Day 18, not sure if this counts as a relapse

[Tobli]

18 Days ago I went cold turkey from 100 mg hydromorphone a day habit over a 4 month period. I've used different meds for anxiety and insomnia but no opiates. I am one of those people that can have his stash and not eat it but I kinda of caved and had 2 Percocets tonight. Now I have caved from the same habit on day 4 and I know that the percs only last about 30 mins before the withdrawls overpower the euphoria.

its been 4 hours now and the buzz is fading but I feel no anxiety or pain/restlessness and I actually feel sleepy. Also my craving has been satisfied. I am beating myself up emotionally still cause it was unecessary and I feel a little less confident about the struggle although Im still resolved.

What do you guys think was that a bad idea consider I was on day 18.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

It's a lapse, not a relapse. Try to abstain again.

 

[Sixxam]

Playing with fire, my friend. Yes, percocet is nothing compared to hydros, but the fact that you're using solely for the buzz isn't good. Try to abstain as tpd mentioned, as it will only take a few doses to put you back in withdrawal.

I've decided that if I need real heavy pain relief on the future, it'll probably be from percocet. But will be monitored by my wife. I too just quit a long hydro habit. At about the same dose as you.

Did you could turkey? What was your r.o.a?

Hop back on the train my friend..

Hang tough
Sixx

 

[Jabberwocky]

Playing with fire, my friend. Yes, percocet is nothing compared to hydros, but the fact that you're using solely for the buzz isn't good. Try to abstain as Captain.Heroin mentioned, as it will only take a few doses to put you back in withdrawal.

I've decided that if I need real heavy pain relief on the future, it'll probably be from percocet. But will be monitored by my wife. I too just quit a long hydro habit. At about the same dose as you.

Did you could turkey? What was your r.o.a?

Hop back on the train my friend..

Hang tough
Sixx

Although I do concur with CH

Just try and pick yourself up and try again. What do you have to focus on in life that you enjoy OP? When I have lapsed after making a concerted effort to get sober, it had more to do with the fact I hadn't structured my life well enough to give me enough enjoyable things to focus on outside of simply using. Finding other pleasant outlets - they don't need to be a richly pleasing as the high from hydromorphone, just pleasurable to any degree, something you enjoy, the simpler the better actually - is the key to ongoing recovery.

Keep your heap up OP. You only fail when you stop trying.

 

[simco]

OP, it's a personal call. But it doesn't sound like you set yourself back much, which is really my metric of how seriously to consider any kind of slip.

But...do you really want to keep those narcotics around? I know it's brutal getting rid of them. Having them on hand just can't lead to anything very good, though, no?

Keep up the awesome work!

Sim

 

[aihfl]

I concur with everything that's been said here so far. I will add that I think the fact you are here asking if this counts as a relapse indicates that you know it is, albeit a minor one. I wouldn't minimize this, as the more "minor slips" becomes OK in your mind, the greater the chances are of an eventual full blown relapse. Speaking from experience on this.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I think the task is more of not blowing this event out of proportion (but that could be my personal bias as I'm the type who is more inclined to catastrophize as opposed to overlook). The fact the OP is bringing the issue up shows that they are not minimizing its significance. Rather, they are trying to taking a good hard look into what happened. That, in my view, is the opposite of minimizing.

You are right though, we don't want to sweep out mistakes under the rug, but we also don't want to beat ourselves up too badly over them either. Personally, just because a slip up was smaller never made it any more "okay" for me - whether it's a lot of using or just a single instance, harm is harm. The question is, what harm did this instance cause the OP, and how can the situation be handled more skillfully next time?

 

[Tobli]

Thanks for the reply Guys. Here are the details of my habit exactly.

I had truckloads of 3mg hydromorph contin . 4 x a day I would crush up 6 mg and snort that and just swallow 12mg orally uncrushed because it extended the period of time that I felt "comfortable" but not euphoric.

I went cold turkey. day 4 my parents took me to the emergency cause i was walking around the house with a nasty migraine crying. A prescription of clonidine got me to about day 12. day 13 Ive been using about 100mg lyrica over 4 doses during the day for anxiety and 7.5mg to 15 mg mitrazapine to sleep. Day 18 stopped using lyrica.( which was yesterday) I felt pretty normal aside from the fact that I still dont really sleep without at least 7.5 mg mitrazapine. My thinking was that maybe I could take it without steting myself back which seems to be the case. I got a little be sweaty last night but eventually slept (without mitrazapine)

Some have also mentioned why I am keeping a stash while Im detoxing. I know this may seem unrealistic to some of you and certainly not recommended but I would like to use opiates recreationally under the right circumstances. I decided to see if I could get "back to normal" while developing self control and so far it works. Ive already had several moments where I wanted to end my misery and saying no has been getting easier every time. I hardly even think about it now and even when I do its during conversations like this which encourage me to be responsible.

I dont like the idea of being the kind of user that is high just because he is holding. I want to learn moderation . Anyways, ive put the perc away and if I start will starts to crumble ill start up the lyrica again but is noon the next day now and I feel pretty much the same as before I took those two percs last night.. soo I got lucky

and yes. I've gone back to work and I am exercising like crazy. Ive been spending a lot of time writtig letter to distant friends. mostly working out tho. doing a 200 push up a day challenge as well as intense interval sprinting.

Im looking for work, applying to 2 jobs a day during the week, hopefully will scroe some full time work soon as my hours are only casual at the moment ( since i knew i needed more time at home to detox)

 

[Jabberwocky]

How does your opioid use affect your workouts and overall athletic ability?

 

[Tobli]

How does your opioid use affect your workouts and overall athletic ability?

That depends really. When my hydro addiction was in its infancy I was kind of responsible and use only 2 mg tablets and snorted half of one in small pumps over the course of a day. I would only get high 3 out of 7 days of the week and I did that an entire summer. when i stopped abuptly aside from a little moodiness there was no withdrawl. Back in those days I found it improved my biking and running. I would liken it to steroids ( whcih ive never done) in the sense that it changes your perception of pain and therefore your limitations.

Once i started getting up to 10mg my motivaition to get on my bike or run was pretty much gone. I would listen to music or read books. Even when I did get on my bike I had some close calls, since I usually ride one the road with the cars just fine

 

[simco]

...

Some have also mentioned why I am keeping a stash while Im detoxing. I know this may seem unrealistic to some of you and certainly not recommended but I would like to use opiates recreationally under the right circumstances. I decided to see if I could get "back to normal" while developing self control and so far it works. Ive already had several moments where I wanted to end my misery and saying no has been getting easier every time. I hardly even think about it now and even when I do its during conversations like this which encourage me to be responsible.

I dont like the idea of being the kind of user that is high just because he is holding. I want to learn moderation . Anyways, ive put the perc away and if I start will starts to crumble ill start up the lyrica again but is noon the next day now and I feel pretty much the same as before I took those two percs last night.. soo I got lucky
...

No judgment from me, my friend. Personally, I've found that I can't have dope around if I have serious plans of abstaining...I may not do it today or tomorrow, but if it's around, a moment will come where it seems like just the thing. But each of us has his or her own goals.

 

[aihfl]

Even when I did get on my bike I had some close calls, since I usually ride one the road with the cars just fine

I had the same experience after detoxing myself off alcohol with Ativan. I went on a bike ride with two other friends on a lightly traveled four lane road with bike lanes. Because it's lightly traveled, people go really fast and I was having problems keeping my balance (b/c of the Ativan) and staying in the bike lane. I had nightmare visions of falling over and getting hit by a car going 55-60.