Does she really love me or just love having sex with me??

[Pdrizzy6]

So I've known this girl for a few years and we have been good friends. We have had feelings for each other twice in the past but never really dated or hooked up before but just knew we liked each other. Last year we stopped talking after we had a big disagreement when I told her I loved her and we started dating other people. We started talking again beginning of this year and became close again. Now about a month ago we went to the club and got fckd up and she got very flirtatious with me the whole night .. Went back to her place and had such deep passionte mind blowing sex it was actually crazy. Next day, she goes to her dads house but this other guy she knows likes her, who she makes out with but says she has never slept with, also came but she claims she didi not invite him & called me and texted me the whole time he was there, being all flirty and telling me she loves me & how much this guy irritates her. She was also drinking that night at her Dads. This was all on the weekend..The thing is through out the week she calls me everyday and we talk for a long while and tell each other we love each other at the end of our conversation, but through out she is hardly flirtatious at all when we talk soberly and she just kind of laughs abit when I say something flirty or sexual or about us together and also kinda acts like we are just friends at the same time. Friday night comes around and she goes to the club without me cause I was busy, Her friends always tell me that every guy tries to take her home but she refuses. Right after the club she calls me, very flirtatiously tells me to come over. I get there at 4am and we fck again. After that we are lying in bed and she's telling me all these deep things like her heart is mine and she wants to be with me blah blah. The next day though she acts like nothing happend & doesn't even like mention anything about that or even the sex. Last week I found myself struggling to even make conversation with her because she would call me all the time but then not really say much. I ask her about relationships and she says she's not in one and doesn't want to be but next Friday comes along .. Same thing, she gets drunk, flirty and wants to fuck n acts all in love with me again for the duration of her being drunk and then goes abit cold again but still always calls me all week. I obviously have feelings for her but not sure what's happening here? Does she actually love me or does she just want to fck? I wanna be that guy who doesn't care and just enjoy the sex but I feel like if I carry on I might get to way to attached to a girl who seems confused about her feelings. I know this sounds lame but when we fck it really feels like we're making love and not just fucking and that's why it's making me fall for her.. Any one have an idea of what's happening here?? & should I keep this going cause tomorrow is Friday and she wants me to come over and smoke weed, drink, pop some Molly and chill .. So it's obvious what's gonna happen .. Oh and note that she's never had sex while sober with me and she only is super flirtatious and acts all in love with me when she is drunk or high .. However we do make out sometimes when I do get to see her during the week after her day at work before my night shift but we don't have sex at those times.. She claims to be over the other guy aswell sorry for the wall of text but just needed to explain thoroughly

 

[sean107]

She just wants to fuck it sounds like. She probably has some issues and she doesn't really know what she wants. I've met girls like that, I'd find another and save yourself the emotional hard times that can come with trying to love someone who doesn't want any kind of commitment. She probably does love you though, or at least feels very very strongly about you, but that doesn't mean she will treat you how you feel you should be treated. Especially since you aren't dating and it sounds like that's not what she's looking for.

 

[queenbee1127]

She doesn't love you, she's just lonely.

 

[Pdrizzy6]

She just wants to fuck it sounds like. She probably has some issues and she doesn't really know what she wants. I've met girls like that, I'd find another and save yourself the emotional hard times that can come with trying to love someone who doesn't want any kind of commitment.

I get what you're saying.i guess if she loved me she would have made it official by now instead of avoiding the topic of a relationship. It's a pity cause we actually get along so well but ever since we started having sex she has not been as talkative as she usually is but still always wants to call me & see me lol .. It's weird .. She told me this morning she wants us to go on vacation together soon .. Should I just cut her off? or explain to her why we can't keep doing this? I did cut her off ounce before last year but she always tried to contact me now and again

 

[Pdrizzy6]

She doesn't love you, she's just lonely.

This might be the hurtful truth lol..

 

[queenbee1127]

^ I don't mean to be hurtful, but I've done it so that's how I know. It's the truth. You're convenient and you give her the attention she's after - but only on her terms. Start ignoring her calls and focus your attention on someone who deserves it.

 

[CosmicG]

Or just confront her and ask her what is really going on here. Be honest with her by telling her how you feel and see what she says. Do it while she is sober. I personally couldn't hook up with someone on a regular basis and not eventually have real feelings of wanting to be with that person. I know some can with no problems, but I feel for you man.

 

[Smoky]

Has she been in a relationship before without being drunk? She might not know how, or how to be emotionally available in a healthy way. There is no fault, sometimes it's just one's upbringing, they didn't learn healthy bonding skills for interpersonal relationships.

Good point above. Stop giving her the attention and see what happens. She might just seek it elsewhere or if she truly cares maybe she'll work on her issues.

