Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
This weekend has been the culmination of a wonderful month. A series of really great events in my life coupled with some important realizations have led me to being able to continually maintain a flow of love radiating from myself, which has spread to others around me and which has made me the happiest I've ever been for that period of this past month.
I've come to realize two things lately: one, emotion depends heavily upon the physical flow of energy through your body (through your chakras to be specific); two, the flow of energy throughout your body can be altered with practice through meditation and other mental exercises. Personally I've become aware that love and joy express themselves as a warm, euphoric energy radiating outward and being released from the solar plexus and the heart. Depression and anxiety happen when this energy in the solar plexus and heart changes to become a creeping, pulsing unpleasant energy which loops around and never is released like it is when you're feeling love and euphoria (the lack of release is perhaps the reason it feels bad instead of good). The result of this is a buildup of physical anxiety and mental negativity.
Of course, changing this at will is much easier said than done. I just know that this past month I've been able to consistently keep my energy flowing outward and have had probably the best month of my life. The best ways I know of to change this energy are being affected by the love coming from others (loved pets are excellent for this because they never stop expressing it to you), enjoying and/or playing excellent music, creating and/or experiencing other types of art, and passionate discussion. Also with practice, meditation can allow you to move the energy more towards positivity.
So anyway, the weekend culminated in me getting engaged to my girlfriend of five years on Friday night, which was really an amazing experience. So needless to say, when we got home Saturday night I was simply ecstatic! So it only added to my excitement when I discovered a mysterious vial that had appeared in my mailbox containing 30mg of DOM HCl, one of the compounds I've always had at or near the top of my to-do list, but which I never expected to find! Given that my mental state was so excellent, I decided right there to sample it at a low-ish dose. I waited until later on at night so I could have the majority of my experience alone. I've got no problems taking most psychedelics (other than shattering doses) around my fiance, as I am totally comfortable with her, but I prefer to be alone to really explore a substance.
12:55am (1-29-2007) - Ingested 7mg of DOM HCl dissolved in a solution of 2.217mL of ethanol and 4.783mL of distilled water. No perceptible taste. I held the solution sublingually for about 10 minutes before swallowing. I then went back downstairs to hang out with L (my fiance) for a while.
1:55 - It's been an hour, and the effects have definitely started. It feels at this point like a very gentle amphetamine buzz, and nothing but pleasant. As a matter of fact, it has increased the euphoria emanating from my solar plexus, but has decreased the output of love, as it seems to make me a bit more analytical than I am in my sober state. Still, I feel very emotional. The only other DOX I've tried a full dose of is DOC, which I am very familiar with, and DOC seems to distance me from my emotions to a much greater degree. With DOM, at least so far, I feel exactly like myself, but like a version of myself that is mentally stimulated and beginning to see things sparkle.
2:30 - Very light nausea begins, but I'm still feeling very good. Physical stimulation has increased, but it's a unique stimulation. Generally on amphetamine compounds, including DOC, I get some sweaty palms and feet and other minor signs of physical overstimulation. On amphetamine itself, I feel grossly overstimulated most of the time. This stimulation, however, is extraordinarily clean, giving me lots of energy but without any anxiety or outward signs of stimulation. I feel light and happy and curious about what's to come.
3:06 - I threw up in a sudden rapid increase in nausea, feeling fine now. Very acidic stomach contents. Immediately after throwing up I got in bed to lay down with L for a while and allow the rest of this drug to come on. At this point, the effects have snuck deep into my mind. This drug is extremely clean which makes it somewhat hard to describe on the body, at least at this dose. I felt sober and lucid until all of a sudden I'd realize I was lost in fantasy with no idea what had been going on. I had no ability to focus on anything for very long without losing myself in something barely related or totally off-topic. After throwing up, the effects came on quite strongly, and I felt a sensation that most psychedelics do not cause anymore for me. it's a sensation I associate with real mental psychedelic power. It's like a repeating pattern of suddenly finding myself overwhelmed, which compels me to close my eyes and roll them back a bit, and it's almost like I phased out for a second. The sensation of euphoria from my solar plexus was extremely high, leaving me feeling really good. Waves of pleasure flowed strongly over my body. I laid in bed writhing pleasantly and drifting continually further and further into fantasy.
