Do you have a significant other you do drugs with? How has that affected your relationship?

[washingtonbound]

One thing I feel I missed out on in my youth was having someone that meant something to me to do drugs with. This never transpired partially because I was dealing with mental health issues that made me very withdrawn. I had a couple instances of sloppy drugged out sex in one night stand situations, but they weren’t too desirable. I never got to do things like having sex on acid with someone really important.

What has your experience been like?

 

[Nopers86]

It is devastating. I do not wish it upon my worst enemy. When you use together you watch the person you once knew and loved turn into a stranger. Everything about their personality and they way they treat you changes completely, Their whole outlook on the world is different. You are left in a state of shock, hurt, disbelief, and bewilderment because you're stuck with someone who is destroying you from the inside out. Staying with them because they were your soulmate and every part of you remains loyal to the person they once were praying for the day they come back to you, -- you;ll try to quit using the substance, "together"or at least say you will but, one of you will start using and the other starts right back up out of spite because the other did. You aren't missing a thing unless heartache and pain is the experience in life that you are looking to obtain.

 

[VerbalTruist]

It is devastating. I do not wish it upon my worst enemy. When you use together you watch the person you once knew and loved turn into a stranger. Everything about their personality and they way they treat you changes completely, Their whole outlook on the world is different. You are left in a state of shock, hurt, disbelief, and bewilderment because you're stuck with someone who is destroying you from the inside out. Staying with them because they were your soulmate and every part of you remains loyal to the person they once were praying for the day they come back to you, -- you;ll try to quit using the substance, "together"or at least say you will but, one of you will start using and the other starts right back up out of spite because the other did. You aren't missing a thing unless heartache and pain is the experience in life that you are looking to obtain.

Welcome to Bluelight. Thank you for sharing that post.

My situation was similar. When I was trying to stop using I had an SO who wanted to keep exploring themselves and us through substances. I had blocked out that kind of stuff bc frankly, it was traumatic as fuck. Wasn’t until nearly a decade later I found letters from when I was in rehab and remembered all of the litany of codependent and toxic stuff that went on with them.

I know that there are couples who are solid with it though. Everyone’s experience is different.

 

[DieselNDope]

It is devastating. I do not wish it upon my worst enemy. When you use together you watch the person you once knew and loved turn into a stranger. Everything about their personality and they way they treat you changes completely, Their whole outlook on the world is different. You are left in a state of shock, hurt, disbelief, and bewilderment because you're stuck with someone who is destroying you from the inside out. Staying with them because they were your soulmate and every part of you remains loyal to the person they once were praying for the day they come back to you, -- you;ll try to quit using the substance, "together"or at least say you will but, one of you will start using and the other starts right back up out of spite because the other did. You aren't missing a thing unless heartache and pain is the experience in life that you are looking to obtain.

Fuck me...this is way too accurate and it hurts to even read it..
Thank you for writing this.

 

[Nopers86]

Welcome to Bluelight. Thank you for sharing that post.

My situation was similar. When I was trying to stop using I had an SO who wanted to keep exploring themselves and us through substances. I had blocked out that kind of stuff bc frankly, it was traumatic as fuck. Wasn’t until nearly a decade later I found letters from when I was in rehab and remembered all of the litany of codependent and toxic stuff that went on with them.

I know that there are couples who are solid with it though. Everyone’s experience is different.

Thank you. It was difficult to do as I am still in the situation and am usually a very private person. I find the atmosphere here welcoming and accepting and see myself sharing a lot more. Again, Thank You!

 

[VerbalTruist]

Thank you. It was difficult to do as I am still in the situation and am usually a very private person. I find the atmosphere here welcoming and accepting and see myself sharing a lot more. Again, Thank You!

In general we’re a pretty close and private community. You’re safe sharing here.

 

[WickedCalamity]

One thing I feel I missed out on in my youth was having someone that meant something to me to do drugs with. This never transpired partially because I was dealing with mental health issues that made me very withdrawn. I had a couple instances of sloppy drugged out sex in one night stand situations, but they weren’t too desirable. I never got to do things like having sex on acid with someone really important.

