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DEMON In My Closet...

Harley3311

Harley3311

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Oct 29, 2009
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I believe Tom Petty wrote a little song about it..
I've been clean from opiates for almost three months now. In my closet I have enough oc to keep me content for a good 24hrs if I wanted to use. Why you ask? Because even though I have cut my ties with dealers I still get asked all the time. When people would ask me I would obsess over buying the offer, so I figured fuck it I'll just get some so it won't bother me when I'm asked cause I have some if I was really going to relapse. I feel that it is the ultimate test of temptation for me to over come. They say keep your enemies closest but is this just fucked up to do to myself? I know the answer is obvious, but I can't help but feel I'm facing this thing heads on by being in arms reach and still thinking I don't need it. Well what are you going to do, just keep it forever, one might ask? No, it is sort of a savings bond for me, when I feel like I'm truly over this, I can make some much needed cash when needed, or if I fail i'll count my loss. Can anyone see another side to this besides a junky justifying a future fix? If not I can truly understand my idiotic justifications, but I can't help but but feel I'm facing the demon, face to face...:\
 
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IMO, I think its a bad idea. If you're a former addict I think you'll find one reason or another to justify the use. I'd try to get rid of them ASAP.
 
It seems like I always have pills laying around, I am still finding them in my shorts pockets. I know me personally if I have something laying around I usually, well always it seems take them until they are gone. I kept a large amount of benzos laying around this past year, never really took them until I decided I needed them for opiate w/d. It got to the point where all I would need to happen was that image of a white 2mg klonopin would pop into my head and no matter what the fuck I did usually with in 10 mins that pill was melting under my tongue. I am completely powerless over drugs, pills, what have you.

rambling.

peace,
seedless
 
I'd get rid of it too, it's too tempting. When you feel strong and resolved about stopping, it's easy to say that they are sitting there and that you don't want to use them, but what happens when you're feeling weak and not coping with withdrawals as much. As soon as you hit rock bottom, you'll find it incredibly hard to not touch them
 
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