Each time I phased back into reality from the inexplicable world of fantasy I was entering, I became aware that I was starting to drift off really far, much farther than the apparent strength of the drug should have allowed. I felt my mindstate getting deeper and deeper. Every time I closed my eyes, the darkness would begin to arrange itself, gain color, fractallize, and eventually turn into the sorroundings of an entirely different frame of reference. With eyes open, all I could see was a light sparkle and minor shifting of small patterns.
At some point, I fell into a dream. It was just like falling into fantasy as I had been doing for a while as described above, except that I was aware I had actually just fallen asleep. This means my dream was lucid, something that has only happened one other time to me in my life. As I entered the dream I opened my eyes (in my dream) and my bedroom around me began to turn blue and purple. The walls began to fractallize and expand slowly outward until I was no longer in a room at all, but outside on the streets of a big city. This city looked like New York more than anything, but slightly futuristic. I had a few minutes to marvel at the landscape and the fact that I knew I was dreaming. I was tripping very hard but very easily in the dream, on DOM. The feeling of the drug was exactly the same only its intensity level was heightened hugely. The world around me was twisting apart into fractals and bright colors. Impossible events of chance were happening all around me. An air of importance hung in the air. I had a sense that what I experiencing was being told to me by a presence which felt to me like
some sort of warm and patronly figure telling a bedtime story to his grandchild. Again I must stress the incredible vividness and lucidity of this dream. I experienced each moment while realizing I was in a dream. I could see, hear, feel, and taste what was happening around me, and feel the trip very strongly.
I began to notice that everyone else walking around the streets going about their day had started to notice as well. I felt as if my trip was creeping into each of them. I became aware of their alarm and some fear, and mainly a strong nervousness at the apparent falling apart of reality, which had so far not progressed far. Suddenly I became a man who was walking by.
Abruptly I was no longer aware that I was a guy named Xorkoth dreaming a strangely vivid dream. I was a guy whose name I can no longer remember, and I was a businessman. My mind was preoccupied with the desire to hurry up and be on time, and make that money. I was completely consumed by it and had been for years. It was the most important part of my life. It was my life.
Then I looked up when I began to feel a strange glowing in my solar plexus and an inexplicable stimulation. I noticed the world around me rippling and bending, exploding into detailed fractals. I began to feel nervous. I had tried LSD once when I was younger; I didn't like it because I felt out of control. Was I having a flashback? Quickly now, the deconstruction of the world around me progressed. I began to get more nervous - I had absolutely NO idea what was happening! I realized that everyone around me was experiencing the same thing.
Suddenly, my frame of view appeared as a window on a computer would, like a maximized Internet Explorer window without the frame and controls and so forth (which is what makes it look like a window, but somehow a computer window is what I am reminded of). Everything stopped as if the computer had frozen and a window popped up that said "critical error - the joke is up!" Then my frame of view cracked and split, revealing an impossibly detailed mass of moving fractals behind it. The world began to disappear completely. As it was doing so, I simultaneously became extremely frightened. I went through a very traumatic process where I alternated between denial and realization about what was happening. I began to slowly accept that the world was over. Awareness from beyond my ego began to slowly leak in as everything dissolved. I realized that I had been fooled this whole time, that my actual state of being was not as some silly preoccupied businessman. I hadn't felt this way since I was a child. But the intensity was so frightening and I was still halfway in my ego. The terror grew and grew until I was rocking back and forth, totally consumed by terror. This was my death, this was it, it's all over... As I faded out completely I began to hear frantic meows, and I felt a thought, at first belonging to a host of ambiguous figures from behind the scenes and then from my own mind, of amusement at some cosmic joke, which we had reached the culmination of, the punch line so to speak...
4:53 - The meows continued, stronger and stronger, and I suddenly realized again that I was dreaming and that I had begun this somewhere else entirely. I began to feel a fuzziness pushing on my chest and face. In the endless field of fractals, I saw a large cat's shadow form. Then I slowly became aware of my bedroom. The walls materialized from the fractals and grew back together in proportion. I became aware that my kitty Magnolia was frantically meowing at me and pawing increasingly hard at my chest while nuzzling her head very hard into my cheek. As I woke up she was staring straight into my eyes and looked very concerned. I gathered my bearings as the fractals still playing on my newly coalesced walls faded into the substance of the walls and the room regained normality. As I emerged I felt a deep sense of awe and a nagging feeling of importance which transformed the energy of terror and the realization of mortality back into a euphoric glowing force. My cat calmed down and I got up to go sit at my computer and begin typing notes about my dream before I forgot it. My cat came in right after me and spent the rest of the night sitting on my lap being very affectionate.
