Do You Think You Deserve Happiness?

[MR Candyslut]

Ok, so as a common trend throughout TDS, and i guess throughout wider society, people often think we are all 'entitled' to happiness. Consequently, when things don't work out, or people simply aren't happy, they experience a sense of injustice, and start to question what they have done wrong; this life, or past ones .

In my (limited) experience, and through some pretty hard lessons, i have worked out that happiness is not something that we are entitled too, nor is it some magical place we arrive at. More, it is a state of being, a conscious choice that we need to make, in spite of the circumstances that surround us.

This is not always easy. And sometimes, people just don't feel like being happy, which is more than understandable. I guess the point of this thread though is to get others thoughts on whether they view Happiness as some external destination they are constantly striving towards,or more as an internal state of being, one that essentially comes down to attitude, choice and acceptance.

Have you had to reconceptualise your idea of what it means to be happy? How has this affected you, and, indeed,as it helped you? What do you guys think when it comes to being happy?

Your thoughts, experiences and opinions, as always, are much appreciated.

ker-edit: Adding to the original question, what would be your own definition of happiness, if it is indeed possible to achieve, and also deserved?

 

[Kerrigan]

I revel in my own misery. When are you going to start paying me?

Happiness is something you won't know you have until it's gone. Sorta like oxygen, or sex, or sleep. Y'know? This whole debate is meaningless.

 

[lady grey]

In my (limited) experience, and through some pretty hard lessons, i have worked out that happiness is not something that we are entitled too, nor is it some magical place we arrive at. More, it is a state of being, a conscious choice that we need to make, in spite of the circumstances that surround us.
Your thoughts, experiences and opinions, as always, are much appreciated.

^^ i whole heartedly agree!

i think i deserve happiness. I know its up to me to find it. i have no idea how or where to start. but i think il get there one day. Its basically training your mind imo --->> something thats very hard to do though.. thats a hard question though the more i think about it, i dont actually think you can have one level state of mind, it seems as though (well to me at least) your state of mind will always be changing

 

[MR Candyslut]

But i guess my point is, trancegirlie, that by thinking you 'deserve' happiness, it can be counter-productive in that if one is not 'happy', they tend to get all indignant and lament their unhappiness as if it is somehow unfair.

Does that make sense?

I guess i have noticed alot of people in TDS recently discussing how they are not happy, and whether or not they deserve it. When, really, it is not about deserving it, but more about a state of being.

 

[lady grey]

yeah i see what your saying.. i ranted sorry..
at points in my life, ive hit lows where i couldnt see happiness as ever being something i would know again.. I didnt think at the time i deserved to feel that way but i still did.. Im resposible for myself.. I dont believe my state of mind is anyone elses doing or problem.. being deserving of happiness hasnt really cross my mind actually I figure its up to me to fix things that go wrong.

imo noone really deserves anything. We dont deserve unhappiness & we dont deserve happiness ~ its not a case of what we deserve but rather of what we are capable of

sorry i just realised that may sound harsh, its just imo

 

[Kerrigan]

True, that. I actually agree with the above statement.

Why is God doing this to me?

I'm not saying that feeling happy is difficult, or easy, but it's simply a case of effort and doing what you feel will make you happy. But it seems as though it's an endless pursuit; we want what we won't have, though we believe we will, and that keeps us going on and on.

One thing I cannot stand is false-happiness. Such as people putting on jolly faces when, in reality, they're on the edge of a cliff with one foot wiggling over the edge.

 

[MR Candyslut]

One thing I cannot stand is false-happiness. Such as people putting on jolly faces when, in reality, they're on the edge of a cliff with one foot wiggling over the edge.

Of course - and that is why i used to detest it when people, particularly older people, would say things like "you just have to put a smile on your face and be happy, blah blah blah...". It is the most inane advice that people can offer, and often one that lacks any empathy.

That is not what i was trying to get across.

More, placing the emphasis on the individual to be their own happiness, as opposed to conceptualising is as some arbitrary destination they work towards. Happiness lies within, and as trancegirlie said, no one person is any more, or any less, deservant of it than another.

You say it often feels like it's an endless pursuit? I think that is the very thing that causes people so much angst and unhappiness, when really, i don't think happiness is some place we arrive at. Rather, it is constantly within.

 

[Kerrigan]

Well that's the whole thing, isn't it? Materialistic culture forces us to pursue impossible, or fairly improbable goals of riches and luxuries. Our ideas of happiness are warped, creating the scenario mentioned above, where nothing is actually enough; there's always more to have, more to want, more to be. Better better better.

But, of course happiness can come from within and often does. Do we even realise we're happy when we are? Of course we all deserve it; it's a basic human emotion. It's forbidden for the depressed, of course.

What I'm trying to say is that, although we may find happiness and, indeed, contentment within ourselves and our own lives, our own culture forces us to fight against such things in order to 'achieve'.

