stolemyheart87
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2016
- Messages
- 68
Hello all, I have quite a bit of an issue at hand and need help, bear in mind, it is quite lengthy -
Me 29-F-California
Don't work, drive, go to college, live at home with parents, only child, no kids, has family and friends
Him 35-M-California
Owns a house, owns and drives car, works, no kids, has siblings, family, and friends
We live 60 miles from one another, driving distance about 40-60 miles if not 1 hour and 20-30 minutes
Over all of the years, I have been dating, I have always turned to the internet to date, and form the relationships I have had over the years. I have only been in 4 serious relationships, and 2 engagements. As of right now, I have been single for 4 months now, my recent break up happening this past summer in May 2016.
But here is where I have my issue, with the last few relationships I have been involved with, this is what I noticed, every time I find my Boyfriend through online dating, through a dating website or app. This is where it hits the wall, I think the guy is perfectly, but then fine out he is not fine at all.
My longest relationship was 3 years, and this guy was fine or so I thought, but as it turned out, he dealt with BiPolar disorder, and that was the only issue with him, besides him and I fighting on and off, verbally never physically.
Next relationship was 1 year, and same thing, I thought this guy was fine, but he sure was not fine, not at all. It turned out, this guy, was dealing with a lot of issues, from ADD, ADHD, Social Anxiety, Anxiety, Social Phobia, PTSD, Depression, Self Esteem issues, trust issues, commitment issues, jealousy issues, Insecurity issues, and was abused in his last relationship. He had to deal with his ex, physically, and verbally abusing him, and she cheated on him as well. Plus she was a narcissist. So he told me, when I found him on the dating website, that he was ready to date, he didn't have any issues or baggage whatsoever. Was I wrong.
Things were fine at the start, then everything fell a part, and everything came out. All of these issues, plus his fear of his ex and comparing me to his ex, thinking I was going to cheat on him, when I never did, and never was going to do so. But he kept thinking the same things he faced with his ex, were going to happen again. And then all the other issues he's dealt with on top of worrying about his ex. It was a lot to take in, and deal with, during that 1 year period. But in the end him and I did not work, because him and I would fight like every single day, and it just wasn't going to work out, so well as we had wanted it too so we cut ties.
Now 4 months have gone by, and I have been on the dating websites and apps again, and been dating this new guy for 1 month now, and things were fine again at the start of it all. But again, everything soon came out at once, and it wasn't pretty. This new guy, he ends up telling me, how he never really knows what to do, as far as us going out on dates, then he says oh I like you, but I'm not into anything that you like. We don't have anything in common, I like having you with me, but I never know what to do when we are together.Then he says he doesn't know if he wants to still date me or not.
But then it all comes out, he ends up saying how he doesn't know how to date, because it's been a long time since he has dated. His last relationship ended almost 2 years ago, he was with her for almost 5 years, lived her with for 3 years, and has been on the dating scene for about 1 year. He hasn't been so active on the dating scene, until recently, since he was broke when him and his ex, broke up, he had to get his life together, and now it is together, he own's his own place, car, has a job, etc. The reasoning why his ex and him broke things off, she cheated on him with a few guys, behind his back, and he never knew, until later and cut ties altogether after that.
It doesn't end there though, while he's another guy, that dealt with his ex cheating on him, there had to be a reason as to why she cheated right? Well he says, him and her did fight, so when she would get mad, because he wouldn't take her out, when she wanted him too, he wouldn't pay attention to her, and he would flirt with other girls, only because he thought she was cheating on him, and she thought he was cheating on her, it got out of hand, and he only flirted because it made him feel better about himself.
But it keeps going, as he then says how he suffers from depression, self esteem issues, trust issues, commitment issues, clingy issues so much so, it's driven girls away from him. That it ends up going back to him, saying how he doesn't know how to date, because it has been so long, it being what 2 years, that he has been single, and since he hasn't been very active in the dating pool, he doesn't have the skills to date again. He then says he doesn't like being alone, but he rather be alone because he knows how much of a jerk, failure, and not good enough he is to someone. He says he isn't happy with his life, he feels he has nothing to offer in a relationship but the obvious SEX.
Which he says he could only have so much sex, he is not a machine, and with this girl, him and her had sex quite a bit, like 5-10 times a day, and it's now been 2 years since he last had sex. I had told him he could have easily gotten sex if he wanted too, but he says no he can't because he's not good at talking to girls. He says when it comes to me, him and I have kissed, but he wants more, he wants sex, but he doesn't want to move too fast. He then says how he feels like he's forcing me to kiss him, but yet says how pretty I am, and I intimidate him. But he says every kiss is awkward, he doesn't feel like he's doing well with me. But it keeps going back and forth, going right back to him saying how I am pretty, sexy, why wouldn't he want to do stuff. He feels guilty about wanting to do things and have sex with me. But here's the thing, I am not having sex with him, because I am a Virgin and I am saving myself for marriage, end of story. That is my choice and I am sticking to it, because I want too.