What has your experience been like?

My husband and I met at a lifering meeting; he was the facilitator and I was accidentally half an hour early.
We quickly relapsed and he was kind enough to trade crack for side and down so our addictions could cohabitate.
Its seventeen long ass years later, and we love eachother madly and still spend all our time together getting high. We gave up the pretense long ago that we'd ever clean up and stoped lying and stealing from our families. We stopped doing most crime too and we really do enjoy life for the most part.

 

[lovemissile66]

I will second everything Noper86 said, and add that my SO was a casual heroin user, weekend thing. I had no idea. Fell in love with him and six months in gave the ultimatum: me or dope. At that time, it was easy for him to quit, as he was just chipping. He chose our relationship. We had six beautiful years together. Then we hit a period of becoming too comfortable and I felt neglected. I cheated, something I will regret for the rest of my life. I came clean to him, but it destroyed him. He
went back to what he knew would numb that pain. I kicked him out. Then I got curious. And I shot dope for the first time with him. Subconsciously, he knew if I started using, I would stick around. And he was damn right. Only my habit turned out to be bigger than his. He moved back in and the real addiction started, about
a year back in. Spent the next 15 years chasing it. Too much more to this story, ultimately, I lost him in 2016. Died before my eyes. Traumatic and deeply depressing
experience. I am still working my way back. We were constantly trying to get back to the 'good years'. It was futile with both of us active users. Mind you, we had some great times while using, but they took a backseat eventually. Because the dope always comes first.

 

[washingtonbound]

It is devastating. I do not wish it upon my worst enemy. When you use together you watch the person you once knew and loved turn into a stranger. Everything about their personality and they way they treat you changes completely, Their whole outlook on the world is different. You are left in a state of shock, hurt, disbelief, and bewilderment because you're stuck with someone who is destroying you from the inside out. Staying with them because they were your soulmate and every part of you remains loyal to the person they once were praying for the day they come back to you, -- you;ll try to quit using the substance, "together"or at least say you will but, one of you will start using and the other starts right back up out of spite because the other did. You aren't missing a thing unless heartache and pain is the experience in life that you are looking to obtain.

I suppose I thought that it would be nice to have a relationship with someone who engaged in more casual drug use, like some of the girls who frequent music festivals. Someone to drop acid with or roll with every so often. I always see a lot of couples at those festivals and thought to myself that it would be nice to have the same experience. But maybe I was living in a fantasy and trumping things up a bit, because use can obviously always escalate.

 

[washingtonbound]

My husband and I met at a lifering meeting; he was the facilitator and I was accidentally half an hour early.
We quickly relapsed and he was kind enough to trade crack for side and down so our addictions could cohabitate.
Its seventeen long ass years later, and we love eachother madly and still spend all our time together getting high. We gave up the pretense long ago that we'd ever clean up and stoped lying and stealing from our families. We stopped doing most crime too and we really do enjoy life for the most part.

Wow, and you’ve been using crack the whole time?

 

[G_Chem]

Generally positive.

First I’ll say that I too as young lad dreamed of the days I’d find that girl who I could share romantic drug fueled nights with.. I did eventually meet that girl who’s now my wife all these years later.

When we met I was the bad boy addicted to heroin, drinking all the time, snorting cocaine. I was the kind of guy to walk straight up to your girl and start hitting on her just to piss you off. Actually got surrounded at a party one night cuz of that shit, anywhoo..

She was pretty innocent at the time, had only smoked weed and drank a couple times. Grew up in a strict Christian home and looking back she wanted to break free, as I remember saying I was the one to break her out of her shell.

I started off introducing her VERY slowly to things, mostly drugs I felt were safe. When I mean slow, I mean based on her telling it, frustratingly slow lol. I loved her and didn’t want anything bad to happen.