Surpringly, the effects of the psychedelic amphetamine seemed already much down from the peak, at just a little over T+4:00. In fact, the effects were never that strong until I laid down with my eyes closed. I still felt the euphoric stimulation and occasionally the intense eye-closing sensation described at the beginning of this report, but other than that, I felt pretty sober, definitely down. I would have preferred to have still been peaking, but I still enjoyed the rest of my night greatly. The DOM remained in my brain, helping me to enjoy some really great music and bringing me a lot of pleasure, but otherwise remaining pretty transparent.
6:45 - I decided to go to bed and fell asleep pretty quickly and comfortably, which is a testament to how incredibly gentle this substance was to me. I woke up at 8:00am with L (after only about an hour of sleep) and we proceeded to have a very nice day, one which was slightly colored by the long plateau of DOM. It was a very pleasant day.
I'm left wondering what the hell that dream was. It was like no other dream I've ever had. It was deep, powerful, totally lucid, and gave me a sense of light forboding. It felt important. Two days later, it's still lingering in my mind. I will hold off on speculation, and I look forward to having a full experience with DOM. Next time I will be taking 15mg, and then I should be able to see just how far this one can go.
DOM seems to be a fantastic substance, transparent but very powerful at the same time. It feels very archetypal, like DOC, only more subtle and with a greater capacity for sneaking you into very far-out situations. It was very pleasurable, but during that dream the terror I felt was very real and isn't something I will soon forgot. As a person who had no experience with psychedelics (the businessman), I witnessed the breakdown of reality and the ascension out of the ego, and as we all know, that can be a terrifying experience, especially when it happens stone cold sober in the middle of the day (which was the case for the businessman I briefly was).
I'm very intrigued to continue exploration with this one...
substancecode_DOM
I've come to realize two things lately: one, emotion depends heavily upon the physical flow of energy through your body (through your chakras to be specific); two, the flow of energy throughout your body can be altered with practice through meditation and other mental exercises. Personally I've become aware that love and joy express themselves as a warm, euphoric energy radiating outward and being released from the solar plexus and the heart. Depression and anxiety happen when this energy in the solar plexus and heart changes to become a creeping, pulsing unpleasant energy which loops around and never is released like it is when you're feeling love and euphoria (the lack of release is perhaps the reason it feels bad instead of good). The result of this is a buildup of physical anxiety and mental negativity.
Of course, changing this at will is much easier said than done. I just know that this past month I've been able to consistently keep my energy flowing outward and have had probably the best month of my life. The best ways I know of to change this energy are being affected by the love coming from others (loved pets are excellent for this because they never stop expressing it to you), enjoying and/or playing excellent music, creating and/or experiencing other types of art, and passionate discussion. Also with practice, meditation can allow you to move the energy more towards positivity.
So anyway, the weekend culminated in me getting engaged to my girlfriend of five years on Friday night, which was really an amazing experience. So needless to say, when we got home Saturday night I was simply ecstatic! So it only added to my excitement when I discovered a mysterious vial that had appeared in my mailbox containing 30mg of DOM HCl, one of the compounds I've always had at or near the top of my to-do list, but which I never expected to find! Given that my mental state was so excellent, I decided right there to sample it at a low-ish dose. I waited until later on at night so I could have the majority of my experience alone. I've got no problems taking most psychedelics (other than shattering doses) around my fiance, as I am totally comfortable with her, but I prefer to be alone to really explore a substance.
12:55am (1-29-2007) - Ingested 7mg of DOM HCl dissolved in a solution of 2.217mL of ethanol and 4.783mL of distilled water. No perceptible taste. I held the solution sublingually for about 10 minutes before swallowing. I then went back downstairs to hang out with L (my fiance) for a while.