Maybe meet her in the day in a coffee house and see if she's open to communicating about it… When sober that is.

 

[tomdpimp]

Maybe you are moving too fast for her emotionally. She wanted you to come over after the night at thr club, sure she was drunk/high, but that meant that despite low inhibitions she chose you over other guys. She clearly trusts you. Have you done molly together before? If not, this will be the real bonding moment for you two.

 

[Pdrizzy6]

. Start ignoring her calls and focus your attention on someone who deserves it.

Lol you know there are times I do ignore her calls & the longer I do the more she starts texting and asking where I am but I'm guessing that's just cause she doesn't wanna be left alone by the one guy that helps her not feel like she's alone & desperate for attention... And I guess also enjoys having sex with.

 

[Pdrizzy6]

Or just confront her and ask her what is really going on here. Be honest with her by telling her how you feel and see what she says. Do it while she is sober. I personally couldn't hook up with someone on a regular basis and not eventually have real feelings of wanting to be with that person. I know some can with no problems, but I feel for you man.

Yea I'm the nice guy type and u know what they say about nice guys finishing last lol .. I'm gonna hook up with her one last time cause honestly I've been craving and thinking about the sex all week. I've been with a few girls but not one who does exactly what I like and when I like in bed, we seem to know how to really satisfy each other to the fullest. Lol I know it's only gonna make things harder but fck I just want it ounce more n then ill confront her probably on Sunday cause she's having a lil get together so we'll take a walk and talk before she gets intoxicated

 

[Pdrizzy6]

Has she been in a relationship before without being drunk?

LMFAO!!!!! ?? tbh who knows!! We will have a sober chat though.

I don't mean to make her sound like a raging alcoholic though lol. She never drinks during the week but then
on the weekend?? That's another story... She goes off. She drinks a lot but is never like stupid sloppy and all over the place so I know deep down she knows exactly what she's doing when she's doing it

 

[queenbee1127]

I think the 'confront her sober' angle is a bad way to go. I really don't think you're going to get the answer you're looking for, she's either going to pretend to not know what you're talking about and say you're just friends who are having fun or feel cornered and get defensive and then it will go to shit.

Do what you want, but I think ignoring her is your best route. If she asks what has changed between you, definitely be honest and tell her how you're feeling, but I'm pretty sure you're just a comfortable and convenient hookup. I know it sucks to hear that, but having acted this way towards guys in the past, I'm only telling you how I would react.

 

[Clitnhawk]

She doesn't know what she wants. She may have sexual hangups as well. There are women who only fuck when they are intoxicated and for many reasons (body image, religious hangups, doesn't enjoy it sober - too much thinking, etc). A big reason anyone drinks is so they can get laid... allows them to say things, they aren't going to say - when sober.

How about you video record the conversation (and not hidden) so you can play it back for her when she is sober.

- Her "mind blowing sex" may only be when she's drunk.
- Having an intoxicating-only relationship = short term.
- If she can't "be in love with you sober" - then its a loss cause. What, keep her drunk 24/7 until her liver blows?
- Throw out the emotion, enjoy the sex (but her saying "I love you" is messing with your mind)

I've been with a woman like that. Never had sex with her sober (either of us) and we fucked each others brains out. We rarely socially did anything sober - I tried. So I too, was torn between my feelings and not sure what her's were. She was a very loving person and very cold at other times. It was maddening - I had to think about what to say and do in order to see/fuck her. Had great times, still. I pushed for more "relationship" - she talked about Sex, drinking and clubbing. It came to a heartbreaking end for both of us. Took me a while to get over her.

Looking back, I spent too much time crying over a doomed relationship.

The sex with my wife is not quite as intense as THAT EX, but its easily better sex. We making love. We have sober sex and hard-core drunking fuck-a-rama. Mostly, its standard seriously-relationship sex or cuddling and talking naked. I don't second guess my feelings or my words (it goes both ways). There are rough spots, but nothing explosive and we talk it out, etc.

If possible, I would keep her as a fuck-buddy for a while until you find a real lovely girl. And tell her this. Be honest too: "I have feelings for you - but I think we both know it's not real serious. So lets be FWB without the pressure. We obviously love fucking each others brains out. But a real GF/BD relationship needs more than that. That way, we can date other people - without being desperate to get LAID or jump into a relationship so fast. When one of us gets serious, me and you are just friends"

That way, you both get to fuck. And you won't have much pressure while dating.

IMHO, people can't expect exclusive relationship until you both express that. ie: always assume the other party is getting laid.

 

[Pdrizzy6]

Maybe you are moving too fast for her emotionally. She wanted you to come over after the night at thr club, sure she was drunk/high, but that meant that despite low inhibitions she chose you over other guys. She clearly trusts you. Have you done molly together before? If not, this will be the real bonding moment for you two.

