Does your family know???

[BlakMagicWoman]

Okay...luckily I don't live at home, which means my family never sees me lying around the house sketchy and seedy after a night out – if they got to see that, I'm sure they'd stop believing me when I have to lie and say "the reason I'm so interested in E and its effects and do my research is that I'm in the scene and have friends who do it, so I like to keep myself aware of it all...but no, of course I'm not doing it myself"... I hate having to lie to them – especially my mum...I just wish I could share it and make them understand that it's not as bad as the media and government make it out to be – that yes, there are tons of risks, but that these are minimal compared with a lotta other things in life...
When I started out, I tried talking to my mum about it – but she just did the "all drugs are bad, and I can't believe you're wasting your time associating with people who do that kinda thing – you're way too smart for that" thing...and then every time I spoke to her, the first words outta her mouth were "are you still going to THOSE rave parties?? Are you taking ECSTACY??"...so I figured it was just a lost cause trying to get through to her, let alone tell her that yeah I do do it...
But lately, she's stopped being sooooo negative about it..and I was really surprised the other night... I was over at their place for dinner, and she started talking about a guy who'd been admitted to Intensive Care at the hospital she works at (she's a nurse) after a big night of partying...she said all the other nurses were running round saying "ooooh he took Ecstacy – that's why he's all screwed up", but she went and looked at his charts and noticed it said when he was admitted that his pupils were like pinpricks...I'd told her before that E makes your pupils massive – so she immediately informed the other nurses that the chances of him having had MDMA were pretty small (on a side note, chances were he took those nasty Red CKs goin round Canberra right now – which are thought to contain Morpheine, which does make your pupils tiny), and told em to quit acting like E is always gonna land you in hospital.......I was surprised, to say the least!!! Then, my grandma chimed in and was like "E is so bad – I don't understand why people would take it when they have no idea what's really in it and what it's gonna do to them"...I was blown away by my mum's response of "hang on a minute...okay, when you go to the doctor and get a prescription for a new drug, you take it no questions asked, right?? Well, there's a chance that you might have a bad reaction to that drug...just like ANY drug, including E...it's all similar in the grand scheme of things...but don’t act like recreational drug users are the only ones taking risks" I sat there stunned, thinking "wooo hoooo you go mum!!!" *LOL*
I dunno...maybe I was wrong to write off my family so quickly...maybe it just takes time for people to develop understandings of these kinds of things...maybe my mother will come around, given more time...at least she's not as negative as she used to be... And I guess I can understand it – up til recently I was part of the "drugs are all totally bad and I will NEVER EVER touch any" crowd...it took years for me to change that opinion...so I guess I should cut my family a lil slack and quit expectin em to understand overnight *LOL* It's just tough, cos I hate hiding this part of me...and I hate knowing they'd probably be really disappointed in me if they knew the whole truth...geez, I can't even figure out why their approval is important to me...but it just is...
Anyways, there's probably no point rambling on anymore...but, I'm kinda curious to hear about other people's experiences with their families in relation to the scene, and whether or not anybody even cares what their family thinks...
*goes back to work, cos her boss ALWAYS knows she's not working when she's typing at 500 miles an hour* hehehe
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"Come to the edge, he said.
They said: We are afraid.
They came.
He pushed them...and they flew."
- Guillaume Apollinaire
[This message has been edited by BlakMagicWoman (edited 26 April 2001).]

 

[Airwalk]

I like yourself live out of home so my parents have never been confronted with me on E or the comedown. My parents know I rave (A lot) and yes I tell them 'Nah don't do it myself but a lot of my friends do'. My Dad belives this 100% as he's a bit thick about such things (He didn't know I smoked cigarettes until I did it in front of him a few years back. My Mum on the other hand verbally belives me but I'm sure she knows as I can always tell when she's just humouring me. I'm sure I'll tell them one day but I'm not just ready yet.
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Vote for the Party, Party, Party at the next election

 

[flutter]

My brother knows but only because he does it too. I live at home and my parents just laugh at my boyfriend and i when we come home from a party and sleep all day. I don't think they are too suss. They just put it down to the fact we are young and love to party and drink!
It was much easier when my bf lived by himself so we could just crash there. But now he lives with relatives so we usually crash at friends houses now.
I wonder if my parents are suss. I could not tell them what i was doing. Maybe in a few years but not now.....