We’ve had some great times together though. One experience we took kayaks out to these river islands we knew no one could walk up on us. Found a spot that was windy and bug free, also some nice sandy beach spots.

We took MDMA, MDA and LSD and just melted into the lovely day. Nothing needed to happen except exist in that moment. I remember at point we stood, her in my arm and watched for a long time as the fluffy clouds and their shadows scooted over the ridge across the river.

Then we ‘yaked back to a cabin we had rented like 2min away. We got back just in time as a nasty thunderstorm came rolling in so we watched from the safety of our cabin the lightning flash about.

Of course there’s those Cocaine fueled fuck-a-thons, but sadly not many these days. Maybe I’m getting old. I mostly cherish the MDMA experiences though.

-GC

 

[VerbalTruist]

My husband and I met at a lifering meeting; he was the facilitator and I was accidentally half an hour early.
We quickly relapsed and he was kind enough to trade crack for side and down so our addictions could cohabitate.
Its seventeen long ass years later, and we love eachother madly and still spend all our time together getting high. We gave up the pretense long ago that we'd ever clean up and stoped lying and stealing from our families. We stopped doing most crime too and we really do enjoy life for the most part.

I’d be totally interested to know what you think your quality of life is now vs before when you kept a pretense.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

With a serious romantic relationship I think it's generally not advisable. I say 'generally' because everybody is different and as one of the above posts illustrates, it's possible to go solid as a using couple. It's just not very common because you have to be settled into the same using pattern - won't work if one of you has a vastly larger appetite for the stuff then your other half. Won't work if one of you starts putting the drugs over the relationship either; but like I said some people do carry it off.

... As for myself, sometimes I've wished that my partner was also a user, but now I'd happily settle for him just being able to be ok-ish with ME using. He objects to drug use on principle, so it doesn't matter however careful I was or that I was not using heavily etc. I've been served an ultimatum and I'm NOT happy about it.

... The one close and meaningful relationship in my life that involved regular drug use together was a friendship, not a romantic attachment. I very much miss that sharing of the experience. He was the only person I ever trusted to shoot me up and vice versa, and it was a bond I don't think I'll ever have with anyone else.

 

[Jabberwocky]

If both are addicted it is a death penalty for the relationship. But if not and if drugs used are mdxx, psilocybin and LSD than that is altogether different story. Drugs can be used responsibly and it can have great impact on a relationship. But everything is double edged sward and it is a bit of playing with fire. Temperament, personality traits, previous experiences current state and obligations should all go into an equation. It can be positive (was for me and my wife...we are married for over a decade and are still in love), but can also quickly escalate into downward spiral.

For sex purposes cocaine (snorted) and amphetamines can be used - but with caution. As this types of substances can lead to crack cocaine, meth, opioids and benzos.

If you want to preserve relationship stay away from crack/IV cocaine, meth, opioids and benzodiazepines. Addiction, especially physical dependence should be avoided at all costs if you want to have well functioning relationship.

Just an opinion from a happily married person...

 

[washingtonbound]

With a serious romantic relationship I think it's generally not advisable. I say 'generally' because everybody is different and as one of the above posts illustrates, it's possible to go solid as a using couple. It's just not very common because you have to be settled into the same using pattern - won't work if one of you has a vastly larger appetite for the stuff then your other half. Won't work if one of you starts putting the drugs over the relationship either; but like I said some people do carry it off.

... As for myself, sometimes I've wished that my partner was also a user, but now I'd happily settle for him just being able to be ok-ish with ME using. He objects to drug use on principle, so it doesn't matter however careful I was or that I was not using heavily etc. I've been served an ultimatum and I'm NOT happy about it.

... The one close and meaningful relationship in my life that involved regular drug use together was a friendship, not a romantic attachment. I very much miss that sharing of the experience. He was the only person I ever trusted to shoot me up and vice versa, and it was a bond I don't think I'll ever have with anyone else.

