Hi everyone,
Allow me to introduce someone,
<I am> a 30 year old guy who probably has a strange, yet not entirely uncommon life behind him.
Until <I> was 18 years old, he didn't drink a drop of beer, he didn't smoke, the only bad thing he did was drink lots of sugar-drinks and eat lots of candy.
But deep inside him there was this tiny seed that wanted to know what all these weird things like Special K would do to him.
<I> went on to college, took 2 different directions that fitted him like a pair of bad shoes. (architecture and criminology)
<I> got decent grades, yet failed around year 2/3. Around that time, a friend introduced <me> to that ganj. And to be honest; <I> was surprised he could feel good again, because after all these years of studying, behaving like a nun, it just took it's toll; <I> was so unhappy that a couple of tokes made him feel like he was in a place where only laughter and good feelings existed.
This changed everything. <I> then went on to make the best decision of his life: try the magical funghi. <I> experimented, experimented, and you get the idea. <I> thinks he had about 10 of those "I'm flying through the stars"-trips, and 1 or 2 "The devil is out to get me"-experiences.
But <I> couldn't study no more. He was no longer part of the system. He had no interest in the system. He wanted love, freedom, etc.
But oh, the wall that came crashing down on <me>. Instead of using the funghi's wisdom, he went on to do other stuff, anything <I> could find, He smoked it, snorted it, And just to make him feel good, right? And before you know it, SWIM became a full blown hedonist. Runaway poet, but always respectful of people. SWIM has about 2-3 actions he regrets, and he feels sorry for them to this day (years later).
<I> never was a thief, never a dealer, never a fighter, never anything but a confused soul, trying to get by.
Work? That was the strangest thing of all. <I> did <my> best at all his jobs (Some he held for a couple of weeks, some he held for 1-2 years), but instead of saving money, or doing something interesting with it, <I> was trying to numb some serious pain in his soul. SWIM actually was worse off with a job than without, because it meant he had more money to destroy his body on a daily basis. (the dole was 1/3 of a normal minimum wage, so <I> was doing 1/3 less damage to himself)
So that's about 10 years of serious abuse to <my> so called temple, but he's glad to say, SWIM never struck that needle in his vein. (and yes, he has had offers) SWIM never judged those who did it, <I> just knew that if he did it, he wouldn't make it till 30. And SWIM guesses he was right, yeah?
Now the dark part:
<I have> been on prescription drugs for a long time now. He thinks he's been taking buprenorphine for about 1,5 years now, 8 mg every day. SWIM once or twice tried to look what would happen if he were to stop, and it's always the same: day 1: 'hey, SWIM didn't even need his dose today!' day 2: 'Wait, something in <me> is going wrong' , and if <i> made it till day 3, he ended up praying to just about every god/goddess that he would never try to cold turkey buprenorphine again.
But now something has changed. The Divine Moment of Truth has shown <me> that his heart is hurting. Badly. And he wants to change everything that's bad into something good. So yeah,<,I'm> quickly withdrawing the buprenorphine.
3 days ago: 12 mg
2 days ago: 4 mg
Today: 1 mg
<I> doesn't even care that much about long-term withdrawal. He .. wants ... those ... damn ... pills .... out of his system.
And now, comes the interesting part. So with the last money <i> had, he bought about 5 liters of beer, and some of those damn benzodiazepines . <I > know it won't cover the nut, but hey, if you try, you try, and what's worse than not trying? Right, trying to say to yourself that your life as an addict is worth it. Maybe it is. Maybe you can manage. SWIM can't. SWIM can't function anymore. <I> doesn't eat right. <i> doesn't exercise, <I'm> not adjusted, he's exhausted, tired of his behavior, not tired of living, but wanting to make the best of his life.
So here you have it folks, I will try to keep you up to date with what happens to SWIM, and I hope this time his will and his heart will win, instead of that deadly need for pricy pleasures.