This does make some sense to me though, she has a few other guy friends to hook up with but she chooses me so I know she does trust me and care about me in some way. Maybe just not the way I want her too. I do know this girl well and know when it comes to sex she's DEFINITELY not the type to have multiple partners. It's rare that she even has sex unless she really trusts someone and likes them a lot so maybe I should just chill for abit and see?? Friday (today) will be the first time we do Molly together so I'll post about what happened

 

[Pdrizzy6]

but having acted this way towards guys in the past, I'm only telling you how I would react.

May I ask, what made you act like this towards a guy? Were you close friends before you started doing that? Did you have no feelings what so ever for the guy & what made u stop doing this type of thing to guys?

 

[Pdrizzy6]

There are women who only fuck when they are intoxicated

- Her "mind blowing sex" may only be when she's drunk.
- Throw out the emotion, enjoy the sex (but her saying "I love you" is messing with your mind)

If possible, I would keep her as a fuck-buddy for a while until you find a real lovely girl. And tell her this. Be honest too: "I have feelings for you - but I think we both know it's not real serious. So lets be FWB without the pressure. We obviously love fucking each others brains out. But a real GF/BD relationship needs more than that. That way, we can date other people - without being desperate to get LAID or jump into a relationship so fast. When one of us gets serious, me and you are just friends"

While we were texting this morning I literally asked her would she fuck me while sober & she replied "of course"

So when I get over to her house before we start doing anything, I'm gonna try get into her pants and see how she is during sober sex or if she'll even really be down for just sober sex.

Why is she telling me she loves me when she doesn't mean it? I mean she even tells me she loves me when she's sober so that confuses me but that's about as much "sober emotion" she shows & actions speak louder then words and there are no actions showing me she loves me

I will definitely give her that dialogue on Sunday if I feel like she hasn't changed up one bit, we are spending the weekend mostly together so this will be a sure sign of "is she just taking time to warm up to a relationship or is she just in this for some good ol fckin action till she is over it" we shall see

 

[queenbee1127]

It's attention. In no way does that make it right, but that's what it is.

Personally, I have a policy of not fucking around with my friends, so no, none of the guys this has happened with were close friends. I think it was mostly guys that I knew were way more into me than I was into them, and I knew I could get the attention that I wanted. It was easy, and it's validating.

Also, saying "I love you" may not be a romantic/sexual thing, it could be more of a friendly thing. I wouldn't read too far into that.

I really think that confronting her in any way is not going to yield the results you're looking for. She has the seemingly perfect cover up of being drunk when this stuff happens - again, doesn't make it right - but if you're expecting to talk things out and her confess something, you're not going to get what you're looking for.

 

[tomdpimp]

How did it go?

 

[Pdrizzy6]

How did it go?

Friday, she called me as soon as she got home from work and told me to come over.. I get there and observe her for awhile to make sure she's sober as she's telling me about her day. She was sober so we start making out on the couch while watching Netflix and end up having sex there which was just as good as when she's drunk. After an hour of that we eat then proceed to drink, smoke some weed and then take two Molly's each .. We got pretty fucked up and she started telling me how much she loves me but just doesn't think we would work out because of our past & she's scared to let herself fall to deeply because she thinks it will end badly and she'll lose me again & she knows what she's doing to me is wrong but she's confused and doesn't know what she wants in life right now and just me being with her makes her feel like she doesn't have to think and makes her feel not so alone & I make her happy but she just is scared to commit because she's just unsure of everything. School, her job, friends, what she wants to do in life, if she wants to travel for a year ect.
I got all that on video so she could see the next day. After that we just fucked each other's brains out till we literally passed out.

Saturday morning we woke up on the kitchen floor with most of the house fuckd up Lool so we spend most of the day cleaning. We went out for a late lunch and I showed her the video of what she was saying.. She kinda looked embarrassed but told me she wasint lying she honestly feels that way. So I mean what could I really say?

But after I left and went home after lunch she just became so cold, she didint say anything or text or call like she usually does so I just waited till the next day.

Next day I asked if I should still come to her get together and she said no it's cancelled. I asked her what she was doing and she avoided the question, later In the afternoon I asked if I can call her and she said no she's busy so I'm like ok no problem what u busy doing? She avoided it again so I was like yo why won't u tell me what your doing? if your with another guy just tell me? N she just replied with a lol and she played dumb as if I was acting crazy so I just left it and did not reply. Then like at 12am she texts and says hiiiiii why are u being like this? I ignore it, 2am she calls me twice and I ignore again. She has not said anything since then

She always tells me what she's doing or why she can't call.. All of sudden she's acting all shady??

What should I do from here?? Just leave her or what? Am I overacting ??