Recovery Drug dreams

[JessFR]

Sooo, I've been off heroin for a little over 2 years now. It's gotten to the point where it's not unusual for me to not think about my old life back when I was using.

I still think about drugs, but I don't think as much about my old life of running around with my using partner at the time, trying to get money, waiting to score, shooting up, etc.

Except in my dreams. Very frequently in my dreams I'll be right back in that point in my life. He will be there (I haven't seen him in a couple years). And it will be like the last 2 years since never happened.

I know a lot of people experience dreams about using in recovery, but does it ever stop? Or get less frequent?

It's not even just this, I frequently have dreams about bad times in my life even if I don't think about them much in my waking life. As if my subconscious is thinking about them a lot more than my conscious.

Sometimes I wonder if a part of it is feeling regret about leaving my partner. We were together for years, having each other's back. Working on getting money together. Using together. I didn't want to leave, but things had gotten so bad and there was no way I'd have been able to stop and still have him in my life.

I dunno, I just find it strange that the theme of these dreams isn't simply using drugs. It's being back 2 years ago, with him, and using drugs. Rather than say, relapsing and using drugs today.

I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get out of posting this. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone here can relate to the kinda thing I'm talking about

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

I dunno, I just find it strange that the theme of these dreams isn't simply using drugs. It's being back 2 years ago, with him, and using drugs. Rather than say, relapsing and using drugs today

Maybe the dreams aren't about the use of dope.
Maybe it's about the partner and the only connection was to the use of dope.
Maybe try to find this former partner?
If half-way clean maybe ya'll can make these associations turn from sh** to sugar.
I have dreams and they do freak me out a bit after some time clean. At first I felt like I had fucked up again and need to repent as necessary. Now (after many decades of use/abuse) I see it as a free buz but they don't come any more. Maybe it's because I cannot stay clean long enough?

 

[JessFR]

No I think finding him would be a terrible idea. We just weren't good for each other. Being together just meant we both used more and were more easily able to justify doing shitty things for money.

Don't get me wrong, I've thought about it many times. I miss him. But unfortunately there's no way us being together won't make things worse.

If we weren't both junkies it'd be fine. But we are, and in hindsight I can see how we were both very bad for each other.

 

[Isnortice91]

Just be glad these dreams have no psychological effect . On Halloween of 2019 I had , had a dream that Darth Vader was saying my name and was telling me that I'm going to relapse on meth so I should come to the dark side. Was very scary dream. I ended up relapsing the very next morning.

 

[MJ420]

I'm at 25mg of methadone from 100mg and free from heroin for 2 years and I still dream of my ex. We ended badly and like you we were junkies together. I still miss him and when I dream of him drugs are there because that's what we did.
I think it's because I still love him but like you i know we're awful for each other so it could never happen.
I hope my dreams stop soon because they do make me miss those days somewhat

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I have "using dreams" this relates more to OCD neurology/pathology I believe. The inability to use is often the epic middle you never get to use it's just a sick path to trying to and you never get to. If you do, you don't get high like at all because IT'S A VERY BAD DREAM and you realize it's a dream... and you are like "aw..." so you sit still and wait to wake up because sleep is utter hell. And then you wake up hating how you feel and have to balance that out. But that also extends into PTSD too.. 8(

fun right. Sometimes it's not even the "drug of desire" that my sober brain would be recklessly seeking out. 8(

 

[JessFR]

I actually have gotten high in dreams and... It did feel surprisingly realistic.

But most of the time when I have these dreams they involve trying to get drugs, the dream usually ends before I can use them.

Often seemingly only seconds before I can use them.

It's never any other drug though, it's never even another opioid. It's always heroin.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

If it felt realistic then how do you know you were dreaming

 

[JessFR]

Because I woke up.

 

[Jabberwocky]

i'm not as far into recovery as you, but one thing i've noticed is drug dreams increase when i'm stressed and anxious. when i first got clean i had them every night for like nearly 6 months, then they almost completely stopped. then my life went to shit and they came back with a vengeance and were quite distressing, now my life is better i haven't had one in a little while.

i guess what i'm asking is- have you noticed any patterns with drug dreams and your mental health when you're awake?

 

[JessFR]

i'm not as far into recovery as you, but one thing i've noticed is drug dreams increase when i'm stressed and anxious. when i first got clean i had them every night for like nearly 6 months, then they almost completely stopped. then my life went to shit and they came back with a vengeance and were quite distressing, now my life is better i haven't had one in a little while.

i guess what i'm asking is- have you noticed any patterns with drug dreams and your mental health when you're awake?

No actually, not really.

They seem to happen with no obvious trigger. And sometimes they'll become more frequent for a while, then less frequent for a while.

That said, I have a similar experience awake too. I can manage to not think about drugs as much for a little while, then suddenly start thinking about it a lot more. Frequently for no obvious reason. And it doesn't always overlap. I mean dream about it more but think about it less awake, and vice versa.

In addition I have other dreams, particularly ones related to trauma, that will often start happening for a while for no obvious reason and in spite of not actually thinking about it much awake.

It's weird.