Eligiu
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2017
- Messages
- 1,428
Warning, LONG post because background information.
I had a private session with a royal commission officer today about the instance where I was sexually harassed by a paid disability support worker due to being trans.
The worker indicated that he didn't know how I identified, which is bizarre considering I look biologically male. We later found out that his confusion was due to not believing that I could possibly be assigned female at birth, as there was just no way I could have transitioned to male, and look at good as I do. Stunningly, he had an LGBT friendly badge on his profile, and I didn't hire people without them.
I sort of sighed and said 'im a trans man. He/him' even though my support profile and ad both specify that information, which I do to try to filter out bad people, and filter in good people. It can work, I did get a gay worker that way.
Then that's when things started getting whack. He asked me why I was assigned female and whether I was a hermaphrodite. I saw no, and he said 'oh you're assigned female because of you're anatomy' and I thought he was getting it.
Then, he asks whether I have a penis or a vagina. May I reiterate that this man was a *paid* disability support worker who apparently has clearance to work with vulnerable people, of which I am one, extremely so.
Oddly, I actually started answering these questions I normally would not. From what I've kind of thought, I think the shock at who was asking me the questions, the power imbalance, the fact that I've passed as cis for like 7 years now and while before hormones I introduced myself as a trans man using he/him pronouns which would then result in the inevitable genital questions, that seemed a fair trade off for not getting misgendered. So it had been just so long I was sort of caught off guard. Also, my autism makes me very naive and want to help, and be honest, so there's that, and a trauma response from when I *have* told people their questions are inappropriate I get things like 'wow I thought you people wanted us to learn about you' or such variations. So here I was fucking nodding my dumb ass head along.
He then asked if I still had periods.
Then, he asked if I stopped testosterone would my boobs grow back (impressive this one, invasive and dumb).
Then, the crowing jewel. He asked if he could see a picture of me as a teenage girl before I transitioned. It was at *this* stage the autistic delay wore off and I was like 'ah yikes, somehow in 10 years you have managed to ask me a question that has creeped me out in a brand new way.
He also said while he did it that he was 'asking to be a better mentor for me' which upon reflection, really felt like he was leading me into answering.
Pretty suspicious that his invasive questions ended at the stage at which I said no, I have no photos (of course I fucking do, they're just all at my mum's house).
Went to bed, woke up the next morning feeling suuuuuuper gross and violated. Spoke to a friend. She said he sexually harassed me. Called my recovery coach (woman who admins my funding) and she blew her lid.
She contacted him, I told her that he would state he was 'just trying to learn' because that is true for some people, however others use it maliciously and unless you're trans it's almost impossible to tell the difference. I knew which one it was because of the questions. She called, he didn't deny it. She called me back and said he apologised and seemed like he was trying to learn.
I pointed out, if he was then why did the questions continue after I answered how to indentify me?
So I reported him in this Royal Commission and had my private session today. The commissioner officer was appalled by what the guy did to me, and even more so to find out all that happened is they company took the LGBT badge off his provide and had a 'stern word.' If *I* did that to my clients at my agency I'd be rightfully fired.
It's so frustrating to know that even though I've had a chance to share my story with the Royal Commission, and not everyone does (they pick serious issues), this guy still basically faces zero repercussions. The company won't even put my negative review on his support profile? How is that fair? People should know he sexually harassed me.
I have finally realised after reaching a new low point I'm my lack of ability to function, that my disabilities do make me a vulnerable person. I never thought I was, because 'law degree' or 'smart(ish)' or 'is a support worker' but when I need 24/7 care because of needing to see my dad, and I legitimately vomited before I saw him, and I allow people to constantly take advantage of (in ways I won't detail) well yeah, I am vulnerable. Like I have to completely reconceptualise myself from where I thought I'd be, to where I am now.
A guy who can't even tell a support worker to not ask him about his genitals, and to request that he be given the appropriate funding he needs since they forgot to include a couple twenty thousand for what could be life-changing therapy.