1:55 - It's been an hour, and the effects have definitely started. It feels at this point like a very gentle amphetamine buzz, and nothing but pleasant. As a matter of fact, it has increased the euphoria emanating from my solar plexus, but has decreased the output of love, as it seems to make me a bit more analytical than I am in my sober state. Still, I feel very emotional. The only other DOX I've tried a full dose of is DOC, which I am very familiar with, and DOC seems to distance me from my emotions to a much greater degree. With DOM, at least so far, I feel exactly like myself, but like a version of myself that is mentally stimulated and beginning to see things sparkle.
2:30 - Very light nausea begins, but I'm still feeling very good. Physical stimulation has increased, but it's a unique stimulation. Generally on amphetamine compounds, including DOC, I get some sweaty palms and feet and other minor signs of physical overstimulation. On amphetamine itself, I feel grossly overstimulated most of the time. This stimulation, however, is extraordinarily clean, giving me lots of energy but without any anxiety or outward signs of stimulation. I feel light and happy and curious about what's to come.
3:06 - I threw up in a sudden rapid increase in nausea, feeling fine now. Very acidic stomach contents. Immediately after throwing up I got in bed to lay down with L for a while and allow the rest of this drug to come on. At this point, the effects have snuck deep into my mind. This drug is extremely clean which makes it somewhat hard to describe on the body, at least at this dose. I felt sober and lucid until all of a sudden I'd realize I was lost in fantasy with no idea what had been going on. I had no ability to focus on anything for very long without losing myself in something barely related or totally off-topic. After throwing up, the effects came on quite strongly, and I felt a sensation that most psychedelics do not cause anymore for me. it's a sensation I associate with real mental psychedelic power. It's like a repeating pattern of suddenly finding myself overwhelmed, which compels me to close my eyes and roll them back a bit, and it's almost like I phased out for a second. The sensation of euphoria from my solar plexus was extremely high, leaving me feeling really good. Waves of pleasure flowed strongly over my body. I laid in bed writhing pleasantly and drifting continually further and further into fantasy.
Each time I phased back into reality from the inexplicable world of fantasy I was entering, I became aware that I was starting to drift off really far, much farther than the apparent strength of the drug should have allowed. I felt my mindstate getting deeper and deeper. Every time I closed my eyes, the darkness would begin to arrange itself, gain color, fractallize, and eventually turn into the sorroundings of an entirely different frame of reference. With eyes open, all I could see was a light sparkle and minor shifting of small patterns.
At some point, I fell into a dream. It was just like falling into fantasy as I had been doing for a while as described above, except that I was aware I had actually just fallen asleep. This means my dream was lucid, something that has only happened one other time to me in my life. As I entered the dream I opened my eyes (in my dream) and my bedroom around me began to turn blue and purple. The walls began to fractallize and expand slowly outward until I was no longer in a room at all, but outside on the streets of a big city. This city looked like New York more than anything, but slightly futuristic. I had a few minutes to marvel at the landscape and the fact that I knew I was dreaming. I was tripping very hard but very easily in the dream, on DOM. The feeling of the drug was exactly the same only its intensity level was heightened hugely. The world around me was twisting apart into fractals and bright colors. Impossible events of chance were happening all around me. An air of importance hung in the air. I had a sense that what I experiencing was being told to me by a presence which felt to me like
some sort of warm and patronly figure telling a bedtime story to his grandchild. Again I must stress the incredible vividness and lucidity of this dream. I experienced each moment while realizing I was in a dream. I could see, hear, feel, and taste what was happening around me, and feel the trip very strongly.
I began to notice that everyone else walking around the streets going about their day had started to notice as well. I felt as if my trip was creeping into each of them. I became aware of their alarm and some fear, and mainly a strong nervousness at the apparent falling apart of reality, which had so far not progressed far. Suddenly I became a man who was walking by.
Abruptly I was no longer aware that I was a guy named Xorkoth dreaming a strangely vivid dream. I was a guy whose name I can no longer remember, and I was a businessman. My mind was preoccupied with the desire to hurry up and be on time, and make that money. I was completely consumed by it and had been for years. It was the most important part of my life. It was my life.
Then I looked up when I began to feel a strange glowing in my solar plexus and an inexplicable stimulation. I noticed the world around me rippling and bending, exploding into detailed fractals. I began to feel nervous. I had tried LSD once when I was younger; I didn't like it because I felt out of control. Was I having a flashback? Quickly now, the deconstruction of the world around me progressed. I began to get more nervous - I had absolutely NO idea what was happening! I realized that everyone around me was experiencing the same thing.