- any help/support/criticism is welcome-
Allow me to introduce someone,
<I am> a 30 year old guy who probably has a strange, yet not entirely uncommon life behind him.
Until <I> was 18 years old, he didn't drink a drop of beer, he didn't smoke, the only bad thing he did was drink lots of sugar-drinks and eat lots of candy.
But deep inside him there was this tiny seed that wanted to know what all these weird things like Special K would do to him.
<I> went on to college, took 2 different directions that fitted him like a pair of bad shoes. (architecture and criminology)
<I> got decent grades, yet failed around year 2/3. Around that time, a friend introduced <me> to that ganj. And to be honest; <I> was surprised he could feel good again, because after all these years of studying, behaving like a nun, it just took it's toll; <I> was so unhappy that a couple of tokes made him feel like he was in a place where only laughter and good feelings existed.
This changed everything. <I> then went on to make the best decision of his life: try the magical funghi. <I> experimented, experimented, and you get the idea. <I> thinks he had about 10 of those "I'm flying through the stars"-trips, and 1 or 2 "The devil is out to get me"-experiences.
But <I> couldn't study no more. He was no longer part of the system. He had no interest in the system. He wanted love, freedom, etc.
But oh, the wall that came crashing down on <me>. Instead of using the funghi's wisdom, he went on to do other stuff, anything <I> could find, He smoked it, snorted it, And just to make him feel good, right? And before you know it, SWIM became a full blown hedonist. Runaway poet, but always respectful of people. SWIM has about 2-3 actions he regrets, and he feels sorry for them to this day (years later).
<I> never was a thief, never a dealer, never a fighter, never anything but a confused soul, trying to get by.
Work? That was the strangest thing of all. <I> did <my> best at all his jobs (Some he held for a couple of weeks, some he held for 1-2 years), but instead of saving money, or doing something interesting with it, <I> was trying to numb some serious pain in his soul. SWIM actually was worse off with a job than without, because it meant he had more money to destroy his body on a daily basis. (the dole was 1/3 of a normal minimum wage, so <I> was doing 1/3 less damage to himself)
So that's about 10 years of serious abuse to <my> so called temple, but he's glad to say, SWIM never struck that needle in his vein. (and yes, he has had offers) SWIM never judged those who did it, <I> just knew that if he did it, he wouldn't make it till 30. And SWIM guesses he was right, yeah?
Now the dark part:
<I have> been on prescription drugs for a long time now. He thinks he's been taking buprenorphine for about 1,5 years now, 8 mg every day. SWIM once or twice tried to look what would happen if he were to stop, and it's always the same: day 1: 'hey, SWIM didn't even need his dose today!' day 2: 'Wait, something in <me> is going wrong' , and if <i> made it till day 3, he ended up praying to just about every god/goddess that he would never try to cold turkey buprenorphine again.
But now something has changed. The Divine Moment of Truth has shown <me> that his heart is hurting. Badly. And he wants to change everything that's bad into something good. So yeah,<,I'm> quickly withdrawing the buprenorphine.
3 days ago: 12 mg
2 days ago: 4 mg
Today: 1 mg
<I> doesn't even care that much about long-term withdrawal. He .. wants ... those ... damn ... pills .... out of his system.
And now, comes the interesting part. So with the last money <i> had, he bought about 5 liters of beer, and some of those damn benzodiazepines . <I > know it won't cover the nut, but hey, if you try, you try, and what's worse than not trying? Right, trying to say to yourself that your life as an addict is worth it. Maybe it is. Maybe you can manage. SWIM can't. SWIM can't function anymore. <I> doesn't eat right. <i> doesn't exercise, <I'm> not adjusted, he's exhausted, tired of his behavior, not tired of living, but wanting to make the best of his life.
So here you have it folks, I will try to keep you up to date with what happens to SWIM, and I hope this time his will and his heart will win, instead of that deadly need for pricy pleasures.
- any help/support/criticism is welcome-
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