I just get into such terrible situations with this, like naively believing another forum member was not about to go on an explicit hatred filled rage fest about me in my thread. I never liked that member but I thought he could be civil, and then I get slammed by that and think 'wow a whole new low, thanks brain for not ignoring him from the start.'
It's interesting that I don't actually have much of any gender dysphoria anymore. I have euphoria. From being perceived as male. But I don't pay any attention to the bits I don't like, the surgery is unaffordable anyway so why let myself dream. So yeah, transitioning has done wonders for my gender dysphoria, and my anxiety and depressed, and I am not trans due to abuse I was actually abused due to being trans (55% report this). It's the fucking minority stress that comes from living in this society where my existence as a person is constantly questioned, invalidated, judged, insulted. Yeah, my higher rate of mental illness is cause of that, guys.
It's not like, 'oh Eli is still depressed after he transitioned it didn't help him' yes it did I could not be happier. What I loathe and despite is when I run into someone who needs to proclaim expertise on the issue from a cis standpoint. I can't understand being cis no more than they can understand being trans. They can have an education opinion, but they can't be an expert.
The concept that people like me are doing anything except trying to live our lives is damaging. Sure, maybe some people take it too far idk. But if I'd been told about trans men as a child I would have known as a child. I just didn't.
I'm so tired and I hate how this guy has ruined my ability to hire any support workers not from an LGBT agency. Like I can't trust anymore.
Why can't I actually have my needs taken into account with this shit? It isn't hard. The worker doesn't even need to be trans. Just actively not shit. Even some of my current ones have said crappy things and I just go 'hey man, kinda uncool' and they fix it.
Basically the Commission Officer said he would like to redact all my personal information from the submission and punish it as one of the key submission points to show were care is lacking for some participants who have complex needs. He said it is ridiculous that a paid professional support worker can put his own curiosity over the comfort of his vulnerable client and treat them so badly.
I was just glad the people listening to me didn't tell me that I was overreacting.
I had a private session with a royal commission officer today about the instance where I was sexually harassed by a paid disability support worker due to being trans.
The worker indicated that he didn't know how I identified, which is bizarre considering I look biologically male. We later found out that his confusion was due to not believing that I could possibly be assigned female at birth, as there was just no way I could have transitioned to male, and look at good as I do. Stunningly, he had an LGBT friendly badge on his profile, and I didn't hire people without them.
I sort of sighed and said 'im a trans man. He/him' even though my support profile and ad both specify that information, which I do to try to filter out bad people, and filter in good people. It can work, I did get a gay worker that way.
Then that's when things started getting whack. He asked me why I was assigned female and whether I was a hermaphrodite. I saw no, and he said 'oh you're assigned female because of you're anatomy' and I thought he was getting it.
Then, he asks whether I have a penis or a vagina. May I reiterate that this man was a *paid* disability support worker who apparently has clearance to work with vulnerable people, of which I am one, extremely so.
Oddly, I actually started answering these questions I normally would not. From what I've kind of thought, I think the shock at who was asking me the questions, the power imbalance, the fact that I've passed as cis for like 7 years now and while before hormones I introduced myself as a trans man using he/him pronouns which would then result in the inevitable genital questions, that seemed a fair trade off for not getting misgendered. So it had been just so long I was sort of caught off guard. Also, my autism makes me very naive and want to help, and be honest, so there's that, and a trauma response from when I *have* told people their questions are inappropriate I get things like 'wow I thought you people wanted us to learn about you' or such variations. So here I was fucking nodding my dumb ass head along.
He then asked if I still had periods.
Then, he asked if I stopped testosterone would my boobs grow back (impressive this one, invasive and dumb).
Then, the crowing jewel. He asked if he could see a picture of me as a teenage girl before I transitioned. It was at *this* stage the autistic delay wore off and I was like 'ah yikes, somehow in 10 years you have managed to ask me a question that has creeped me out in a brand new way.