 

[Mr. Horse]

OK, I live at home, and parents know I take ecstasy. Unfortunately they think I take it a lot more than I do (as in, everytime I go out, my mum gives me what I call the "eckie look")
About a year ago, I was sitting in the car with my mum, and she commented how good a friend of mine looked (she wore wonky wear - a type of rave clothing in melbourne, just in case you live in a closet

)
I told her that that was the type of cloths a lot of people wear at raves, and my mum asked if she took ecstasy. I was a little taken aback, but I told her yes. THEN... she asked the dreaded question. "Have YOU taken ecstasy before?"
I said "I dont know whether to say yes or no" and she told me she wouldnt be angry either way, so I told her straight out. She asked me whether I enjoyed it or not as well. And I just gave her this retarded grin, as if to say....yes. hehe
Anyway, my parents are very cluey, and know what its all about. They're not hugely informed about it, and definately don't agree with my use, but I substantiate that I do it safely, hang around with good people, and not let it affect my life, which in part is true (I believe my grades didn't suffer) but my memory is totally fucked.
It depends on the type of parents you have. My parents are semi-hippies from the seventies, so they know what its like. It does help having them know, but it would also be nice sometimes if they didn't give me the third degree everytime I go out to a party.
I think, slowly but surely, the general public are becomming aware the MDMA use isn't as bad as it was once made out to be, and that compared with Heroin, Cocaine etc its not nearly as bad, statistically. (ie: death rate percentage)
All in all, I dont think telling your folks is either a bad, or good thing. It definately changed our relationship, and its now a lot more open, but be aware that you will cop a LOT more flak for going out, and it gives them plenty of ammunition when you fight with them. As much as we try and justify our use, nothing gives you the guilts more that a parents giving you the "my son is a druggie" look.

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-=Tribal council has spoken=-

 

[~Sgt.Smiley~]

Blackmagickwoman: When you said, "I just wish I could share it and make them understand that it's not as bad as the media and government make it out to be – that yes, there are tons of risks, but that these are minimal compared with a lotta other things in life", I thought, well your mother would be saying, and quite rightly, that she wishes she could make you understand that E's ARE as bad as the media and government make it out to be (probably a lot worse too), and that the risks of taking Drugs are also extremely MAJOR when compared to a hell of a lot of other things in life.
I apologise, but your arguments don't really mount up. No sensibe, caring parent would ever want their child to take a drug, and rightly so. I hope to use my experiences to warn other kids off it (especially my own If i ever have any).
What's more, the fact that you have to lie to your mother really sums it up. Deep down, you know you are doing the wrong thing by both of you. I told my mum when I got my year 12 results back - I did the best in my school, and I said to her that the irony of it all was that I spent the whole exam period on speed, as it was the only way I could stay awake to study enough. I was amazed at her response when she said, she would rather that I got shit marks yet to have been clean.
You said you hate lying to your mother, so i guess that means you care for her. I belive the moral is, don't lie to your parents IF you care for them. They have a right to know, and a right to get the opportunity to get you off them. Just my view! Let me know what you think

 

[mirabii]

BMW, my family doesn't know, and I still live at home with them. I suppose the thing that's stopped them becoming suspicious is that I don't actually take pills very often (me grumbles about wasting money on those fucked up Red cKs - but thankful she didn't take them!!). And I have been known to pull all nighters being completely sober, so they're kinda used to me flopping around the house on a saturday. I have to say that my mum was wondering why I know so much about how different drugs affect you - she's a high school teacher and hates the blanket line "drugs are bad". Kids in highschools are already anti-authority enough, why do we expect them to take a statement like that and live by it when we don't dare to explain further? Sorry, a bit side tracked there. I won't be telling my family unless I feel like it once I've moved out, even so... You shoulda seen how crazy they went when they found out I was smoking! But it does occasionally strike me that they wouldn't take it as bad as I expect them to - I just can't afford to be out on my arse if that's the reaction they would give. Plus they help me financially.. I'm sure they'd find plenty of reasons to cut that out if they knew what I sometimes spend their money on!
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if you found out you were dreaming, would you want to wake up?
Please don't interrupt me. That last sentence took a lot of effort to think of and now I have to think of another one.

 

[Trouble]

One thing about parents: they usually know far more than you think they do. I assumed my parents were totally unaware that I smoked (cigarettes) until my mum busted me outside work one day having a fag break. All she did was shake her head and sigh (and my mum is REALLY antismoking, especially for me because I'm asthmatic.) Now I am 29, have been smoking on and off since 21 (which is after I left home), and this happened last year. All those years I thought I had her fooled and she had known all along!
Then my dad popped over to visit one day when I had the bong sitting on the coffee table. Do you think he batted an eyelid? Not a bit of it.
My parents have never asked me if I 'take anything' at raves. They know I usually drive when I go out, and they know I don't like to drink much so I think knowing I don't drink and drive puts their minds at ease. They also probably realise that no matter what they think, I'm of an age where I can make my own decisions so it's pretty pointless them starting a discussion with me when they know we'll disagree. (Mind you I would love them to bring it up if they'd do it with an open mind - I'd be over the moon to chat to them about it!)
My sister is 21 and has been pilling with me for 2 years. She doesn't live at home either but I suspect she gets a harder time from the folks about her night time activities than I do.
The worst one of the lot, though, is my brother. For some reason he is really against my sister pilling (he is 27 so she is the baby) and blames me for getting her started. Not that I really care if he disapproves, but the problem is he has started making smarmy comments about it - in front of the folks. Things like "How much does it cost you for a night out? $20 to get into an event and then how much do you spend on drugs? Why don't you drink, it's cheaper."
Considering I believe they have chosen to turn a blind eye, him bringing it up serves no purpose except to get my sister and me into shit. Both of us have already spoken to him about it and told him that if he has an issue he should bring it up with one of us, but nothing seems to help.
It's not a big issue because I hardly ever see him, but when I do it's generally at my parents' house. I am getting sick to death of him trying to dob in my sister and me like this.
Does anyone have any suggestions?

