SangerRainsford
Bluelighter
This is basically a theory I've been working on for a bit in regards to some personal issues.
I know very well the physiological issues behind drug addiction, the ways we do treatment (in the US anyways), and how abysmal the recovery rates can be (especially opioids - only a couple people out of a hundred will remain abstinent from opioids once they detox/quit a taper/maintenance drug. Repeat: IF YOU WERE ADDICTED TO OPIOIDS, AND DO NOT TAKE A MAINTENANCE DRUG, ODDS ARE YOU NOW HAVE A LIFELONG ADDICTION/DISEASE/PROBLEM/WHATEVER.)
Here's the theory I've been unable to get out of my head as to why this could be the case, or at least a part of it.
I was on very heavy levels of certain narcotics for some years, and as you're all likely to know, that brings on many issues with stopping the usage. I'm currently not using, as I've stopped seeing my doctor and don't want to go back, however I'm realizing that I believe a good part of the problem is that, without drugs, I barely know what to do (in a way - poorly worded, sorry).
By this, I mean that, once addicted, one is very likely to have spent years:
- losing their "good", productive friends
- alienating themselves from their family
- making their life based around the drugs, including but not limited to, the acquisition of the drugs, rarely associating with those who don't use, etc
- watching previous life-goals and ambitions essentially blow away, as all that matters is maintaining a chemical-level of the substance of choice.
SOOOooo, when trying to get off - for instance, I'm able to piss clean for a test if I ever had to - WTF does one do??? I'm finding that, after years "digging myself into a hole", it practically seems there's no real "me" anymore aside from what I'd created. You can ruin so much with an addiction, but when you try to beat it, it seems there's little to fill the void.
At this point I cannot chill with my friends and don't want to, most are users. My non-using friends, well, I've alienated myself from almost all of them. My resume's gone down the tubes so work is a bitch. With all the assets lost during using, it's hard to get things going again.
So, here I sit, wanting desperately to "get on with life", but I cannot find anywhere to start. Seeing the friends I have from this area will put me back with junkies. Given all the things lost during active addiction, I have little to use to "go forward" with. I'm sitting here right now, I do not want to use. I could, but I don't have a desire to, despite how easily and quickly I could. The problem is my life, friends, circumstances, they're all geared towards being an addict, so even after working with the drug-dependency issue, I'm finding myself in a position where, short of just going back to using, I can barely find anything else to do!!!!
I'm really wondering how many people fall back into drug addiction simply because they cannot find another avenue to pursue :/
This is just something I've been rolling around, as I'm in a position where I just want back to my old, 'regular' life, but I'm stuck here in limbo between being an addict or being a "good boy", and while I know how to easily go back to being an addict, I'm barely able to find a thing that allows me to be a "good boy". I can see how this absence of "good boy" options would make many people fall back into addiction, despite having been able to steer clear of it, as they simply don't know anything but the drug-world after being entrenched for so many years.
Any thoughts are appreciated, I'd love to hear more on this. If there's responses on this specific aspect of addiction-recovery, I have a lot more to show/source/reference on this "lifestyle" problem inherent to many addicts/ex-addicts, I'll put much more up (with links) if there's any thoughtful comments/ideas on this %)
I know very well the physiological issues behind drug addiction, the ways we do treatment (in the US anyways), and how abysmal the recovery rates can be (especially opioids - only a couple people out of a hundred will remain abstinent from opioids once they detox/quit a taper/maintenance drug. Repeat: IF YOU WERE ADDICTED TO OPIOIDS, AND DO NOT TAKE A MAINTENANCE DRUG, ODDS ARE YOU NOW HAVE A LIFELONG ADDICTION/DISEASE/PROBLEM/WHATEVER.)
Here's the theory I've been unable to get out of my head as to why this could be the case, or at least a part of it.
I was on very heavy levels of certain narcotics for some years, and as you're all likely to know, that brings on many issues with stopping the usage. I'm currently not using, as I've stopped seeing my doctor and don't want to go back, however I'm realizing that I believe a good part of the problem is that, without drugs, I barely know what to do (in a way - poorly worded, sorry).
By this, I mean that, once addicted, one is very likely to have spent years:
- losing their "good", productive friends
- alienating themselves from their family
- making their life based around the drugs, including but not limited to, the acquisition of the drugs, rarely associating with those who don't use, etc
- watching previous life-goals and ambitions essentially blow away, as all that matters is maintaining a chemical-level of the substance of choice.
SOOOooo, when trying to get off - for instance, I'm able to piss clean for a test if I ever had to - WTF does one do??? I'm finding that, after years "digging myself into a hole", it practically seems there's no real "me" anymore aside from what I'd created. You can ruin so much with an addiction, but when you try to beat it, it seems there's little to fill the void.
At this point I cannot chill with my friends and don't want to, most are users. My non-using friends, well, I've alienated myself from almost all of them. My resume's gone down the tubes so work is a bitch. With all the assets lost during using, it's hard to get things going again.
So, here I sit, wanting desperately to "get on with life", but I cannot find anywhere to start. Seeing the friends I have from this area will put me back with junkies. Given all the things lost during active addiction, I have little to use to "go forward" with. I'm sitting here right now, I do not want to use. I could, but I don't have a desire to, despite how easily and quickly I could. The problem is my life, friends, circumstances, they're all geared towards being an addict, so even after working with the drug-dependency issue, I'm finding myself in a position where, short of just going back to using, I can barely find anything else to do!!!!
I'm really wondering how many people fall back into drug addiction simply because they cannot find another avenue to pursue :/
This is just something I've been rolling around, as I'm in a position where I just want back to my old, 'regular' life, but I'm stuck here in limbo between being an addict or being a "good boy", and while I know how to easily go back to being an addict, I'm barely able to find a thing that allows me to be a "good boy". I can see how this absence of "good boy" options would make many people fall back into addiction, despite having been able to steer clear of it, as they simply don't know anything but the drug-world after being entrenched for so many years.
Any thoughts are appreciated, I'd love to hear more on this. If there's responses on this specific aspect of addiction-recovery, I have a lot more to show/source/reference on this "lifestyle" problem inherent to many addicts/ex-addicts, I'll put much more up (with links) if there's any thoughtful comments/ideas on this %)