So then he says how it's been 2 years, that he hasn't had sex, or done anything, and he just doesn't know how to make it happen anymore, or what to really do.
It then goes back to him and I dating one another, he says him and I don't have anything in common, he doesn't know what we will do on our dates, there's a lot of uncertainty about what we will do, ya know like go to the movies, go to a concert, whatever, he doesn't know what to do, or what to say. There's a lot of silence between us as well.
It goes on and on to how he's not very good at keeping to what he's suppose to do, how never replies to messages, text messages, social media messages, email messages, as he should, like he receives them but never responds to them right away. He rather ignore them, then address them when he is not lazy. He knows he is lazy, and that he plain out sucks at communication, and communicating in general.
He says he wants to date me, he just doesn't know how to date me. He doesn't feel confident when with me, he doesn't want to end it with me, he just isn't so sure on if he is good enough to keep up with it all. He isn't happy with his life, all he has to offer is as he says is sex, it isn't easy to be in a real relationship. He's panicked about everything and again doesn't know how to date. It so much different now, and that he's damaged from his previous relationship and this and that going on with his life. He can be confident but only sometimes. He is trying to get past his own shortcomings. He is just down about life, he feels he puts so much into his own life, but he never gets anywhere type of feeling. He says yes he works, own's home and car, and may be doing better than some, but he knows that he should be better than this, better that what he is currently doing.
So when it comes down to it all, why is it, that when it comes to all of these dating websites, and app's in today's society, that a lot of guys, and probably girls, that they go on these dating sources, with all of these issues, baggage, and drama, and not tell the person right off the bat, or bring all of this with them, and then drop it onto the person, it then messes with the person, they are dating's head and then they aren't so sure on if they should continue dating this individual or cut them loose.
What do you think of my situation? Should I give this guy a chance? Or should I run away while I still can. I just don't want a repeat of what my ex's put me through, and it seems like this guy, will do that same thing, by what he has told me, plus to me it feels as if, all he does is sex. But yet he says he doesn't care about sex. And he knows I am a Virgin, saving myself for marriage and is accepting of that. He too says he wants marriage.
But yet again he says him and I don't have anything in common, or any shared interests or much of anything, but yet he wants to date me, and does like me and this and that.
It is all so much to take in all at once, and I am so unsure on what to do about it all. What would you do?
Me 29-F-California
Don't work, drive, go to college, live at home with parents, only child, no kids, has family and friends
Him 35-M-California
Owns a house, owns and drives car, works, no kids, has siblings, family, and friends
We live 60 miles from one another, driving distance about 40-60 miles if not 1 hour and 20-30 minutes
Over all of the years, I have been dating, I have always turned to the internet to date, and form the relationships I have had over the years. I have only been in 4 serious relationships, and 2 engagements. As of right now, I have been single for 4 months now, my recent break up happening this past summer in May 2016.
But here is where I have my issue, with the last few relationships I have been involved with, this is what I noticed, every time I find my Boyfriend through online dating, through a dating website or app. This is where it hits the wall, I think the guy is perfectly, but then fine out he is not fine at all.
My longest relationship was 3 years, and this guy was fine or so I thought, but as it turned out, he dealt with BiPolar disorder, and that was the only issue with him, besides him and I fighting on and off, verbally never physically.
Next relationship was 1 year, and same thing, I thought this guy was fine, but he sure was not fine, not at all. It turned out, this guy, was dealing with a lot of issues, from ADD, ADHD, Social Anxiety, Anxiety, Social Phobia, PTSD, Depression, Self Esteem issues, trust issues, commitment issues, jealousy issues, Insecurity issues, and was abused in his last relationship. He had to deal with his ex, physically, and verbally abusing him, and she cheated on him as well. Plus she was a narcissist. So he told me, when I found him on the dating website, that he was ready to date, he didn't have any issues or baggage whatsoever. Was I wrong.
Things were fine at the start, then everything fell a part, and everything came out. All of these issues, plus his fear of his ex and comparing me to his ex, thinking I was going to cheat on him, when I never did, and never was going to do so. But he kept thinking the same things he faced with his ex, were going to happen again. And then all the other issues he's dealt with on top of worrying about his ex. It was a lot to take in, and deal with, during that 1 year period. But in the end him and I did not work, because him and I would fight like every single day, and it just wasn't going to work out, so well as we had wanted it too so we cut ties.
Now 4 months have gone by, and I have been on the dating websites and apps again, and been dating this new guy for 1 month now, and things were fine again at the start of it all. But again, everything soon came out at once, and it wasn't pretty. This new guy, he ends up telling me, how he never really knows what to do, as far as us going out on dates, then he says oh I like you, but I'm not into anything that you like. We don't have anything in common, I like having you with me, but I never know what to do when we are together.Then he says he doesn't know if he wants to still date me or not.