 

[Duotone]

Well, my brothers know, not that they rave but we are pretty tight. They are into their own interests right now (mainly pot) and I've often considered seeing if they wanted to roll with me. I don't think I'll ever ask them to though, I couldn't live with myself if anything bad happened.
My Mom knows that her boys do drugs, she doesn't agree with, but she also doesn't lose any sleep over it. We've all graduated from college and are fairly successful and as far as she is concerned it's our lives. She wishes that we wouldn't, but also realizes that we aren't harming anyone and just out to have a good time.
We don't tell our father shit, because he would have a whack attack and get unglued. As far as he knows we are just drunks, but he's ok with that. Talk about not making any sense.

 

[Munchee]

I think my Mum knows I do at least some forms of drugs. My sister does everything pretty much except for heroin (she keeps herself under control somehow) and Mum's only said to me that she thinks my sister smokes green. Mum actually said to me when I was coughing one time that I should stop smoking - that's fine except for I dont smoke. I'm pretty sure she knew I smoked green back in high school but considering my marks were really good and I wasn't hurting anyone she didn't really worry about it. I used to drink heaps back in first year which was the closest thing to a problem with any drugs that I've encountered and that wouldn't worry her in the slightest which is weird really. Dad doesn't have a clue I think which is cool.

 

[gregington]

My faimily knew pretty soon after I had taken my first (which wasn't too long agt BTW -- last new year's). I hate having to lie or conceal thingss to them, so I told them shortly afterwards... I had been living away from home for a few years (and a couple of years interstate) so that made it easier for me to tell them.
I don't think they were too shocked... If was going to be any one of their kids it was me

. My mum just wants to be kept ignorant. She doesn't want to know anything more on the subject.
My dad, on the other hand has done some reasarch on it and is concerned that I am playing around with my seretonin levels. He suffered from severe depression and is on SSRI's now. He thinks that I may be putting myself in danger of developing depression due to a possible genetic predisposition to depression combined with ecstacy use. He has a point I guess, because I wouldn't want to go through what he did, nor would I want to put anyone through what my family went through in dealing with his depression..
My family don't support my drug use, but they know that I use responsibly so I think that helps them a bit. They still treat me the same as before an accept me so that's pretty much all I can ask for from them...

 

[BlakMagicWoman]

SgtSmiley, thanx for your comments - I appreciate hearing all sides of the coin But, I don't think I feel guilty for lying to my mum because I "deep down know I'm doing the wrong thing by both of us"......I don't think I'm doing anything that bad - I've done my research, and I've come to the conlusion that there are a million worse things that I could be doing to myself.......the reason I feel bad lying to her is because SHE thinks ecstacy is a completely bad thing, and therefore would be disappointed to know I'm taking it.....I wouldn't want to hurt her like that, because she thinks she's brought me up to be smarter and to know better - see, what she doesn't understand is that Ecstacy attracts a lot of smart people, and that in a way it is kinda an intellectual drug - she just has the typical parent impression that most people who take drugs are morons and losers.......so, I am trying to slowly make her see that it IS possible to take E and still be a smart and well-functioning human being....I am doing my best to show her that I still have a brain, I'm still doing great in my job, I'm still functioning as well as always......cos if she sees that for a while, then maybe when I do tell her I take E, she won't feel like she's lost the mature, intelligent daughter she brought me up to be.............she has sacrificed so much for me, and always put her own needs second to mine, and I'd hate myself if she ended up feeling like "all my sacrifice was worthless cos my daughter has ended up bein into drugs and that means she's not smart like she used to be"....what I want her to think is "all my sacrific was worth it cos I have an intelligent daughter - yes she takes recreational drugs, but at least she's smart enough to learn about harm reduction and precautions...and it doesn't mean she's turned into a moron"....................so, I guess all I can do is keep showing her I really haven't changed, and am not about to end up in the gutter or sellin myself for my next hit...........
To everybody else - thanx so much for your stories....they're all so interesting, and it always helps me to be reminded that I'm not alone in this situation *hugz to all*
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"Come to the edge, he said.
They said: We are afraid.
They came.
He pushed them...and they flew."
- Guillaume Apollinaire