I don't doubt your claim that people deserve to be happy. I just understand why some people don't think that it's possible, or that they don't deserve it themselves, when it's simply a temporary mood-change that's causing those sorts of thoughts. Or, in some cases, an unavoidably permanent alteration of mood causing those sorts of thoughts.

 

[getreal]

Of course - and that is why i used to detest it when people, particularly older people, would say things like "you just have to put a smile on your face and be happy, blah blah blah...". It is the most inane advice that people can offer, and often one that lacks any empathy.

I hate that shit too. It doesnt work and fuck that reverse psychology crap. Some, (and me being one of them) just dont/cant/wont fall for it.

 

[wastenothing]

"Why is god doing this to me ?"

Nobody or nothing is doing anything to "you"
Happiness comes from a action ,you help a 80 year old across the street ,she thank you ,you help a 15 years old realize "e" is not a;ll its crack up to be ,you lost 5 lbs

At the end of the day you did 2 things wrong and 5 things right


you feel a sense of accomplishment

whether the positive emotional style is more akin to a personality trait as opposed to being in a state of happiness at any one moment. [Happiness] is associated with — although distinct from — feeling optimistic, purposeful, resilient or having a sense of vigor


a sense of engagement with others — whether love or friendships or social community involvement — as well as a sense of influence at work, a sense of meaning in life, such as using one’s personal strengths toward a larger end, and living in a safe neighborhood are more important than the experience of pleasure or income.

 

[Pomplemous]

What is it to be happy and do you deserve it? Do you have to reasses what happy means to you to get it?

change happy for normal - its the same old debate. but it's important to have it if you are on the quest to reach it.

ghandara

its important to have a joint in your hand when you have it......standby

ok. why would someone not deserve to not know what it means to smile - to feel the warmth of happiness? not talking about evil criminals - talking about you and me, day to day joe/josephine bloggs?

Yes I think that you have to reassess what your idea of happiness is and to stop waiting so hard and intensely for happiness so that you miss it and all the opprtunities while you wait.

wishing so hard for happiness that nothing ever quite hits the mark.

apparently the model of happiness according to some decider is the following


1) survival. (having food and water and shelter)
2) safety (being safe from threat or health problems)
3) love and belonging (knowng somewhere you are loved)
4) self esteem
5) self actualisation (where you finally reach a point where you feel you have done everything you ever ever wanted to in life)

a tall order - when do you ever reach that point?

for me, i changed my idea of happy - I have always found the simple things happy but i make sure i look at everything in a new light so that i can find my pot of gold for the day - a beautiful cloud, the colour of the sun in the trees, the birdsong, a cat that comes to see me, a really tasty tea time

its all the wdcree things becaus then i am never disappointed.

i dont mind being a freak because i am happy

 

[wastenothing]

Mazlows Hierarchy of needs

 

[SmC]

The trick i've found to happiness is that you have to ALLOW yourself to be happy if you want to be, stop waiting for it to come and wondering if you deserve it or not, and just allow it to happen. I've just been doing this myself.

 

[Mind-Melt]

Mazlows Hierarchy of needs

it's Maslow.

 

[B9]

Always be happy!


The end!

 

[lady grey]

Of course - and that is why i used to detest it when people, particularly older people, would say things like "you just have to put a smile on your face and be happy, blah blah blah...". It is the most inane advice that people can offer, and often one that lacks any empathy..

I dont think people have any idea how much WORSE this makes things. Masking depression is one of the most painfull things you will go through. i know as i did it, simply because it wasnt acceptable by a lot of people in my life for me to be depressed.

It took my mum forcing it out of me & telling me its okay to cry about it, to talk about it. Then letting go of those friendships & eventually i guess finding this forum to gradually start to realise you shouldnt have to mask what you feel, rather accept it, in order to move past it.

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” ~ Dalai Lama

^^ i quiet like this quote

 

[B9]

^I like that quote also!

 

[9mmCensor]

I live by the philosophy that everyone deserves to be happy. That means everyone should have the freedom to do what makes them happy, as long as it does not hurt anyone else.

 

[ninjadanslarbretabar]

for me its like physical health, you must work out to be in shape,
so you must be knowing what make you happy, and doing it !

most people are lucky enough too not fall in them,
but depression is like trying to get out of quicksand ,
if you move you die (thinking too much, over analyzing),
if you don't move you die...
and usually you need some external help...

^how often do we see a characters die of sadness in a kid (neverending)story

 

[sushii]

^ aww, that bit used to make me bawl my eyes out as a kid! mum used to make me fast forward it. I don't know why, because I don't really like horses.....but still......

I like to think everyone has the capacity to live a fulfilling life. 'Deserve' probably isn't the right word for it, because it conjours up an image of someone expecting things to go their way all the time then complaining when it doesn't. And I agree that by assuming you should be happy all the time you're setting yourself up for misery when things (inevitably) take a turn for the worse.

But I do think that happiness - or at least the potential for happiness - is someone everyone has a right to. And I don't mean the sort of happiness that comes with having a shiny new bmw, either....

I don't think any of that made much sense, sorry.