He also said while he did it that he was 'asking to be a better mentor for me' which upon reflection, really felt like he was leading me into answering.
Pretty suspicious that his invasive questions ended at the stage at which I said no, I have no photos (of course I fucking do, they're just all at my mum's house).
Went to bed, woke up the next morning feeling suuuuuuper gross and violated. Spoke to a friend. She said he sexually harassed me. Called my recovery coach (woman who admins my funding) and she blew her lid.
She contacted him, I told her that he would state he was 'just trying to learn' because that is true for some people, however others use it maliciously and unless you're trans it's almost impossible to tell the difference. I knew which one it was because of the questions. She called, he didn't deny it. She called me back and said he apologised and seemed like he was trying to learn.
I pointed out, if he was then why did the questions continue after I answered how to indentify me?
So I reported him in this Royal Commission and had my private session today. The commissioner officer was appalled by what the guy did to me, and even more so to find out all that happened is they company took the LGBT badge off his provide and had a 'stern word.' If *I* did that to my clients at my agency I'd be rightfully fired.
It's so frustrating to know that even though I've had a chance to share my story with the Royal Commission, and not everyone does (they pick serious issues), this guy still basically faces zero repercussions. The company won't even put my negative review on his support profile? How is that fair? People should know he sexually harassed me.
I have finally realised after reaching a new low point I'm my lack of ability to function, that my disabilities do make me a vulnerable person. I never thought I was, because 'law degree' or 'smart(ish)' or 'is a support worker' but when I need 24/7 care because of needing to see my dad, and I legitimately vomited before I saw him, and I allow people to constantly take advantage of (in ways I won't detail) well yeah, I am vulnerable. Like I have to completely reconceptualise myself from where I thought I'd be, to where I am now.
A guy who can't even tell a support worker to not ask him about his genitals, and to request that he be given the appropriate funding he needs since they forgot to include a couple twenty thousand for what could be life-changing therapy.
I just get into such terrible situations with this, like naively believing another forum member was not about to go on an explicit hatred filled rage fest about me in my thread. I never liked that member but I thought he could be civil, and then I get slammed by that and think 'wow a whole new low, thanks brain for not ignoring him from the start.'
It's interesting that I don't actually have much of any gender dysphoria anymore. I have euphoria. From being perceived as male. But I don't pay any attention to the bits I don't like, the surgery is unaffordable anyway so why let myself dream. So yeah, transitioning has done wonders for my gender dysphoria, and my anxiety and depressed, and I am not trans due to abuse I was actually abused due to being trans (55% report this). It's the fucking minority stress that comes from living in this society where my existence as a person is constantly questioned, invalidated, judged, insulted. Yeah, my higher rate of mental illness is cause of that, guys.
It's not like, 'oh Eli is still depressed after he transitioned it didn't help him' yes it did I could not be happier. What I loathe and despite is when I run into someone who needs to proclaim expertise on the issue from a cis standpoint. I can't understand being cis no more than they can understand being trans. They can have an education opinion, but they can't be an expert.
The concept that people like me are doing anything except trying to live our lives is damaging. Sure, maybe some people take it too far idk. But if I'd been told about trans men as a child I would have known as a child. I just didn't.
I'm so tired and I hate how this guy has ruined my ability to hire any support workers not from an LGBT agency. Like I can't trust anymore.
Why can't I actually have my needs taken into account with this shit? It isn't hard. The worker doesn't even need to be trans. Just actively not shit. Even some of my current ones have said crappy things and I just go 'hey man, kinda uncool' and they fix it.
Basically the Commission Officer said he would like to redact all my personal information from the submission and punish it as one of the key submission points to show were care is lacking for some participants who have complex needs. He said it is ridiculous that a paid professional support worker can put his own curiosity over the comfort of his vulnerable client and treat them so badly.
I was just glad the people listening to me didn't tell me that I was overreacting.
