Dropping out of life

[washingtonbound]

There was a post like this with a similar title, however I wanted to share my personal experience. Basically, I'm completely sick of life. I have no friends at all and the only person I talk to is my mom. I'm almost 30 and unemployed, and don't see it changing anytime soon. Honestly, I don't really care about getting a job. I collect around 900 a month on social security, but am unable to live on it since I don't have food stamps. Therefore I continue living with my mom which I'm really sick of. I don't really know what my problem is. I seem to have no impulse control, and no control of my thoughts. On top of this I don't connect with people at all. Where my mom lives is a real MAGA place, and I get sick of seeing that shit all over the place, the flags and bumper stickers and all. Recently I've gotten pretty heavy into antinatalist philosophy. I realize I should be thankful to have someone to live with and not being homeless, but there are some messed up things my mom has done, like putting antipsychotics in my food a few times (made a separate post about that). From seeing the psych ward, jail, and seeing messed up shit in foreign countries, I've just had enough. Don't particularly enjoy any hobbies either. I don't really see the point

 

[Jeanpauldash]

Sorry to hear that. I didn't understand high school and didn't have friends. I had a very disturbing experience. I felt better alone at home. As I got older things were even worse, I didn't understand why there was so much needless negativity. I had a brief notion things were more optimistic...sort of. But then when I was 21 everyone became extremely hateful and violent toward me and I was alone and treated with hatred after that.

I don't even want to say I was more optimistic for a time, maybe I feel that's expected. I listened to some music and got high and briefly had my own bed to read in behind a closed door. I let my boyfriend steal my car for three hours and understood tragedy to be love. I'm not sure why, probably the way he looked combined with the things he said. I even accidentally let my fish die after attempting suicide. Never had a life after that.