 

[ruski]

You know, I just, not 10 minutes ago, I had an arguement with my dad about my drug use.
His plea was rather harsh and un-educated but as a parent I fully understand where hes coming from, but as a learning teenager I must detest his ignorant comments and educate him.
I did this:
I gave him printed erowid information, showed him enlighten and showed him my e-testers. He is now slightly more educated and slightly more relaxed but prefers I would not do it, my mom takes the same stance but reached it by her own conclusions.
My parents are not narrow minded, but my dad can be a bit too stern on things he is not overly informed of, hence the informity of erowid and such seemed to turn him. The fact that he thought acid did norty things to your spine etc just showed what little knowledge he did have so a quick boot in the correct direction should change his tune.
As Mr Horse mentioned, he believe I take chemicals much more often then I actually do, which isn't true, but I suppose seeing as the local ad campaigns depcit the average Joe Raver robbing people for money, he wouldn't be far off.
I guess they are accepting people when it comes down to it, they know I am realativley responsible and woulnd't blindly go taking things I knew nothing about (althought I am not saying that the erowid or other information is totally conclusive, but it does tend to hint towards a more developed and broader frame of mind).
What it comes down to is parents are parents, they are probably happier if they know about your lives, but love you just the same and prefer not to see you hurting yourselves especially when they know it could lead to conditions which you may never recover from (see extreme cases 101).

 

[*DJC*]

Hey cancle its not only CBR Red cKs that are bad.

And i live at home too. My parents just think that since i come home at 7am that i am just tired, thats why i don't emerge from my room till the next day, hehehe. But my parents aren't silly, they know i take stuff, they must do, but i haven't told them. They know that i am safe and can look after myself and have friends who look out for me too. But i think if i told them they would be ok with it, maybe not at first, but in time. They don't believe the media, but they know that drugs are dangerous, and that is why they wouldn't want me taking anything. My parents are kewl, i love them, and they love me no matter what. Awwwww..

DJC
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"We are the Children of the Revolution"

 

[sweet leaf]

Gregington - Yeah i'm in the same boat as you bud....My dad used to suffer severe depression ( he died many years ago-alcohol/cigs) and it's my sister that's really concerned for me..I mean, sure i've been depressed at times( nothing major- u know , like after pilling a few days ago) but i believe that i'm able to get over it, and have cut down the amount i take...She's worried about the pot/eckies may turn me into a very depressed person, but, i reckon i'll be ok..
As for my mum, well, she knew about me smokin pot about 2 months after i started , and about the same for pills...She a tfirst was concerned , using the media style bs, but i try to inform her every time she says over-the-top stories etc...yeh i know it's bad, but , well, she knows i'm sensible , so hopefully she's ok with that

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fly high , but watch your head

 

[cancle]

Just an example of a dodgy pill.

 

[SupaspeeD]

My parents don't know, but they must suspect.
I would tell them, but i prefer an assured roof over my head at the moment. If i move out anytime soon, i might sit them down and let them know, i'll probably find they had already guessed.
Although i'm sure they threw out Mr Howards book.

 

[Nickstar]

Hi Mum

. If you read this I dont do it often! I promise. The horse makes me do it! And that pig is evil!

 

[elvis]

I drop pills with my two of sisters occasionally, and it can be fun
My parents don't have a clue that any of us have even tried ecstacy. They totally freaked out when they found out that me and my mates got chucked out of our schoolies hotel on the gold coast after 2 nights for smoking pot.
I don't think I'll ever have the balls to tell them.

 

[icantfeelmylegs]

I've told my mother. She never really asked about it.. I just decided i'd tell her what I got up to as she's usually open minded about things. Father is a different matter. He's the kind of person who you wouldn't tell.. and wouldn't be interested in hearing it even if I did. He's just like that.
I've even got my mother to consider having a pill with me sometime.. that is when she's not as sick as she is right now. We'll sit down together, have a cap and just chat about things. I am soo looking forward to it. To be able to show her exactly how I feel when i'm out. 'S gonna rock!
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*shuffle, shuffle*

 

[muzby]

parents don't know...
i just keep shitloads of redbull around the house, and always start drinking it b4 a nite out... thatway i have an excuse for going out all night and driving...
if they found any tablets, i would just say they are dog worming tablets... although mum would give em to the dogs....
'twould be fuckin interesting taking them for a walk then....
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well, thats my two cents worth! I'll be in the corner if anyone needs me.