Mental Health Dark thought on Lexapro, should I be concerned?

[thizzin' since 98]

Hey guys. So I've suffered from GAD and depression for 4 years now. I finally gave up and turned to SSRI's. I've been on Lexapro for 2 months. I started my first two weeks on 5mg, and gradually worked my way up to 20mg, which I've been taking for about two weeks now.

Today and yesterday, I've felt so out of it, angry, aggitated, blank, and now I'm getting dark thoughts and feeling a deep gloom inside my stomach.

I sit, emotionless on the couch, and think to myself, I could just take the rest of my Xanax and not wake up. It's so easy, its right there. Just strange, dark thoughts I haven't had before. Should I be concerned? Should I just wait it out? Even people at my work have been asking if I'm okay or needed to go home early, I just smiled and said I'm fine.

Normally I just take a few xanny's and a couple oxys and I cheer right up and feel euphoric.

Now the oxy's make me feel even more down and sick. As of the past two days. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality.

I think its time for me to take my final rest.

I love you all and thank you for the advice and taking time to message me and follow my story over the past few years. I know I've posted multiple times, often times repeating myself and making duplicate threads, desperate to reach as many people as possible to get as much feedback as I could.

People told me times would heal my brain and 4 years later, I think I'm worse than ever. I've pushed everyone away. I'm in a dead end job. I'm literally exhausted all day long and can't wait to sleep as long as possible so I can avoid the pain and crippling anxiety, and now the drug that is suppose to help me cope, is making it worse.

What the fuck now? I've already taken 60mg Norco, 2mg xanax and my Lexapro and still feel like trash, dark, consumed. I should feel relaxed and happy, at least for a few hours. I guess my brain has run its course.

Much love, Thizzin'.

 

[Mysterie]

what are the fruits of having been on the ssri. doctors have a spiel that well the ssri is not going to fix you by itself, you need to make an effort at changing your lifestyle and your behavioural patterns as well.

maybe an ssri can help some people to take those first few steps to create positive change in their lives. do you feel it is having this kind of influence on you, helping to reduce the depth of your lows.

when you are at the worst of your depression without taking medication, are you self destructive, do you hurt yourself or those around you? if being on medication helps this and you see it as worth it, i guess you might as well stay on it.

whats the fruits of taking this drug tho? are people around you noticing an improvement, do you notice an improvement?
is the negatives outweighing the positives? emotional numbness, sexual dysfunction, apathy?

it might be helpful to write down all of the positives and negatives in a list next to eachother of being on this medication. Dr's tend to not really spend much time actually talking to their patients any more, its much more cost-effective to give you a pill and tell you to see them for another 5 minutes in a months time..

getting through these tough times yourself will help to make you such a stronger and richer person, its better to have suffered and overcome your obstacles than to have an easy life i think.

my personal advice would be to stop taking all drugs and start finding natural ways to improve your response to stress while also being proactive in improving your situation/environment that causes you to think that death is the easiest way out. if ur like 22 or something, life can get alot more exciting once you have got past all this existential and self absorption, a lot of adults iv talked to said that some personalities really have a lot of difficult and darkness between abt 18-26 yrs old, some people get out of the slump earlier than others, but there is light at the end of the tunnel and the light and warmth make it all worth it.

much love friend, this feeling wont last forever, do what you think is best for you in the long term.

 

[velmwend]

It's common to feel anxious and dark when you start a course of anti-depressants. Just remember that it's an initial side-effect and it will pass...kinda like temporarily racing through a dark tunnel before you emerge into the light and start to feel the benefits of the med. If you have any thoughts of harming yourself, speak to loved ones, your doctor, anyone who can support you, and keep reminding yourself that it's temporary and it's just a case of riding it our for a very short time.

 

[LilikoiMoon]

Suicidal thoughts are quite common on specific AD's...please, see your Dr. at once.

I can't take AD's of any kind...they make me have anger outburtst, rage, suicidal thoughts, etc.
My brain chemistry isn't geared for AD at all.

Cyber hugs you....there are many underlying issues to depression (mine is grief and hormones), life sucks at times, addiction...dead end jobs, shitty relationships, but either you make it last, or you don't.

Ride the storm...change those meds, or toss them.

 

[thizzin' since 98]

Did they ban that asshole who told me to pick up that certain drug and mix it with my favorite drink to kill myself quick and easy? I hope he got an IP ban and didn't just delete his comment.

He had no idea how much that hurt me when you wrote that.

 

[Mysterie]

I'd think of it more as an indication of his relationship with himself, rather than let his inappropriate comment get to you.

It's not vry surprising that a drug forum has lot of ppl with a lot of suffering or anger inside.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I think there's a label on most SSRIs which states that yous should contact your doctor if you're experiencing worse depression. It can't hurt, right?

 

[Notaddicted]

Don't touch it.
Here we go ag