But then it all comes out, he ends up saying how he doesn't know how to date, because it's been a long time since he has dated. His last relationship ended almost 2 years ago, he was with her for almost 5 years, lived her with for 3 years, and has been on the dating scene for about 1 year. He hasn't been so active on the dating scene, until recently, since he was broke when him and his ex, broke up, he had to get his life together, and now it is together, he own's his own place, car, has a job, etc. The reasoning why his ex and him broke things off, she cheated on him with a few guys, behind his back, and he never knew, until later and cut ties altogether after that.
It doesn't end there though, while he's another guy, that dealt with his ex cheating on him, there had to be a reason as to why she cheated right? Well he says, him and her did fight, so when she would get mad, because he wouldn't take her out, when she wanted him too, he wouldn't pay attention to her, and he would flirt with other girls, only because he thought she was cheating on him, and she thought he was cheating on her, it got out of hand, and he only flirted because it made him feel better about himself.
But it keeps going, as he then says how he suffers from depression, self esteem issues, trust issues, commitment issues, clingy issues so much so, it's driven girls away from him. That it ends up going back to him, saying how he doesn't know how to date, because it has been so long, it being what 2 years, that he has been single, and since he hasn't been very active in the dating pool, he doesn't have the skills to date again. He then says he doesn't like being alone, but he rather be alone because he knows how much of a jerk, failure, and not good enough he is to someone. He says he isn't happy with his life, he feels he has nothing to offer in a relationship but the obvious SEX.
Which he says he could only have so much sex, he is not a machine, and with this girl, him and her had sex quite a bit, like 5-10 times a day, and it's now been 2 years since he last had sex. I had told him he could have easily gotten sex if he wanted too, but he says no he can't because he's not good at talking to girls. He says when it comes to me, him and I have kissed, but he wants more, he wants sex, but he doesn't want to move too fast. He then says how he feels like he's forcing me to kiss him, but yet says how pretty I am, and I intimidate him. But he says every kiss is awkward, he doesn't feel like he's doing well with me. But it keeps going back and forth, going right back to him saying how I am pretty, sexy, why wouldn't he want to do stuff. He feels guilty about wanting to do things and have sex with me. But here's the thing, I am not having sex with him, because I am a Virgin and I am saving myself for marriage, end of story. That is my choice and I am sticking to it, because I want too.
So then he says how it's been 2 years, that he hasn't had sex, or done anything, and he just doesn't know how to make it happen anymore, or what to really do.
It then goes back to him and I dating one another, he says him and I don't have anything in common, he doesn't know what we will do on our dates, there's a lot of uncertainty about what we will do, ya know like go to the movies, go to a concert, whatever, he doesn't know what to do, or what to say. There's a lot of silence between us as well.
It goes on and on to how he's not very good at keeping to what he's suppose to do, how never replies to messages, text messages, social media messages, email messages, as he should, like he receives them but never responds to them right away. He rather ignore them, then address them when he is not lazy. He knows he is lazy, and that he plain out sucks at communication, and communicating in general.
He says he wants to date me, he just doesn't know how to date me. He doesn't feel confident when with me, he doesn't want to end it with me, he just isn't so sure on if he is good enough to keep up with it all. He isn't happy with his life, all he has to offer is as he says is sex, it isn't easy to be in a real relationship. He's panicked about everything and again doesn't know how to date. It so much different now, and that he's damaged from his previous relationship and this and that going on with his life. He can be confident but only sometimes. He is trying to get past his own shortcomings. He is just down about life, he feels he puts so much into his own life, but he never gets anywhere type of feeling. He says yes he works, own's home and car, and may be doing better than some, but he knows that he should be better than this, better that what he is currently doing.
So when it comes down to it all, why is it, that when it comes to all of these dating websites, and app's in today's society, that a lot of guys, and probably girls, that they go on these dating sources, with all of these issues, baggage, and drama, and not tell the person right off the bat, or bring all of this with them, and then drop it onto the person, it then messes with the person, they are dating's head and then they aren't so sure on if they should continue dating this individual or cut them loose.
What do you think of my situation? Should I give this guy a chance? Or should I run away while I still can. I just don't want a repeat of what my ex's put me through, and it seems like this guy, will do that same thing, by what he has told me, plus to me it feels as if, all he does is sex. But yet he says he doesn't care about sex. And he knows I am a Virgin, saving myself for marriage and is accepting of that. He too says he wants marriage.
But yet again he says him and I don't have anything in common, or any shared interests or much of anything, but yet he wants to date me, and does like me and this and that.
It is all so much to take in all at once, and I am so unsure on what to do about it all. What would you do?