Suddenly, my frame of view appeared as a window on a computer would, like a maximized Internet Explorer window without the frame and controls and so forth (which is what makes it look like a window, but somehow a computer window is what I am reminded of). Everything stopped as if the computer had frozen and a window popped up that said "critical error - the joke is up!" Then my frame of view cracked and split, revealing an impossibly detailed mass of moving fractals behind it. The world began to disappear completely. As it was doing so, I simultaneously became extremely frightened. I went through a very traumatic process where I alternated between denial and realization about what was happening. I began to slowly accept that the world was over. Awareness from beyond my ego began to slowly leak in as everything dissolved. I realized that I had been fooled this whole time, that my actual state of being was not as some silly preoccupied businessman. I hadn't felt this way since I was a child. But the intensity was so frightening and I was still halfway in my ego. The terror grew and grew until I was rocking back and forth, totally consumed by terror. This was my death, this was it, it's all over... As I faded out completely I began to hear frantic meows, and I felt a thought, at first belonging to a host of ambiguous figures from behind the scenes and then from my own mind, of amusement at some cosmic joke, which we had reached the culmination of, the punch line so to speak...
4:53 - The meows continued, stronger and stronger, and I suddenly realized again that I was dreaming and that I had begun this somewhere else entirely. I began to feel a fuzziness pushing on my chest and face. In the endless field of fractals, I saw a large cat's shadow form. Then I slowly became aware of my bedroom. The walls materialized from the fractals and grew back together in proportion. I became aware that my kitty Magnolia was frantically meowing at me and pawing increasingly hard at my chest while nuzzling her head very hard into my cheek. As I woke up she was staring straight into my eyes and looked very concerned. I gathered my bearings as the fractals still playing on my newly coalesced walls faded into the substance of the walls and the room regained normality. As I emerged I felt a deep sense of awe and a nagging feeling of importance which transformed the energy of terror and the realization of mortality back into a euphoric glowing force. My cat calmed down and I got up to go sit at my computer and begin typing notes about my dream before I forgot it. My cat came in right after me and spent the rest of the night sitting on my lap being very affectionate.
Surpringly, the effects of the psychedelic amphetamine seemed already much down from the peak, at just a little over T+4:00. In fact, the effects were never that strong until I laid down with my eyes closed. I still felt the euphoric stimulation and occasionally the intense eye-closing sensation described at the beginning of this report, but other than that, I felt pretty sober, definitely down. I would have preferred to have still been peaking, but I still enjoyed the rest of my night greatly. The DOM remained in my brain, helping me to enjoy some really great music and bringing me a lot of pleasure, but otherwise remaining pretty transparent.
6:45 - I decided to go to bed and fell asleep pretty quickly and comfortably, which is a testament to how incredibly gentle this substance was to me. I woke up at 8:00am with L (after only about an hour of sleep) and we proceeded to have a very nice day, one which was slightly colored by the long plateau of DOM. It was a very pleasant day.
I'm left wondering what the hell that dream was. It was like no other dream I've ever had. It was deep, powerful, totally lucid, and gave me a sense of light forboding. It felt important. Two days later, it's still lingering in my mind. I will hold off on speculation, and I look forward to having a full experience with DOM. Next time I will be taking 15mg, and then I should be able to see just how far this one can go.
DOM seems to be a fantastic substance, transparent but very powerful at the same time. It feels very archetypal, like DOC, only more subtle and with a greater capacity for sneaking you into very far-out situations. It was very pleasurable, but during that dream the terror I felt was very real and isn't something I will soon forgot. As a person who had no experience with psychedelics (the businessman), I witnessed the breakdown of reality and the ascension out of the ego, and as we all know, that can be a terrifying experience, especially when it happens stone cold sober in the middle of the day (which was the case for the businessman I briefly was).
I'm very intrigued to continue exploration with this one...
substancecode_DOM
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Other than that, the only negative I see is that most of my experiences don't have the impact they used to. But I do seem to still have very impactful experiences from time to time, not really any less often than I used to except a certain period of time a year or so ago that had the most impact on me.
). 
