from work 5 weeks,I would never ever could have gone to work...or anywhere else!

Now I am on Bubrion (voxra here) 150mg/day,and I really think it helps,gives me energy and makes me happy. I hope I can stay away from drugs..they are very easy to get here..but I'm fighting the urge with the help of my awesome girlfriend!

So,I'll be updating how this process goes,thanks to all bluelighters,you guys truly are good people :)

-OpiumDesireOrWill1-
 
Good job on 30 days! Its a huge accomplishment.

I don't agree that you deserve the horrendous w/d. Being addicted is enough punishment.

I have been through w/d more times than I could possibly count and 2 very traumatic cold-turkey detoxes. It earned me nothing. And I'm lucky I didn't die. Seriously.

Be proud of yourself! Well done. :)
 
A little update, I had a little slipup about week ago, I crashed my car pretty good,and after the accident was feeling anxiety...not pain,just anxiety..and did 200mg of tramadol and 20mg of oxy. Damn I was buzzing, long time without any opiates (about 45days) so my tolerance was LOW

It was difficult not to repeat the same thing next day because of how good it made me feel...but I didn't and I'm so happy for that. Don't really have cravings for opiates, which is weird,because after the worst wd's was over,I thought I'd be screaming to get opiates.

Now I'm on Voxra 150mg/day and Temazepam 20mg for sleep if needed,I take it about 1-2 times a week,so I would say things are looking good :)
 
Well the details don't really matter, so maybe I shouldn't have posted the plan here,but it is happening nevertheless.

I will be dead next month.
 
It is not the numbness or sadness I've been feeling a long time now, I can deal with that. It is the nothingness I look and feel when I open my eyes.

I absolutely do not feel anything anymore, I know that I have now entered a stage 5 in my depression, and from there one isn't coming back. If I would have the energy or any interest to do anything, I would write my book: "Clinical Depression:5 stages",but I'm empty.

I have been depressed years now, longer than I even knew myself, and according to my studies, depression ALWAYS proceeds the same way, the same 5 stages although the stages are not identical because we all are individuals,but the end result is the same.

My reference group is what I call "the zero people", not because they are zero so to speak but because they are healthy people, they are not depressed although everybody feels depressed from time to time but as we know, that is a part of life and you'll bounce back to normal in no time.

I have written down my thought and observations about these 5 stages for about 2 years, I do have the material to turn it into what I think an interesting study, but I dont think I'll have the energy to make anything out of it.

I'll probably write some of here, at least the part how to help people in stages 1-3 because IF they are to be saved, it happens in those stages. Coming back from 4 & 5 is if not impossible HIGHLY unlikely.
 
Unlikely, you just said it yourself, you can come back from this man. It's going to be hard as hell, trust me I know, I've suffered depression for years as well, but giving up isn't the answer.
 
Well I am still here..my plans hasn't changed though. Maybe I posted this in the wrong topic, but I didn't post it to feel sorry for myself or to get taps on the back,don't get me wrong, I am not arrogant or martyr or anything like that.

It actually feels pretty calm right now,calm and clear now that I do know what is about to happen, I am not afraid or having second thoughts about it. When I was in stages 3 & 4 of my depression, I thought about killing myself but deep down knew I was never going to follow it through, but now for the first time in a long time, I am 100% about something and having very calm and collective thought about it.

People can and should be helped when they are suicidal though, and this is a great forum for those that THINK they have lost all hope, and for me too, people seem to be very caring and concerned here for real.

I don't know wheter I should write here or not, but if any questions appear, I will answer them.
 
I?m in the same boat.
Only thing keeping me from going through with it is the thought of what it would do to those that care for me. They are there even though we might not think it.
Depression is the ugliest beast I have ever met. It will make you think and do things that aren?t rational when you and others need us to be rational the most. Nothing is worth taking your own life.
I lost my dad Thursday and along with him went half or more of me. I?m pushing on but not the way I should be. Prayers for u my friend and if u would like to talk to me I am here for u. Idk how to do pms or anything like that but I want u to know that I know your pain. Things WILL get easier/better for us all.
 
Yeah, for me there's only one "technical" thing that I have to wait,about 3 weeks and I'll be on the other side, maybe I'll see Jim Morrison there...or not.

It's very weird feeling right now, it's not happiness...but a similar feeling.
 
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