• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

Divorce situation

M

mawalters

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
2
Hi, my parents are currently going through a divorce and I have decided to write about it, being a writer it helps me overcome these sort of situations.

Is there anyone who has been through a divorce recently. It would mean a lot to me.

Thank you very much,

M x
 
Last edited:
Like what part of the situation are you trying to overcome, the divorce or your feelings about it? Divorcing parents sucks. If writing helps you go ahead.
 
I'm trying to overcome the divorce, come to terms with how it's come about.
It does suck! And I'm the eldest so I have to hold it together!
 
the op needs to put some situational details in and explain their story if they want to get helpful advice...
 
Divorce rates in the developed world are very high. More than half of all marriages end in divorce, and that figure is rapidly rising.
It's very common.
My folks got divorced when I was two years old, my father disappeared and I never saw him again. He's dead now.
I got divorced a few years ago.
My current partner got divorced last year.
My mother got divorced 3 times over 25 years.

In each case children were involved, and in each case children/young adults were affected in different ways.

As a child/young adult, it's important to try to maintain good, regular contact with each parent, do not blame yourself for anything that's happened, and do not blame one or the other parent, no matter what's happened. It's better for folks to be happy apart than be together and fighting.

You'll enter a new phase of relationship with you parents. Let it be a positive phase, and remember that divorce is very common and it's normally a healthy way to ease the pains of attempting to continue a broken partnership. You will encounter a host of emotions and questions regards the split. Share them with your parents and work through it together. Do not feel alone!

Good luck :)
 
I'm sorry you're going through this. I'll tell you that it's probably for the best. Your parents weren't happy, so it's probably best they're apart. I grew up wishing my parents would divorce because the fighting was so bad.
 
I can't believe how divorce affects some people; I was very young when my parents divorced, and so I don't remember feeling any sort of way about it. I remember them arguing on one or two occasions, and so that really upset me, but it wasn't so bad... I wonder how I would have felt about it if I had been older.
 
I going through a "separation" right now. My husband has a 10 year old son. I've been with them since he was 3. I often wonder how our separation is affecting him. I feel bad because I really do love my stepson. Im afraid that if my husband and I actually divorce, that I will never see him again. I've gotten my own place and I still see them on the weekends, however, the issues we had that pushed me to move out, are still there. I try real hard not to fight around him, but its hard. Divorce sucks for all parties involved.
 
Tude said:
I'm sorry you're going through this. I'll tell you that it's probably for the best. Your parents weren't happy, so it's probably best they're apart. I grew up wishing my parents would divorce because the fighting was so bad.
Click to expand...

This. Lots of this.

My wife and I almost divorced last summer. We probably shouldn't have been married in the first place, and we should have let the divorce go through. Things are worse now than they were before. It's hard to accept, but if a relationship is so broken that divorce is being considered, then it's probably for the best. Staying together when neither person wants to be there doesn't help anybody. I understand not wanting to see your parents split up, and for a kid (I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing late teens; 18 or 19 maybe?) sometimes it's not immediately obvious that things will be better in the long run if the parents are allowed to pursue other avenues of happiness (new relationships or complete freedom from relationships). When they get divorced, it's easy to say "them getting divorced ruined everything!" but you don't and can't know that because you never had to experience what it would have been like if they forced themselves to stay together. It could have been WAY worse had they not gotten divorced. I know that's how it is in my case. My relationship with my wife is a hundred times worse now than it was when we were separated.

Best of luck to you though. If writing about it helps, then do it. Do lots of it. Do whatever it takes to cope and come to terms with it.
 
I remember sitting in my room with my sister listening to my parents fight and both of us talking about wishing our parents would divorce. Then, when it happened, it sucked bad for a time. We had to leave our house, and my mom went batshit crazy and we were stuck living with her. My dad later admitted that he was afraid to leave us alone with her, because she would take her anger issues out on us. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents to avoid my mom.

But, now I look back and my mom made my dad miserable. He's a totally different person now in a good way. I'm really really happy for my dad and his relationship, even though we hated her at first. lol My dad got away and did his thing, but took us out on Fridays. My mom was always miserable and crazy, so I don't think she would have been ok either way. All that would have happened is my sister and I would have left the house and my dad would still be miserable.
 
I guess that I have a lot of resentment toward my father now, but, at the time, I wasn't so traumatized by the divorce or anything at all like that. I was so young.

I'm a little resentful now though because, well, even though he always payed child support, and he would pick us up on the weekends, he just wasn't there to help us out with our mother who was -- and still is -- insane. The woman is so manic, so depressed, so miserable, so neurotic, and living with her was not easy. He wasn't there for any of it, and so, while he fulfilled his responsibilities as a child-support-paying, weekend dad, he just wasn't there to provide any sort of emotional support.

And now, some twenty years later, the guy moves back in! How bizarre is that? He still owns half the house, of course, and so when my sister moved out I guess he figured, "shit, why am I paying rent when I could be living in that house?" He literally just moved in one day, and it was so unbelievably weird.

I don't know. I should count my blessings that the divorce was fairly amicable, that I was too young to be more traumatized by it than I was, and that he at least put forth some effort to pick us up on the weekends and spend some time with us. Just wish he would have been there for the uh... you know... the more emotionally-exhausting moments when I really could have used a better example of how to deal with stressful moments.
 
If my parents had divorced, I definitely would've wanted to live with my dad. He leaves me alone. If I need something, he's always there, but he knows I'm independent. My mom is a helicopter lol. That and other things are why I don't like her. The irony is my dad stayed with her for my sister and I's sake. Ugh, if only he'd realized a broken home is better than a dysfunctional one!
 
I will echo the comments of those above - My folks divorced when i was 20 - it was fucking ugly - it involved police at our place late at night, restraining orders...it was horrid. I was living out of home at the time, but was getting phone calls late at night from mum in tears, my dad went a bit nuts for a while (mum was divorcing him). it all ended up with my dad moving to England for about 10 years. I wish so much they had divorced when i was young, i think things would have been vastly different for me.

Vent here as much as you want or need to, you have loads of support from many of us who have been through a similar situation - my advice to you is, in as much as you can, try to be as detached as you can from their situation, don't allow yourself to become involved or be used in any way (not saying that this will happen, but speaking from my experience, it definitely can happen) and keep talking, writing, anything you can do to get through - it will get better <3
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top