I always wondered about users who are in relationships with those who object to drug use on principle like you said. Wouldn't that create a pretty extreme rift in the relationship, and cause a major lack of meeting of the minds? I can understand someone not wanting their partner to indulge in addiction, but as far as just regular drug use, not really. I would argue that it's selfish of him to have such a black and white view on the situation. Is there a reason why you are set on continuing with the relationship despite this? Sorry I just can't understand how you'd be able to get along with someone like that.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

I always wondered about users who are in relationships with those who object to drug use

There's nothing much to wonder. You don't choose who you fall for. Same as two people with wildly differing cultural backgrounds, political or religious convictions can find themselves in love.

on principle like you said.

He's fine with alcohol and weed, but nothing else. And growing up where he did, where drug-related crime (both gang violence and that committed by the countless street junkies) is constantly present, I can't exactly blame him.

Wouldn't that create a pretty extreme rift in the relationship

It can and it has. We nearly broke up over it several times.

I can understand someone not wanting their partner to indulge in addiction, but as far as just regular drug use, not really. I would argue that it's selfish of him to have such a black and white view on the situation.

I am / was an iv heroin user ; I reckon that'd push most people's tolerance limits. And you might just as well argue I'M the selfish one for wanting to continue using when it causes my partner so much distress, especially since it's the only thing he asks of me.

Plus I've contributed plenty to confirming his poor view of drug users. I used on an occasion where I'd solemnly promised him I wouldn't beforehand; I kept pushing him on the issue when initially he just might have been reluctantly willing to turn a blind eye to weekend use ; I traumatized him when I overdosed in the middle of a phone call; and I pretty much tricked him into the relationship by allowing him to get serious KNOWING drugs would be a deal-breaker for him, but not owning up until some four years in. The guy deserves a medal for sticking with me.

Is there a reason why you are set on continuing with the relationship despite this? Sorry I just can't understand how you'd be able to get along with someone like that.

Simple ; he's the love of my life. The drug issue aside I cannot see myself being this compatible with anyone else.

 

[Nopers86]

Thanks for allowing me to open up here. It has helped me to open up in my first independent post. I enjoy all of your responses here similar or different than mine. I am glad to hear that there are some successful couples using together and that not everyone's life has to be ruined by the experience. Then it gets my brain going like- Whats' the missing ingredient? Why did we go so wrong? What is the key to keep the level of trust you must posses? I ask only so that I may obtain these attributes and apply them to my relationship. - Using or not it sounds like there are some key things you have honed in on. Insights? Tips or tricks?

 

[PtahTek]

all relationships (many) that we used together/apart has always degrade eventually and ended.
26 years now with SO that is basically "straight edge" as far as illicit use of drugs.

 

[4meSM]

My gf is pretty straight edge besides alcohol and the occasional cannabis use (mostly edibles). She's ok with me doing some drugs because I'm kinda high functioning, but I wish we could at least trip or take MDMA together. I may be able to convince her one day.
Sometimes I fantasize about us doing meth together and having fun, but I'd never introduce her to that drug because I don't think she'll be able to manage it (seems like most people can't). Wish I could meet someone more like myself, yet at the same time I'm aware that it probably wouldn't work in a long-term relationship.

 

[BenzoEnthusiast]

No but when i was with my kids mam i used and sold heroin (we were just a couple with no kid at that point)
My partner kept asking me to let her try H. I said absolutely no chance at all, i may have sold it call me what you like but never supply it to someone i loved. Anyway i would keep the gear on a plate and scoop off orders so that it would be difficult to charge me with intent to supply (as it was personal )

Anyway discovered marks on my fiances legs and she disclosed she had been taking from the plate, and since i would not let or teach her to use she just jabbed it in her thighs. I broke down when i discovered this and everything went to shit from there. Karma maybe idk.

So now people think i got her on it knowingly which is the opposite of the truth but i can see how they would think that.

Resulted in- a horrible custody battle. Permanent break up and a child with a broken family that statistically..... is likely to do similar.