Do you ever get the ICKY sick feeling?

[GirlInterrupted]

It's a suck, disgusting, and degrading feeling.
You feel dirty and almost nauseous.

This happens to me whenever I get flashbacks of when I was using. Those bad memories of my life that I wish I could erase.

It's almost the same sick feeling I get when I think about when I was raped.

So degrading.
I feel so ashamed and dirty.
This feeling makes the fight to stay clean even harder because I could so easily say "Fuck it" and use again to forget the pain.

Is it just me or you feel icky sometimes too? and why...
Maybe it will help me feel better knowing I'm not alone...

 

[n3ophy7e]

Yep, hun, I definitely get those "icky" sick feelings. It's a feeling of shame and guilt, and of embarrassment.

All I can say is, from my own experience, that these feelings DO gradually get weaker with time. I find it also helps to talk about how I'm feeling, the memories, and why they make me feel bad.
Do you see a therapist at all?

 

[bodhisattvaeimaj]

Those feelings can be positive or negative depending on how you look at it. You remember the negative feelings and they remind you of why you made a change in your life. It's important not to dwell on this though as your still clinging to your past subconsciously, and like you said this can lead you to the thought of using again. Enjoy life as who you are in the present moment.

 

[Ds]

all the time girl.
when i smell something that reminds me of dope, i want to puke all the time.
it's gotten a lot better now that i'm over the physical withdraws. the mental w/d's are still lingering.
gotta find something that works for u.
in my case i rub my belly, and just take *5. seems to work

lots of sprite to, and ice chips.

 

[User Name Here]

I know exactly how you feel. It truly is akin to the feelings caused by being raped =/ I normally try to get my mind off of these things by doing something that keeps me busy AND makes me feel better like exercising, volunteering for a certain cause, helping others, taking anything related to your past that brings up bad memories and place it at Goodwill or Salvation Army, etc. All of these things make a person feel good about themselves and will hopefully make you feel better!

 

[ocean]

Yep, hun, I definitely get those "icky" sick feelings. It's a feeling of shame and guilt, and of embarrassment.

All I can say is, from my own experience, that these feelings DO gradually get weaker with time. I find it also helps to talk about how I'm feeling, the memories, and why they make me feel bad.
Do you see a therapist at all?

N3o is right.......
the feelings do get weaker............
Keep your head up and look forward

 

[swilow]

I get it too. Its kind of helpful; we can condition our minds to directly, physically react to thoughts; its almost like aversion therapy (if you've seen A Clockwork Orange, that might make sense...)

Subject of this novel, Nausea...Its the human condition.

But cherish the sick-feeling; its an indication that your desire to be and stay clean has reached into the most primal, ancient parts of your mind. It can take a lifetime for people to get where you are.

Peace