Depersonalization different drugs

[Deathvalley69]

Depersonalization and different drugs

This is gonna be a long post so if you don't want to read all of this just skip to the last paragraph. So when I was 17 I had Depersonalization/derealization disorder triggered by weed. It was probably the most difficult experience of my life. It lasted for pretty much two years straight, and then I finally got out of it. I'm not entirely sure how, but at the time I was taking a tricyclic antidepressant called clomipramine (which has been known I help Depersonalization). I was also undergoing a major change of mind state and the way I viewed reality and the world. Basically I accepted I wouldn't see the world the same way again, and since this my symptoms almost completely disappeared. Either way, I am 21 now and I have been mostly Depersonalization/derealization free. During this time I have experimented with many drugs. Yes, this might seem foolish considering my mental health history but it's just my nature to want to experiment with my mind. However I feel that I have "conquered" my Depersonalization, if you will.

Out of all the drugs I've done, marijauna is the only one that consistently fucks me up, however when I do it nowadays the dissociation doesn't last past the high. I've done light doses of LSD and Psilocyben and have had only positive experiences with them. Any dissoiation was temporary and went away when I was sober.

I'm curious to how certain drugs affect people who have had a history with Depersonalization/derealization. Tell me your thoughts and experiences. It is my theory that once you have triggered
Depersonalization/derealization, you have seen something you can't unsee. There's no going back. But once you have come to terms and accepted this new perception of reality, your fear will go away and your symptoms will go away. At least I think that it is the case with myself.

 

[Dawglaw]

I had 9 months of dp/dr from MDMA. Working on myself and CBT helped me overcome it.

It has been over three years and I have done many different drugs (MDMA, LSD, AL-LAD, Weed, Ethanol, shrooms, coke, adderall, etc) since then with zero problems.

It was in my head. When I worked through it, it went away.

 

[Deathvalley69]

So when you smoke pot you don't experience any Depersonalization? When I smoke a significant amount I still get depersonalized but it doesn't really scare me anymore. However I still find it to be uncomfortable and mostly unenjoyable. 1 or 2 hits is fine but any more and I get depersonalized.

 

[neurotic]

It is my theory that once you have triggered
Depersonalization/derealization, you have seen something you can't unsee. There's no going back. But once you have come to terms and accepted this new perception of reality, your fear will go away and your symptoms will go away. At least I think that it is the case with myself.

My thoughts exactly.

For me, when I bothered to check "how dissociated I felt", marijuana and alcohol were the worst. Tripping on psychedelics was neutral, and I found that benzos or a big shot of coke would practically get rid of derealization. Instantly with coke. I can't make sense out of the cocaine, but the benzos are logical since IME anxiety worsened my derealization a lot.

I think marijuana only triggers it because it was the thing that triggered it in the first place. Like a learned fear or something. Somking weed while on benzos didn't worsen my DP/DR so i also think it has a strong relationship with anxiety.

I am curious about how NMDA antagonists affect DP/DR

 

[poonja]

It is interesting as many spiritual masters teach that "I am not my body,thoughts or feelings but consciousness itself" How does this differ from derealization/depersonalization?

 

[neurotic]

personally while experiencing DP/DR, everything felt more dull and distant, dreamy perhaps unreal. like something doesn't quite click.

i've seen articles where people with DP/DR actually showed less (measurable) emotional response to things such as images (visual hypoemotionality), impaired visual limbic connectivity or something.

it is my understanding that this is different from being mindful and realizing what you said.

you can observe your body, thoughts and feelings as a witness, whether they feel 'dull and unreal' (when having DP/DR) or 'warm and alive' (when 'normal'). one could say that having less instense feelings and thoughts (a more dull experience) would make it easier to become mindful and aware, since strong emotions are often what makes us lose our heads and it is easier to become mindful when we are calm, but in my personal experience, i don't find it to be true and find depersonalization extremely annoying as it makes everything feel dead - it's like your overall experience ('qualia'?) is diminished.

 

[Erikmen]

I used to have these feelings all the time when I was very young. I remember once starting to laugh loudly and uncontrolled immediately after we have gotten caught and it scarred the hell out of me.

I felt someone was inside my head controlling my actions and there was nothing I could have done.
That´s horrible. I felt very fearful all the time and my girl friend helped me out for hours while I was completely gone, tripping on every little tiny detail, and that happened every time I´d smoked pot. So I gave it up and moved on to other drugs.

But that is interesting because many years later by chance I smoked a very potent weed and had the most surreal trip. But at this time I was not afraid at all, so I figured that the disassociation had to do with the phase I was having then when the triggers were basically related to fear and somehow to my self esteem which I confess it was rather low back then.

 

[Deathvalley69]

I've done nitrous oxide before. While high, I definitely feel dissociated but it's not scary like Depersonalization. It feels very eurphoric. Sometimes after doing nitrous I feel dissociated for maybe 5 minutes or up to a couple of hours. I've never done ketamine or dxm but I wonder what they feel like. I'm almost thinking these dissociative drugs effects are different from Depersonalization disorder, in that they produce a pleasurable, enjoyable state of Depersonalization, while Depersonalization disorder is very negative and anxiety ridden.